The Hermit's Journal 1997 Excerpts

January 3, 1997

So far from electrons. So far from my journal.

February 6, 1997 Thursday 7:47 AM

And now I'm back. Feel like Bilbo standing in front of the fireplace after returning from his adventures. Do I have a magic ring as my souvenir? What magic have I brought back with me? A deeper sense of self? A clearer understanding of my grasp of the method? The magic of new friends in far away places?

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:39 PM

Paranoid is, as paranoid does.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:40 PM

You start to sense how isolated the experience really is.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:40 PM

Life, of course. (Is what I mean.)

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:41 PM

That you take pen to art instead of to task.

That you let the communication drive you.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:43 PM

Reality is the ultimate virus.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:43 PM

Dad tied me to the task, intentionally or not, of leading if he died first.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 4:48 PM

I was just lost in the memory of my father, and loving every minute of it.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 5:06 PM

The method is more important than the name. mjm

February 8, 1997 Saturday 5:42 PM

I have carried the spirit of all of you with me. (Yet I know not the vessel.)

February 8, 1997 Saturday 5:43 PM

Does you or does you not, is you or is you ain't.

February 8, 1997 Saturday 5:44 PM

How do you point to an idea with words?

February 8, 1997 Saturday 5:50 PM

(((The only way I can function is within.))))

February 9, 1997 Sunday 8:12 AM

The message behind the method is a comment on life, by paying attention to life you are more a part of it.

February 9, 1997 Sunday 8:43 AM

We need to interact with other humans because it is the most intense form of processing information. ((Other than doing it within, of course.))

February 10, 1997 Monday 7:39 AM

Method is magic.

February 11, 1997 Tuesday 10:48 AM

(((You can't wait for an epiphany.)))

February 11, 1997 Tuesday 11:12 AM

...the experience to be had with your body.

February 11, 1997 Tuesday 11:13 AM

better being in your body

February 11, 1997 Tuesday 7:45 PM

to develop a deeper understanding of what makes the method

February 12, 1997 Wednesday 8:48 AM

What makes an exercise an exercise and what makes a transition a transition?

(Frequency of pattern.)

February 16, 1997 Sunday 11:20 PM

The journal was the best, then Slug, then bobbing.

March 29, 1997 Saturday 10:08 AM

Completed the lemniscate across the country. Feels good, home turf. (Not just carrying home within.)

March 29, 1997 Saturday 10:11 AM

Yes, here it is, in the keys, in the spaces between the characters, I am. Waiting...

Waiting for whatever shows up because I love the flow, listening into out the fingers. Doesn't that take a form of athleticism?

March 31, 1997 Monday 11:33 AM

You don't have to be a dancer to feel like one.

April 3, 1997 Thursday 7:49 PM

A lit screen is not as much fun as smashing ink to paper.

April 6, 1997 Sunday 12:11 PM

Beneath everything is peace. When I start to get stressed I envision a drop of lead sinking through bright blue water into the depths of peace and I find myself there.

April 10, 1997 Thursday 11:21 PM

The method is available to you right now. All you have to do is embrace it at the level you are at. Not some higher place. Just here. Now.

April 11, 1997 Friday 6:30 PM

(((((It's all sin.)))))

April 12, 1997 Saturday 10:44 AM

((Wow! No buffer of incoming keystrokes!))

I gotta tell you about my father. He was totally clear, as clear as you ever get, and he knew it.

April 24, 1997 Thursday 12:05 PM

Not much has come to the log lately. I wonder if I ignore it on purpose.

April 24, 1997 Thursday 12:44 PM

(((((I'm here. I'm now. This is forever.)))))

April 24, 1997 Thursday 2:09 PM

What matters is what somebody can tell you that you want to understand.

April 24, 1997 Thursday 2:11 PM

(((Who am I? Who will I be?)))

April 24, 1997 Thursday 2:32 PM

It all touches me so deeply. ((Why?))

April 24, 1997 Thursday 3:06 PM

"I had a woman run off on me once, I mailed her her suitcase." from The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing.

May 2, 1997 Friday 10:32 PM

The generification of personality is not something to celebrate.

May 2, 1997 Friday 10:32 PM

"Nothing exceeds the vanity of our existence but the folly of our pursuits." Quoted by James West in The Wild Wild West. (Don't know who said it originally.)

