The Hermit's Journal Excerpts (December 26, 1989 -- October 28, 1990)

December 26, 1989 8:09 PM

("Frame cannot hold any more characters..." just happened.)

December 26, 1989 8:10 PM

So far companies have been subject oriented in the selection of their training needs. I believe this will shift dramatically toward trainer oriented. "Who" is much more important in spending the training dollar than the subject because the primary investment must be to achieve user autonomy. The question becomes how do you evaluate user autonomy, especially when there is so little time allotted? You see so far, this has been a demand driven expense, but the company has not been offered new age alternatives to meet new age demands.

What about developing a form to evaluate competencies of user autonomy?

What have you learned new from a user that you didn't know before?


User encourages you to find your answer in the most productive way. 1 2 3 4 5

User discourages you from bothering him with questions? 1 2 3 4 5

User's level of patience when explaining something. 1 2 3 4 5


December 30, 1989 9:01 PM

I'll spend the day trying to make comment on the following topics.

December 30, 1989 9:02 PM

You use a column of information to organize a group of rows.

December 30, 1989 9:37 PM

The basics, the principles of autonomous personal computing. You can make progress on your own but you have to know how to drive.

December 31, 1989 10:43 AM

A lake does not have to be completely frozen to skate on it. In other words, your depth of knowledge about computers does not have to be deep it just has to be solid. (able to support your weight)

January 3, 1990 12:12 AM

Words rush in after feelings have already gone.

When I'm in bed I want to be writing, when I'm here I want to be in bed. Makes me smile, so often the moment is perceived in its alternative. But I came down here to write "just for the hell of it" and I am wondering what will come out. (So little I'm so lost in thought.) For all that has happened and the choices I've made, I feel a moment of OKness.

January 3, 1990 12:19 AM

Once you get the hang of what livin' is all about it can be a disappointment to what you had built your hopes up to be. But no matter, the sequence drones on and there is little to do about it.

January 3, 1990 12:27 AM

State your experience, express your intent, organize the effort.

January 4, 1990 7:56 PM

The balance has to be a compromise.

January 4, 1990 8:13 PM

What I object to is interpreting strategy only to the hardware level. Today industry insiders grant that software will determine the path. What is next? (((((What is next(?)))))) Carbon, of course, and how long do you want the results to take? Righhht! Immediately. So, where does that take you? It takes you into making the most happen in a moment. ("making the most happen in a moment") Identify target ("Organize what?"); divide and conquer ("Rows and columns.") Group, then divide; group, then divide. You use columns to group rows of information called records.

January 4, 1990 8:56 PM

You want to know what exciting is? I'll tell you what exciting is; exciting is having 643 letters addressed and sorted.

January 4, 1990 8:59 PM

What goes in the envelope? What will go in the envelope? 89 of course. That means what? Getting it ready.

I thought about sending out an invitation to teach a day long seminar on survival skills in personal computing. All the scheduling, all the hassle, it's not the best of what I have to offer. The best of what I have to offer are excerpts from my journal. So here they are. If you want me to train you or others you work with please call me.

When I was a senior in high school, a group of classmates went over to the chapel late one night and moved many of the candle holders over into the senior dorm conference room. Not much of a room really, until it had been deemed "The People Room" where students left all pretense behind. I got to participate in that, to some extend may have even been part of its precipitation. And after all this time the struggle is still to leave pretense behind.

What to print, what to print. As though it matters. It is awkward when your art is composed of words. For words are meant to mean something already, by themselves, before the artist blends them into colors. I suppose the same could be said for oils, red for stop, green for go, yellow for caution.

January 4, 1990 10:32 PM

Personal computing is something you can learn; it may be something you already know, but there are degrees to how well you compute and this is where I choose to focus. How do you as a user make the most of your time when you herd electrons?

Whenever you work with information you always do the same thing: you divide into groups and arrange in sequence, in that order! Computers help you take lots of facts and organized them into information by grouping the facts and then placing them into a sequence.

Database fields should include work address and home address, two phone lines per address, a logical field for both addresses to control mailing lists.

Dates, here is where relational capability becomes a need. First there is the master file, then there is the transaction file. But dates to place in your names database: birth date, first contact, last contact, next contact.

When you are going to do a mailing recognize the order of the tasks. First, your database has to be accurate. Next your envelopes have to be printed. Finally, the contents need to be printed. Once you decide to go on to the next step don't go back for exceptions, getting dragged into the detail is counterproductive.

In dBase: LIST HISTORY to file . Then edit the prg file and you don't have to repeat the commands.

January 5, 1990 10:35 AM

By far and away the best part of doing this mailer has been seeing everyone's name and address come out of the laserjet.

January 7, 1990 11:54 AM

Shane, what a movie, I still remember the book. Doing right and wrong are brands that stick.

January 7, 1990 11:57 AM

Stretching is a way of actively listening to your body. When you use your concentration on listening to your body you transcend thinking to hearing.

January 7, 1990 12:00 PM

The window on my log is only 4 lines high. When ALT-T lands I get the date and time above three blank lines. Maybe that makes sense to me because a true log captures what you hear and not what you think. You can think about what you hear later, namely publish.

To survive in your exposure to personal computing you must have desire. To desire you have will, without will there is no way. With will, and understanding, you get results. The quality of the results depend upon a balance between will and understanding. Only you can supply the will, but the understanding can constantly be improved. Understanding can happen like walking up a hill or like riding up an elevator. Why walk when you can ride?

January 7, 1990 1:37 PM

January 10, 1990 9:24 PM

In movement you focus on idealizing control over the spiral, of energy, flexing how tightly the spiral is wrapped.

January 10, 1990 9:25 PM

January 10, 1990 9:35 PM

So the deal with physical exercise has been reaching for laisser-faire conditioning. As much as I feel like I do nothing, the truth is more that I don't do enough, but I do do something. I respond to my body needs. I reach for the stretch. I squeeze the compression of the spiral.

January 10, 1990 9:38 PM

January 10, 1990 9:54 PM

You see the journal is the footprint on the sands of time.

January 10, 1990 9:56 PM

How do I repeat myself? How do I tape the conversation and play it back? No matter if you are in DOS, your word processor, spreadsheet, or database--the question is always "How do I capture the sequence and then play it back?"

January 10, 1990 10:01 PM

January 12, 1990 11:45 AM

January 12, 1990 11:45 AM

January 13, 1990 9:26 PM

January 14, 1990 9:54 AM

You see it just wasn't the superficial that was pleasing about The Wild Wild West. It was the attitude. I get so weird when I go through the pangs of publishing. Come fuck me and don't thank me for anything. If that's the most you have to thank me for don't embarrass me be making me aware of how I compare to an unknown.

January 14, 1990 9:57 AM


January 15, 1990 8:19 AM

January 15, 1990 9:10 AM

It was curious seeing how anger became the only defense against explosion.

January 16, 1990 8:36 AM

Processing information is a journey.

When you work on information you are always trying to organize what you start with. Organization comes from grouping and sequencing.

January 16, 1990 8:45 AM

The challenge for today's PC user is to manage the flow of information between applications. Today's focus will be on strategies to accomplish this with the products listed below.

January 16, 1990 8:56 AM

Grouping & Sequence
Batch files
Advanced Commands
How far do I back up?
Sorting & Indexing
grouping & rows
Taking a vertical flow of information and grouping it horizontally. (i.e. transactions by Jan. Feb. Mar. Total)
Style sheets

January 21, 1990 6:44 PM

This evening I went to the city mail distribution center and handed over three boxes containing 649 envelopes. My mailer for this time of year. Here is the quiet before the storm. So much effort, so much control, like swimming towards a goal, once you get there it is tough to stop swimming. In some ways I feel I didn't reveal enough of my self, in others, too much. The cover letter starts out "My passion...". Yes, and it is my passion. ((Does my true love need also to be my passion? No of course not. Passion is the direction I plan on taking my true love into the future.)) The future is uncertain, but I am on a mission in life. (You can either see it that way or not, choice makes the difference.)

If you focus on how you play the instrument rather than what you play, whatever you play will be better. ((((I just had a good laugh because I wanted to do a WordPerfect keystroke while I am here in Framework. Control-End.))))