May 3, 1997 Saturday 2:41 PM

So recognize your direction. Steer. Worry less about what you have to do and do more of what is in front of you. ((A very colloquial Zen idea: Do nothing and leave nothing undone.))

May 3, 1997 Saturday 2:43 PM

Even if it is chemistry driven, I still have to admit there is nothing else like being here. (High, in the Rockies.)

May 3, 1997 Saturday 2:45 PM

Being here, right here, as yourself. There is no better!

(Other than, of course, to be able to make a living at it.) I see why so many are driven in front of the camera. (Good, bad, or ugly.)

May 3, 1997 Saturday 3:08 PM

What happens can surprise you and usually does when you least expect it. What does that say about assuming anything other than the next moment?

May 3, 1997 Saturday 3:15 PM

"God, I love Morcheeba!"

May 3, 1997 Saturday 3:18 PM

It's been funny, I haven't been processing on a lot of levels and across different parts of the spectrum. Stalling, it seems like. Listening, maybe better.

May 3, 1997 Saturday 3:42 PM

(How to play the keyboard. Humm, still matters.)

May 3, 1997 Saturday 4:06 PM

Ya, gotta have a pocket. What is a thing without functionality? Besides, you have to have a place for the $100 bill.

May 4, 1997 Sunday 12:15 PM

M interferes with S.

May 5, 1997 Monday 8:19 AM

You see, that's the rub, you never get judged till you can't do anymore. The book has to be over before it becomes worth reading.

May 5, 1997 Monday 8:47 AM

Not many people can embrace the method on the level that it is capable of being done. You can do the method as a way of moving through your every-day life. You can do the method in the manner in which you choose to think.

May 5, 1997 Monday 8:49 AM

The Pilates Method
of physical and mental conditioning is exercise. Called "Contrology" because the objective of the method is control of body, mind, and spirit, the most important ingredient is concentration. You learn to move out from your center with precise, flowing movement that rides within the breath.
Mat work only. Must be fit and sign waiver.

May 5, 1997 Monday 12:02 PM

My father said he didn't recognize me in the picture of me looking upstream because he'd never seen me with a clenched jaw. And he is right, that's not really me. But it does reflect the attitude of looking upstream with a firm sense of resolution. (associated I think with a clenched jaw) So, it's not me; but it is MICHAEL MILLER.

May 5, 1997 Monday 10:30 PM

It is here that I feel what is what when I wonder.

May 6, 1997 Tuesday 8:11 AM

Smoking is a defiance of death. Knowing you have to go someday

May 6, 1997 Tuesday 8:48 AM

Pilates is part of my expression of my view of the world. What I feel, what I think, what I hear when I listen.

May 6, 1997 Tuesday 4:23 PM

When you dance you either dance well or not so well; when you compete you either survive or expire.

May 7, 1997 Wednesday 11:06 PM

Men seek to possess what they will never have from women because women don't have it to give.

May 8, 1997 Thursday 9:43 AM

A principal is like true north, it never changes.

May 8, 1997 Thursday 9:43 AM

I think it's interesting that the assumption of how animals never have post traumatic stress is because they shudder, i.e. shake it off.

May 8, 1997 Thursday 11:19 AM

The look is more than, "I want to fuck you." The look is a question, "Do you feel the heat?"

May 9, 1997 Friday 12:47 PM

"Captain, you're forgetting yourself."

May 10, 1997 Saturday 10:30 AM

Someone near and dear keeps reminding me that the name of the game is to make money. (Funny how that wasn't so important early on but the older you get the more everyone wants to see the proof in the pudding.)

May 10, 1997 Saturday 10:36 AM

Too much time is spent on who can call it what and not what makes it what. The focus of the discussion group is on the method. The exercises, the order, why you teach what, how to modify to suit, etc.

May 10, 1997 Saturday 11:03 AM

Lists are powerful things.

May 10, 1997 Saturday 12:05 PM

The moment becomes the memory between the moments. Congratulations on one becoming the other.

May 10, 1997 Saturday 4:11 PM

What guys don't keep in mind is that they are arriving late to the party. The gals got there first. And because of that expect to be out in front of you. Let them think that, but make them not so sure they believe that.

May 12, 1997 Monday 12:31 PM

Being live on the net, being able to go out there and change things. (alter the contents, influence the flow.)