January 21, 1990 6:54 PM

And now that the mailer is over, other priorities rush in.

January 21, 1990 6:56 PM

Make a macro that takes you into the next frame. I use alt-1 to jump from where I am to the last place I was in another frame. (I wonder if they call them "frames" in Works?))

January 21, 1990 6:59 PM

When you plan a mailing, first "do" the database, then print the envelopes, then print the content, finally if you have one, print the cover letter. This is nothing new really, in high school they taught us to write the introduction last so that it could be accurate.

January 21, 1990 7:01 PM

In movement, there is effort and release. Effort is focused will in motion, release is surrendering your effort. Karate and stretching.

January 24, 1990 9:28 PM

Life goes on, and the survivors keep on keepin' on.

January 25, 1990 3:35 PM

In dBase IV reports there is a precedence of calculations: first named fields, then summary fields, then unnamed calculated fields.

January 26, 1990 3:58 PM

To really appreciate a database you have to have more information in it than you could possibly manage by hand. And then what fun to go looking for information and find what you are after.

January 26, 1990 4:00 PM

A keystroke to do a thing.

January 26, 1990 4:01 PM

The strategy to pursue is autonomy. What does that mean? It means being able to work with anybody's brand of electrons. Whether it's IBM or Apple, dBase or Paradox, black tie or casual, you walk among kings or fools with equal ease. Follow your boss' lead and run right past him with it. Why? Because only when you are out in front do you get to lead. Never is this more true than in electrons. Being the first to open the box is all it takes.

January 26, 1990 4:11 PM

"Figure it out for your self."
"But I don't have the time" she said."

January 26, 1990 4:14 PM

And so around and around we go, listening and talking, talking and listening. Do we talk about what we hear, or just talk to be heard?

The world doesn't belong to those who shove their way to the front. They are only tolerated by those who do. Little do we know about when we are the child and when we are the tolerant parent.

February 2, 1990 7:33 PM

They never understood, they never understood. The spectrum of understanding, never know, never unknown, always in a twirl.

February 2, 1990 7:36 PM

The art of training lies in the leverage you apply to the paradigm shift. When learning to implement technology always strive to press the limits of the technology you are using.

February 2, 1990 7:38 PM

(((((Just synthesize what you love and put it into ink.)))))mjm

February 2, 1990 7:39 PM

February 2, 1990 7:39 PM

February 2, 1990 7:40 PM

People who think they "know" computers have no idea of what is going on. The transformation is occurring in carbon, around you, all around you, so much so that you are unaware of the shift. But it is happening, the trip from the deepest level of the parking garage to the waiting helicopter on the roof. If you don't know about the helicopter how likely are you to make it to the roof?

February 2, 1990 7:43 PM

"Poor attendance, but I enjoyed hearing from my self."

February 2, 1990 7:44 PM

When you pay in cash you don't have to write.((((()))))

February 2, 1990 8:53 PM

I'm here, and I'm still standing.

February 2, 1990 9:00 PM

He may have been only a legend in his own mind, but to him that was all that mattered.

February 2, 1990 9:07 PM

The point is with broadcasting--you are a beam of light, point it as you will, condense it as you wish.

(((((Wow, man--heavy.)))))

February 2, 1990 9:09 PM

Grouping and sequence, grouping and sequences , always come back to your mind, like stretching, by focusing your attention on the system you relieve the pressure on the system.

Attention, more than concentration, because you can't concentrate on what doesn't get your attention.

February 4, 1990 11:13 AM

(((((You see it's all so superficial in connection. The joy to be had in controlling your information is indescribable. I've had a wrench on this nut for a long time, like kata, or mantra, I'm sure that eventually the nut will give, has to, this is just too much fun, so personal in its involvement)))))

February 4, 1990 11:36 AM

To evaluate concept use grouping and sequence; to evaluate reality use speed and space. mjm 11:37 AM

February 4, 1990 11:37 AM

February 4, 1990 12:21 PM

(((((Yea, there are still moments of chucklin' laughter, when the illusion of perceived truth is strongest. I come here, I type this, I laugh and I cry. And all the while I ask it why and what comes back is never slack, always the press to do more.)))))

February 4, 1990 12:27 PM

You appreciate things in your own way or you don't appreciate them at all.

February 4, 1990 12:36 PM

The discussion between Unix and OS2 is really one of who will control the desktop called memory. The limit to DOS is how big of a desk it can handle, the move to any other operating system will be forced by the capability of deskspace.

February 4, 1990 12:49 PM

What kills me is that anybody who works in electrons abroad is doing it in Framework. That says something about the global market being driven by those who are most sensitive to the edge of the envelope. The more I think about Framework being the front to the SQL server the more I smile. (And try to hide it.) Have you ever seen a computer in the hands of someone who knew how to use it? Isn't that what you want? Then let's work on that.

February 5, 1990 11:42 PM

@performkeys("{CTRL-D} GLOG.FW3{RETURN}{uparrow} {del}{dnlevel}{ALT-T}")

February 8, 1990 9:49 PM

Let what you learn be driven by what you need to know.

February 8, 1990 9:49 PM

February 9, 1990 9:01 PM

Having Lee here was real experience. Having someone make more from what you wrote, that is why you do it in the first place, no maybe second place, the first place is because looking down and watching your fingers chisel out the sequence in such a non thinking process is , well, it's incredible. And you can experience it too.

February 9, 1990 9:03 PM

February 10, 1990 1:00 PM

I feel really centered, the result of satisfying interactions with others. It is as though I shut down a part of the spectrum which makes it easier to be more centered. But that part of the spectrum brings up feelings like a distant traveler of his homeland. The heart never quite aches as it does for nostalgic romance.

February 10, 1990 1:06 PM

Carbon drives the silicon.

February 12, 1990 2:46 PM

Now what did he say? And what did I learn. Whew! That went by fast. He wanted to know how to exclude a record that contained a certain substring. He figured a two step process to get what he wanted by marking everything for deletion and then setting a retrieve criteria for the records he wanted excluded and then pack. Delete everything

February 13, 1990 10:05 PM

Show a ball to the class and then hide it behind your back. Ask if things in the room are bigger or smaller than what you showed them. The things in the room are the items in your database; the thing behind your back is a "memory" variable.

February 13, 1990 10:09 PM

February 13, 1990 11:17 PM

The people who see the most in you are those you treasure the most. ((It's as though you want to rely on those who see more in your self than you do.))

February 14, 1990 7:05 PM

The nesting of information as a method of organization has its roots in the nesting of awareness.

February 14, 1990 7:06 PM

February 15, 1990 8:09 AM

February 17, 1990 7:03 PM

I can't stand the burden of being good. If being good was all there was to life we would have passed into extinction long before we had an opinion. Instead, our will seeks the way. The path of will is not direct and does not meander, like water seeking is way to rest, will travels the path of least resistance. That would be a relief if it weren't for awareness. Being aware that we can influence the path robs us of complete surrender. Instead, we become Victoria Barkley, driven by and staking all on a set of values.

February 17, 1990 7:10 PM

Why does it seem that the moments of internal connection come further and further apart?

February 17, 1990 7:11 PM

Does anybody, or will anybody ever get my use of parens in my journal as a way to reflect nested consciousness? Levels, this sense of difference, how deeply something means to you.

February 17, 1990 7:17 PM

I find it fascinating to see how universally we move from left to right, top to bottom.

February 17, 1990 7:18 PM

Much of the difference I make is in how a person feels about playing the keyboard. How a person feels, not thinks, feels. (I often wonder if I am using my strongest side, my feelings, or if I prefer to live in my feelings and am feinting to conceal my strength, my mind. And yet, college left me feeling limited in both body and mind. As though no one expression is pure.

Why do I have to be such a pessimist? What is wrong with trying? What is wrong with making a serious effort to live?

February 20, 1990 8:33 AM

"What you learn is driven by what you need to know."

"I haven't had time to go through the book." that's OK he responded I'll teach you how to "figure it out on the fly."

February 20, 1990 8:35 AM

February 20, 1990 10:56 AM

What I like the most about what I do, other than being here watching my fingers do the dance, is that I learn with each effort, even though I get so down on my self.