May 12, 1997 Monday 1:35 PM

(no bells, no whistles, just presence)

May 12, 1997 Monday 1:55 PM

Internet presence within my domain (advertising)

May 14, 1997 Wednesday 8:06 AM

Sure there was Turning Point. But a much more intriguing question is not about what would have happened if, but what would be the spectrum of response to not being good enough in your body to go on?

May 14, 1997 Wednesday 8:12 AM

"It's better to burn out than fade away."

May 14, 1997 Wednesday 8:14 AM

(((((...and they love to feel like they are part of the wake.)))))

May 14, 1997 Wednesday 8:54 AM

"He's got character. I hate kids with character, they never listen to me." Burley the baseball manager.

May 14, 1997 Wednesday 9:15 AM

"It's a great ride, goes by in the blink of an eye,
Remember to breathe and enjoy it!"
Michael J

May 16, 1997 Friday 10:11 AM

I can't help but think there is common ground to come from with all of us. There doesn't have to be defensiveness, secrecy.

May 16, 1997 Friday 10:23 AM

Like Greystoke, a movie that shows humans being in their body stretching and moving without necessarily maintaining normal posture.

May 17, 1997 Saturday 2:14 PM

"I couldn't find out who to ask." to

May 17, 1997 Saturday 2:15 PM

themethod
of Joseph H. Pilates
set up by MICHAEL MILLER
to empower others to share their view of the method
and develop a deeper understanding of what makes the method a method

May 22, 1997 Thursday 10:24 PM

There we go. The window is the right size, not too bright, not too tall. Just right.

See? It doesn't matter what you write. All that matters is that you write, that you listen. For only in listening can you find peace. Projection doesn't get you anywhere.

Grouping and sequence; grouping and sequence. (semi-colon, period)

You see I'm overloaded. The intensity that comes from the sensitivity overloads you.

May 22, 1997 Thursday 10:35 PM

You carry on conversations in order to listen to them.

May 22, 1997 Thursday 10:38 PM

The wisdom, the grace, the beauty of having your log window sized so that when you hit the datestamp keystroke whatever you just finished disappears and you have a new screen for a new start in your thinking. ((It is thinking isn't it?)) Then there's listening and feeling.

Leave me alone! It all hurts too much. The ship is sinking and I'm intimately aware of it as though the time frame is after the iceberg with the Titanic.

And I'm on board of course.

May 22, 1997 Thursday 10:45 PM

Data streams. Perhaps the only reason for me to do the method is to maintain enough carbon to feed the data stream.

May 24, 1997 Saturday 9:29 AM

The keys, the precious keys. Happy am I to have ever had the capability. Just like the sports that I've played.

May 24, 1997 Saturday 9:33 AM

What happens when you indulge a person's listening. Allowing someone introspective to introspect?

May 24, 1997 Saturday 9:36 AM

Being elite is different than being elitist. mjm

May 24, 1997 Saturday 9:40 AM

It is the looking out from the self that we cringe.

May 26, 1997 Monday 8:36 AM

"lost interest in extending any preferential treatment" the judge in How the West Was Won

"We may well never know what happened." Same judge.

May 27, 1997 Tuesday 7:25 PM

You see the world is just here and now. That is all there is. That is all there will ever be. What matters is to what extent you are aware of here and now and to what end you apply your self. Ad majorum dieum gloriam.

May 29, 1997 Thursday 1:03 PM

What am I doin' with all of this stuff?

May 29, 1997 Thursday 1:04 PM

Sometimes I know, or feel I do. Sometimes I feel blind, naked, and on stage.

May 30, 1997 Friday 7:31 AM

"vrkalac" "someone is in complete distress" WWW

May 31, 1997 Saturday 10:00 AM

Good morning. Happy Birthday. Doesn't feel happy. It feels sad and lonely.

June 5, 1997 Thursday 12:59 PM

"I was so young. I was so naieve. We just did what we were told." CTM

June 7, 1997 Saturday 1:05 PM

"I admire a man who understands horseflesh." Some movie.

June 17, 1997 Tuesday 11:25 PM

So, this log has almost faded into the sunset. Too bad, it was the best part.

Time to come back to here. To the log, to me, to desperation.

Complacency is no good. The imbalance of chaos can only bring balance.