February 20, 1990 11:06 AM

The strength of our existence relies upon our ability to maintain routines. In carbon, in silicon,

February 21, 1990 7:23 PM

A keystroke to do a thing. Over and over and over again--a keystroke to do a thing.

February 21, 1990 7:24 PM

So much to say, so little time to say it in, better live it like you believe it because there's time for little else.

February 21, 1990 7:25 PM

February 26, 1990 11:56 PM

(((((Now I ask you, after just looking up the definition of enticing to make sure I had it right, was I right--or what?)))))

(((((Maybe my joy does go beyond watching the carbon the joy of what gets translated.)))))

February 27, 1990 12:00 AM

So much is going on, an adequate handle is difficult to grasp. People in your organization are starting to discover the power of their PCs. How their knowledge enables then to do what they must get done in less time and less effort.

Perhaps the most notable obvious trait of youth is mistaken assumptions about limitations. And the youthful PC user is no different. To them, in their interest to accomplish the greatest with their new sword, their aim is beyond ability.

What is curious here is that ability is not so much limited by the individual as it is by the equipment. And so for a youth to act willfully, wisely, you would do well to understand the limitations that exist. The idea being--make the most of the limitations that currently exist, rather than trying to make the impossible happen.

On a different thread, each user is confronted with the choice of how much money to spend on the environment. To some extent hardware, but to a much larger extent software. And here I get out of my league. So much depends upon corporate politics rather than someone like me who is self employed and buys as much as they can afford. And what they can afford has a direct relationship on immediate need. So here you are, big guys makin' money, and not sure where and how to spend it. Give your people the tools to meet the challenge. Now that is saying something.

February 27, 1990 12:19 AM

(((((Understanding is nested. I suppose because awareness is expansive, like the shell of the nautilus.)))))

February 27, 1990 12:23 AM

When you can reduce the processing of information to a handful of concepts not only does the processing get vastly easier but there is so much time left over for other stuff.

February 27, 1990 12:27 AM

A keystroke to do a thing. Use a keystroke to do a thing. The more you think that way the more it will become that way. ((((()))))

February 27, 1990 12:29 AM

(((((And how curious that in the most intense efforts at capturing a stream of though, my eyes look away from the screen and to the keys, reaching with everything to capture the idea that gelled in the fading moment, not wanting to be distracted even by the stream of keystrokes appearing on the screen.)))))

February 27, 1990 12:35 AM

(((((When you have command of your body in a particular skill (like typing) it really separates who you are from what you do.)))))

February 27, 1990 12:36 AM

March 1, 1990 7:12 AM

The challenge of returning from a vacation is to transcend the paradigm you took the vacation from.

March 3, 1990 7:21 PM

The only thing that matters is what comes here, to paper and ink, via electrons. We survive by what we synthesize.

March 9, 1990 9:55 PM

You always out last the sequence. If you didn't you would be dead. So by surviving the moment, just like surviving the death of a friend, you carry on from what was left behind. Tim's ready to go the airport and we embrace the moment, till we must carry on alone. Makes the moment special.

March 9, 1990 9:57 PM

March 11, 1990 11:27 AM

You don't need to read the manual; you need to read the screen.

March 11, 1990 12:11 PM

You use software for what you need it to do, not for what it is capable of. Let your need to know drive what you learn and don't worry about the rest.

March 11, 1990 12:14 PM

I need to consolidate my work and show it to the big boys, maybe they'll be ready.

March 13, 1990 10:08 PM

All instructors are not created equal. Most just teach the subject matter without teaching an underlying concept that develops autonomy in all areas.

March 13, 1990 10:11 PM

I get mad at myself because I don't write more, especially more about what I feel I want to say. Yet, when it comes to it, the joy of artistry cannot be forced by will.

March 13, 1990 11:09 PM

It is often possible to understand something without being able to explain it. This might be because the context of how we understand is different than what we understand. Understanding comes from having a sense of grouping and sequence. I like the word sequence because it implies the domino effect where one act is the cause of the next. And grouping comes into play when you take a section of sequence and use a name to make it happen.

PC groupings that the newest of users can take advantage of are groupings that cause keystrokes to happen and groupings that cause commands to happen. (((That is really pretty good.)))