June 20, 1997 Friday 9:56 AM

What is my take on the question of getting certified to teach the method? Let me try to clarify the issues.

First, you don't need to be certified to teach the method.

To "get certified" usually means to get validation that you know what you are teaching. Where you go to get that validation is an unclear choice.

You could go to New York and learn from Pilates, Inc.

You could go to Boulder and learn from The Pilates Center

You could go to Santa Fe and learn from The PhysicalMind Institute.

You could go to San Francisco and learn from BioStar.

In any of these choices, you spend a lot of money, not just on the program, but the travel and lodging and missed income implied.

Anyone well into their effort to teach the method sees that they have to develop their own training program. Clients aren't the problem; having teachers is the bottleneck. Developing your own program reduces your dependence on outside resources. So what to do?

Import instruction. Find others interested in learning more about the method. Host a workshop, become a training center, and pay for your education by being the organizer. This is the way. The best way to get certified is to become a certifying agent. Sounds weird but it's true.

June 26, 1997 Thursday 9:21 PM

I want to stop crying. I want my heart to quit welling up inside me and spilling out my eyes. I want everyone else's passion to stop being mine. The movies, books, I'm a total empath. Empty inside, until someone else's passion comes high. Why? Why?

It's always been that way. Wish it would go away. I wish I were "normal", whatever that is. I wish I were cold and callous and tough.

Mean? I can be mean. Cold and heartless. So much so, it would scare you. Really scare you. Scares me.

Extremes. Highs and lows. Capabilities and incapability's.

Understanding, clueless.

June 26, 1997 Thursday 9:47 PM

Such a distraction, this Pilates thing. So far from the purity of words. But words like control, concentration, center, precision, flow, breathe, are hard to resist. The words made flesh--doing the method. The focus on being. The vibration, the frequency one strikes with the method.

June 26, 1997 Thursday 10:03 PM

I've gotten pretty far off track. Wanting to be heard. Caring about message received rather than message transmitted.

June 29, 1997 Sunday 9:38 PM

Concentrate--to bring toward a common center: focus

Focus--to bring to a focus: concentrate.

Center--to gather to a center: focus.

Involute--to become curled spirally.

Spiral--winding around a center and gradually approaching it.

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 3:57 PM

Gravity never surrenders. mjm 3:57 PM

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 3:59 PM

See? Ya gotta like that. Gravity never surrenders! What does that mean to you, personally? To me it means that no matter how bad your posture, no matter how bad off your body, gravity never surrenders so you must not.

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 4:01 PM

I see people hunched over and feel their strain. Can you give up? Can you just say, Oh what the heck? Sure, we all do, especially when it comes to eating to control our weight.

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 4:04 PM

You have to be able to teach the method to doctors. Explain to them something that they will only get if you explain it to them in their terms.

(((((Be object oriented in your delivery.)))))

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 4:07 PM

Next lesson, get other people to (verbally only) ((then mime only))--stay away from touch--give feedback on another's posture. Two lines facing each other, everyone step one to your left.

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 10:37 PM

Skunk has been around, so different than a deer.

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 10:37 PM

Yes, I've been confused by trying to get the message received. Screw that, (you always have) get on with the transmission, now, right now, while you have the chance. ((Chance and change, only off by one letter.))

July 2, 1997 Wednesday 10:39 PM

I can remember when my actions spoke loud, without me having to say much. That was better, just pressing the carbon to see what you could get out of it and having it be better than most. Wish I were as gifted between the ears.

My father's physical talents dwarfed mine, and his mental talents far exceeded his physical ones.

If you love the idea of being a Pilates instructor, start now. Learning is a part of teaching. Money limits options. Invest your money with a strategy, choose what you learn from whom.

July 13, 1997 Sunday 10:25 AM

I'm on my way back out, into the void. I can feel it. All these friends slipping away. Not that there're not the same, not that I'm not the same, just a submarine running too long on the surface.

Others? What would they say?

Naieve. Who is really naive? How can you tell?

July 16, 1997 Wednesday 5:05 PM

There are always those who don't know what is going on.

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:29 PM

To burn the flame. Doing the method refines the mixture. Enriches the process at lower levels, like blowing out the carbon from your car engine, or going to afterburners in your jet fighter.

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:34 PM

Keeping a log. Capturing it clean and fast and sorting it all out later. Running a log. Why you do it. How you make money at it. Wouldn't that be fun?

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:38 PM

It doesn't matter what your background, if you share the passion for the method, you want to learn and to teach.

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:40 PM

That you log, that you journal, is that you are saying you are involved in an intimate relationship with your self. Your self is the god within, the only true voice that exists in all of us, the same, and our response to it infinitely different for each of us.

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:44 PM

That we are here, that we hear, aeiiiiiii! what are we to do? How do we make life a corrective exercise and still listen? So pressed to talk, so little time to listen.

July 19, 1997 Saturday 12:59 PM

Gently provoke to reveal response pattern.

(That's good. I like that.)

July 19, 1997 Saturday 3:07 PM

Never publish a list of your customers.

July 21, 1997 Monday 10:04 PM

Magnificent conduct
Superb bearing.

July 25, 1997 Friday 8:25 AM

"What's comin' at cha
is what's comin' from ya." Jack Flander

July 25, 1997 Friday 8:30 AM

A lot of who you are is what you are stuck with.

July 25, 1997 Friday 9:04 AM

"I have another obligation." as

July 25, 1997 Friday 9:56 PM

The greatness of being. The evidence that you exist. Is there any?

July 26, 1997 Saturday 12:26 PM

Sex is the objectification of your partner.

July 27, 1997 Sunday 9:10 PM

Confidence is what it is in the moment not having acquired it over time. Mjm 7-26-97 11:05

August 2, 1997 Saturday 12:24 PM

Memories, oh memories that we choose to haunt us.

So, to what extent do memories and projections compare?

August 2, 1997 Saturday 12:33 PM

Retrospective in the moment (((((from the future.)))))

August 2, 1997 Saturday 12:44 PM

My Grandma Foley was a great woman.

August 6, 1997 Wednesday 8:58 AM

Victor Frankle died, author of Man's Search For Meaning. I mourn his loss and celebrate his gift to us all.

The Jebs gave me that in high school. They gave me so much.

August 7, 1997 Thursday 12:22 PM

The only way to really learn the method is to learn to teach it.

August 17, 1997 Sunday 7:28 AM

Thinking in terms of vectors requires pieces and parts. Thinking in terms of spirals requires continuum.

August 17, 1997 Sunday 7:30 AM

My log is long and therefore slow in the saving. Giving pause. Reflecting on where from to where to.

((Father Walsh. (Father "Yes") my poetry professor as a senior, and my floor RA.))

To remember the poem that you wrote is like looking at a photograph that you took. Working in the moment.

August 17, 1997 Sunday 7:33 AM

I just do what I do. To get positive feedback always makes me nervous.

August 18, 1997 Monday 8:18 PM

The advantage of the sequence is that it gives you always something to do next without having to slow down and pick what to do next.

August 18, 1997 Monday 8:22 PM

"While surely some standards are needed in seeing to it that "Pilates" retains its uniqueness as a method of body conditioning, they cannot be based on one person's view or inure to one person's financial benefit." Lawrence Stanley in The Pilates Trademark Cancellation Newsletter

This is flawed logic. To assume the need for a standard invests privilege in whomever gets to set the standard. In this case, the only person qualified to set the standard and gain financial benefit is deceased. Joe is gone. It was his method and his view, and no one can claim the right or authority to define what was uniquely his.

If you believe, as I do, that the method of conditioning referred to as Pilates cannot be owned or controlled by anyone because you can own or control an idea, you must give up the assumption of standards. To acknowledge the need for standards contradicts your position against SG.

To win you must let go. mjm

August 19, 1997 Tuesday 10:17 AM

We can claim what we offer as his view, but really all we are doing is trying to borrow authority for our view. If we stood on our own two feet and just taught the best of what we know and tried not to call it anything else but what it is, we would be much more like Joe, than if we claimed to be teaching what he taught.

August 21, 1997 Thursday 3:06 AM

The reason to take lessons from others is to more clearly understand your view of what you teach. The more I learn from others the more I learn what I am teaching that no one else can.

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:18 AM

That your volition would be immediately terminated, what would be more ideal than that?

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:20 AM

Surface damage. Still afloat.

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:22 AM

"What do I have to do to get out of it?" movie.

What do I have to do to get out of it? It is what we all seek--out of it. Some take easier routes than others.