March 13, 1990 11:21 PM

I profess that you can best learn to use a personal computer by developing a feeling toward electrons. This means a feeling towards your self. If you want to feel good about this then you better feel good about you.

March 13, 1990 11:49 PM

I've allowed people to mean a great deal to me, some people, others seem to be shabbily treated because I am incapable of commitment. I am such a pompous ass, think so much of my mission in life that I sacrifice what seems like the best parts of my life.

March 14, 1990 12:06 AM

March 14, 1990 12:11 AM

"Are you getting it?" Are you getting a good stretch? Does it embrace your range of motion?

And a one night thing on partner stretching, movement. Our bodies as the ultimate drug for the spirit. How you use, or abuse, your body controls what you can do with your spirit. The people who I have always admired most are those who express a deep felt commitment to their lives by the kind of work that they do. Dancers are big cats in the jungle. It is so very difficult to joke with a dancer. So much focus on the inner connection?

March 14, 1990 12:29 AM

March 14, 1990 2:05 PM

If you can't cope with it, ignore it!

March 16, 1990 8:55 AM

People try to put the wrong things into words when they try to verbalize how they feel. Listening is the only way to interact with your feelings, thinking is best saved for what is out there not in here.

March 16, 1990 9:03 AM

Why is it that musicians can pour their heart out? Well let me put it this way, I envy musicians because they get to pour their heart out with their fingers and the message gets heard instead of read. ((Why is read and read spelled the same way?))

March 16, 1990 9:06 AM

March 17, 1990 12:05 PM

"Key stations" are those PC's in your company

March 17, 1990 12:06 PM

You can't deny a person their right to suffer. Many times that means you can't cut another person off with your judgement of them. Your judgement of them does not relieve you of your responsibility to resist them. You are not here to be right or wrong between each other, you are both here to pursue a common goal. If these are just jobs to you, then what are you doing in this department? Who let you in here? Where is the expression of who we are and what we are about? Where is the spirit towards the future and our participation in it?

March 17, 1990 9:07 PM

So it comes back to here, always to here, where we all go when we have a chance, to a place of listening, a place of connection.

March 17, 1990 10:35 PM

The fabric was special, the karate ge was white, supple, and strong. It moved ever so slowly in and out of an embracing stretch. The floor was hardwood, it was dark and raining outside, the rain dripping down the giant windows that went all the way to the top of the cathedral ceilings.

Soft low moans accompanied transitions from one position to another, sometimes repeated, slower and an obviously deeper stretch.

The transition from position to position was smooth and seemed like a wave going through the body.

What seemed like a smoked mirror on the wall came on automatically and the chimes started into 6 o'clock. The news was on and did not interrupt the workout.

March 18, 1990 12:53 AM

March 19, 1990 10:13 AM

The hardware really is catching up to the promises. An integrated environment that covers the spectrum of processing information autonomously. An environment that allows you to absorb data from any source of electrons, massage it as a database, filter it for a spreadsheet of projections, and graphically represent the reality of the numbers. Words then come into play, and on into a publishing environment for layout and duplication.

March 19, 1990 10:19 AM

March 21, 1990 7:44 PM

"Yea, Michael got a kick out o' (and now, by the time I captured the beginning of the sequence I forgot what I was going to say. Isn't that the way of it?)

March 27, 1990 8:01 AM

Looking back I'm not sure if I was confused or guided. I was raised to give back to a world that constantly gave so much to me that my appropriate response seemed to be nothing short of the best I had to offer. In searching for the best, in struggling with the rest, I found you. Here, writing, for so many years, wrestling with the keys to make what I heard come out on paper and ink. For a long time I believed what I had to offer wouldn't, couldn't, be appreciated needed or used until long after my death, which was OK by me. Now it isn't OK and I don't think it will ever be appreciated or needed. Life just goes on, taking what it wills to satisfy its hunger for more.

I don't know why I turned out this way. My self and I are complete strangers. My parents insulated me enough to keep me in the game. And all those people who loved me, who still love me, is it burden or buoyancy?