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:37 AM

Everything in the world is specific. That's what makes generalities possible. mjm

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:56 AM

We want communion but only for as long as it lasts.

August 23, 1997 Saturday 7:57 AM

"Communion doesn't last." mjm

August 23, 1997 Saturday 11:58 PM

How well you keep track of your accounts is a direct indication of your degree of control.

August 31, 1997 Sunday 8:50 AM

We seek recognition. (until we give up.)

August 31, 1997 Sunday 8:54 AM

Only candor counts. mjm

August 31, 1997 Sunday 8:54 AM

"I'm very good at keeping confidences." Mrs. Culhaney

August 31, 1997 Sunday 8:59 AM

Pattern resonates.

August 31, 1997 Sunday 9:30 AM

I am aware of the dream within which I live.

October 14, 1997 Tuesday 11:19 AM

"Time is more expensive than money." Andrea

"We feed one another the best of ourselves." Andrea

"I go to school, I learn, I do." Andrea

October 16, 1997 Thursday 12:22 AM

"This is a way to have fun,
find peace in your life,
and take care of your body and soul." Lelie

October 16, 1997 Thursday 12:23 AM

"Movement is a side-effect of breath." Brady Wedman

"Breath is the potatoes and movement is the gravy." Brady Wedman

October 16, 1997 Thursday 12:24 AM

Eccentric loading to produce dynamic tension.

October 16, 1997 Thursday 12:27 AM

"You gotta leave where you're at to get where you're going." mjm

October 16, 1997 Thursday 9:17 PM

"Reasons never matter." Mjm 12:32PM 10/15/97

October 17, 1997 Friday 6:48 AM

My goal is to help you understand my view of the method.

October 22, 1997 Wednesday 10:17 AM

"Scared money loses." Fuzzy re: trading options

October 24, 1997 Friday 7:24 AM

As you breathe
So shall you move.

October 25, 1997 Saturday 10:37 PM

I forget where I came from. I forget where I've been. I suppose that's survival instinct.

Always distracted by looking for input when all there really is is looking for output.

The luxury of your own bed. The comfort of your own shower.

October 29, 1997 Wednesday 8:23 AM

This morning the activity of my mind made me turn on the light and start reading while it was still dark. At first there was the show of dawn, like someone has just barely turned up the dimmer switch. Then, three small clouds, close and fluffy, took on the richest pink color, lasted maybe ten minutes then faded into the pale gray of mediocrity. Why is it that in the normal course of life so few things stick out to show us how much we exist in a constant sea of change?

October 29, 1997 Wednesday 8:34 AM

I've been lost a lot lately, picking a course, heading out, getting there and then unsure of why I came. I'm on the threshold of starting this video project and I'm unclear in my mind what brought me here. I know it isn't just the money, but I have to work to remember the decisions I made that brought me to this place. I'm starting to see that this video effort has come to replace my journal as my self expression. I sense the time, I sense the moment, and now I wait and listen to what comes from within, and want to rely on that for what gets put to tape.

I've always had an intense sense of my mortality. Been surprised at how long my life has lasted. Even more surprised at how long I have endured the experience.

October 29, 1997 Wednesday 8:40 AM

Too much to specific others. Not enough from just listening to my self. Has that stage passed? Or have I let go of the connection? (Or has it let go of me?) We shall see.

October 30, 1997 Thursday 10:30 AM

I feel this journal thing coming out of me. Teacher training videos. Stay focused.

October 31, 1997 Friday 10:19 PM

It's funny about the video stuff, much like the journal, the journal only comes when it feels like it. The video is more directed. I have to listen. Take the time and let the tape run. I can always rewind and start again when there is action.

Be yourself. Give your self to the lens. Pray for guidance. Give it your best shot. Follow your outline. Let who you are be enough.

October 31, 1997 Friday 10:27 PM

I'm not sure how to live comfortably within being alone. I'm not sure how to give up wanting. You want what you see. Can you look and not see? Can you see and not look? Yea, that sounds better, see but don't look. See but don't let your self look. Except it's not your self that looks, the self just sees, it is you that looks. That sense of you instead of that sense of self. In the self there is no attachment, only awareness.

October 31, 1997 Friday 10:31 PM

The exercise of the method is embracing idealized form, getting lost in idealized form.

October 31, 1997 Friday 10:33 PM

Tomorrow I begin what I have been preparing for the last 8 months.

November 1, 1997 Saturday 10:21 PM

To what extent do we futilely try to transcend our nature? Is there ever a repose other than complete surrender?

November 4, 1997 Tuesday 8:44 PM

Words, ideas, as though you could ever get to one through the other.

November 4, 1997 Tuesday 8:47 PM

"To what extent
do you surrender
to the consequence
of your existence?" mjm

November 4, 1997 Tuesday 9:25 PM

The reason to run a mailing list is to maintain a degree of confidentiality.

November 5, 1997 Wednesday 5:00 PM

Log 97 looms and there's nothing there. ((But oh, I have been so much here.))

November 8, 1997 Saturday 8:50 AM

...(((((the ultimate selfishness that it takes to engage in sex)))))

November 8, 1997 Saturday 8:58 AM

How nice to find a threshold upon which I could not tread.

November 8, 1997 Saturday 9:04 AM

There was a point to which I had to come where I was willing to accept that I could only come from my point of view.

November 8, 1997 Saturday 9:07 AM

Reality! You DOPE!

November 8, 1997 Saturday 9:07 AM

Reality!

November 9, 1997 Sunday 11:08 PM

Part 1 of 3 What it said in the paper:

From the Village Voice October 7, 1997:

"The contraptions looks vaguely medieval,... beds and tables with moving parts connected to leather straps and stiff springs, rounded objects designed to stretch and bend the spine. The exercises are equally peculiar, designed to simultaneously lengthen and strengthen specific muscles. On one bedlike contraption, for instance, you lie down and grasp leather straps threaded through pulleys, and tug on them to move your body backward and forward on steel rails. Adjustable springs determine the amount of resistance. Many of the exercises recall the mat work Brivic teaches at the Printing House, made harder through he addition of the machines' resistance.

...The crucial difference in theory between the two sects concerns the alignment of the pelvis: Brivic teaches a modified program, varied depending on the client, in which the pelvis remains neutral; Ungaro sticks with Pilates's original regimen, which requires the pelvis tilt upward, fattening the lower back. Some insist that this damages the spine; others say that what was good enough for Martha Graham is good enough for you.

Part 2 of 3 My comments mixed in.

"The contraptions looks vaguely medieval,... beds and tables with moving parts connected to leather straps and stiff (supple) springs, rounded objects designed to stretch (support) and bend (nurture) the spine (core). The exercises are equally peculiar (peculiar?), designed to simultaneously lengthen and strengthen specific muscles (the entire body!). On one bedlike contraption, for instance, you lie down and grasp leather straps threaded through pulleys, and tug on them to move your body backward and forward on steel rails. (Good technical (and dry) description) Adjustable springs determine the amount of resistance (dynamic tension). Many of the exercises recall the mat work Brivic teaches at the Printing House, made harder (easier) through the addition of the machines' (dynamic tension).

...The crucial difference in theory (a HUGE assumption in judgement) between the two sects (sects? Don't be fooled by slight of hand journalism. Trust me, follow the money!) concerns the alignment of the pelvis: Brivic teaches a modified program, varied depending on the client, in which the pelvis remains neutral; Ungaro sticks with Pilates's original regimen, which requires that the pelvis tilt upward, fattening the lower back. Some insist that this damages the spine; others say that what was good enough for Martha Graham is good enough for you. ((crude shading)) (either way the fundamental is not static)

Part 3 of 3 My comments standing alone.

What matters, is that movement is eccentric in counter-balanced coils of connected energy. The position is not the cause, dynamic tension is the cause. The method nurtures eccentric control. The method is meant to establish and expand control

Don't accept any ultimatums on what is or isn't the method. And what determines what makes the method a method. Sure I think I know. So does everybody else.

What it always comes down to is whether or not you can feel the difference.

November 10, 1997 Monday 1:13 PM

The orientation of the hips is not the issue, the issue is control.

November 12, 1997 Wednesday 7:35 AM

Hold out hope.

Building on where we've been.

November 12, 1997 Wednesday 8:46 AM

It was a blue day in hell, where the fire gets so hot you get the blues.

November 12, 1997 Wednesday 8:49 AM

I've often thought stars are prescient, each and every one, how could it be not? They emit light!

Get a clue! Life is breathing you.

November 12, 1997 Wednesday 11:15 AM

(((((So little matters.)))))

November 12, 1997 Wednesday 7:38 PM

(((((The world has come so close, too close really. I liked it better before.)))))

November 13, 1997 Thursday 8:16 AM

Trying to add to the method is like trying to take away notes from Motzart. mjm
The method is a distillation. ((("He knew what he wanted to say but was not clear in how he tried to say it.")))

November 13, 1997 Thursday 8:20 AM

Trying to track the dimensions in your mind. That tangential escape from the orbit caused by gravity. Funny, how you have to concentrate to do the method and in a way concentration is all wrapped up with gravity because gravity necessitates rotation which also could be expressed as concentration.

November 13, 1997 Thursday 1:29 PM

Receding in extension

November 13, 1997 Thursday 4:23 PM

What have I learned?

November 15, 1997 Saturday 12:26 PM

The tough part is admitting you can't give it up. Teaching Pilates.

November 16, 1997 Sunday 2:00 PM

The eye is clear from sea to sky.

November 21, 1997 Friday 10:22 AM

To develop control through concentration.

Personal improvement training materials, namely audio and video training tapes for improving health through methodic movement.

November 21, 1997 Friday 6:07 PM

"Coil down and level out." mjm

November 22, 1997 Saturday 1:32 PM

It's really a pattern thing, not a timing thing.

November 22, 1997 Saturday 1:33 PM

Making effort through the pattern.

November 23, 1997 Sunday 9:04 PM

"People want results. When they get sick they want to get better." jm

Quality. Service. Price.

December 2, 1997 Tuesday 9:08 PM

People think I'm just fooling around. There must be a fog and they are unaware of the size of ship they're sailing next to.

(((((You know, you've got to surface.)))))

December 2, 1997 Tuesday 9:22 PM

Everyone is focused on defining the content of the method, and I'm more interested in exposing the context.

December 2, 1997 Tuesday 9:32 PM

Even those who have read everything you've written (maybe especially those) are unable to plumb the depths.

December 2, 1997 Tuesday 9:47 PM

We operate our bodies by remote control.

December 3, 1997 Wednesday 11:53 AM

(((((The moment never changes.))))) mjm

December 16, 1997 Tuesday 1:01 PM

Snob \'snäb\ n [obs. snob member of the lower classes, fr. E dial., shoemaker] 1: archaic : COBBLER 2: one who blatantly imitates, fawningly admires, or vulgarly seeks association with those she regards as her superiors 3a: one who tends to rebuff, avoid, or ignore those she regards as inferior b: one who has an offensive air of superiority in matters of knowledge or taste.

December 16, 1997 Tuesday 1:43 PM

We listen best as eavesdroppers.

December 23, 1997 Tuesday 11:47 PM

Who do you talk to when there's nobody there? When even your self won't listen? (smile) The crushing blow of acceptance is always at hand with your only chance of survival allowing it to flow right through you. I've come to the end, past hope and despair, to just being there--here, there--it's all the same.

December 24, 1997 Wednesday 2:44 PM

An artist has no mirror. mjm

December 25, 1997 Thursday 1:32 PM

Our awareness breathes. Active in the doing is always followed by passive in the recovery. Effort and release. Dynamic tension.

December 29, 1997 Monday 8:09 PM

"One reason is as good as the next." (but some are better than others.)

December 29, 1997 Monday 8:10 PM

"I wanta have been" gc

December 29, 1997 Monday 8:11 PM

To idolize any man is to miss the point. mjm

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 10:56 AM

DOS has become Apple and Unix has become DOS. mjm

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 11:25 AM

I want to operate from a UNIX world within Windows.

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 11:26 AM

Getting stuff done is a matter of participating in the mode that you're in, meaning -- you can't just pick your mode. The mode moves back and forth between the poles of grouping and sequencing, between writing down whatever comes to you and ordering what came to you.

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 1:00 PM

Suspended in the spider web of credibility. mjm

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 1:35 PM

"When I'm being taught I like specific instruction and specific feedback." mk

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 1:37 PM

A principled workout, based upon what principal? Physics? Transcendence?

December 30, 1997 Tuesday 10:36 PM

No matter how dark the cape the light still shines through.

And there is a black hole within the emitting of light.

L emittere to send out, fr. e + mittere to send


michaelmiller@hermit.com