April 5, 1990 9:36 AM

I know, I know, I have barely written a lick in here in quite a while, but an accounting must be taken and that's where my attention has been.

The current seems non-existent in my electrons direction but you never can tell when a bend in the river will hold an exciting set of rapids. I have some more to say about electron transformation but that will have to wait till another time.

And here I am, in my journal, doing my thing, and doing it so poorly. With just a pinch of self confidence it could be so much more.

I don't talk about what matters to me anymore because it seems like what matters to me doesn't matter to anyone out there. It is all in here, between me and the electrons. I have turned my back on my passion, my electrons, and started waiting for "mine own destruction". If this is true maybe I should forget about novelizing my ideas and just worry about getting more of them frozen into electrons. It seems so long since I cared enough to even try and express them. The ideas haven't changed, the caring hasn't changed, only the motivation to express ideas that nobody cares to hear.

Life is an ongoing orgasm. How you deal with it is up to you. Much of learning about life is coming to appreciate the sequential nature of reality. We call it time. The paradox comes in when we recognize that awareness occurs only in the moment. It is a momentary thing. Using our awareness to cope with that which lies beyond our awareness is no small undertaking. It has to do with appreciating that our life is a series of moments that build into a sequence. The sequence becomes historical perspective, but the moments that make up the sequence transcend the historical perspective. Much like swimming in a river--there is current, current has a vectored direction that is not arbitrary and does not arbitrarily shift. you can't choose to leave the water and fly and you cannot swim to the bank and leave the current. So you are stuck in the current that has a direction. Time is a one way street. The one option you have is motion, your body is a whole over which you have complete control. You can flail, you can float, or you can swim. The choice is up to you. That is what you have is choice and the biggest area you have choice over is your attitude. Your attitude determines how you move. How you move determines how you fair in the current. How you fair in the current becomes how you fair in life. Because life is a time line in which you are inextrinsically immersed till death. (Maybe even after that.)

Your attitude towards your swimming, towards your motion, determines how you fair. I care about how you move through your carbon system, namely your body and how you move through your silicon system, namely your personal computer. Both involve similar principles that when applied yield similar results.

The first principle of movement is that the quality of sequence has a direct relation to the quality of result. The quality of the sequence determines the quality of the result.

((I know I should pursue this now, while I'm at it, but I'm tired and it can wait, I hope. Whether it reaches a novel or only here in the journal, I must not desert the ideals which got me this far. Call it being true to your school.))

April 11, 1990 12:46 AM

April 11, 1990 10:24 AM

So now I'm here and dropping everything to see what comes out . And I sit in silence, like a kid enthralled by a clown, and listen.

Perhaps, if anything, I was allowed to look for my own answers too much. Is that possible? I did get to spend an addictive amount of time in between the spaces of chaotic thought. Beyond the thinking to the true listening. So many people stop at listening to the mind, when so much lies beyond mind's door. Listening to your body, there's my hangup. Listening to the stretch. The quietest of actions, the quality of the interaction, help make living an ongoing meditation in motion. (((((and ya see, I like this stuff, I like, no...I love this connection of expression, listening to what I hear rather than what I'm thinking, and physically expressing it by playing the keyboard.)))))

April 11, 1990 10:39 AM

Save the work that you do as you do it! Don't wait till you are finished! You never finish, so you must save as you go along. You must know how to save then you must know what to save.

April 12, 1990 5:52 PM

Your attitude towards living affects the quality of your life. Try to live life as a journey and not as a destination.

April 12, 1990 5:54 PM

April 16, 1990 5:43 AM

I think it is much easier addressing someone else than it is to write down what you hear.

April 16, 1990 5:44 AM

April 18, 1990 8:02 AM

Grouping and sequence, grouping and sequence, everywhere you look there is evidence of reality's intrinsic structure. In programs, in stretching, in poker, the sequence of events governs the blossom of time.

April 19, 1990 11:37 PM

"For the world is hollow, and I have touched the sky."

I guess, as long as there is sanctuary in the flotilla there is hope in the future.

April 21, 1990 11:37 PM

She worked hard to get where she was and now she was fired. Things had changed. No longer was it enough to be a good people person, now the job called for a computer wiz to control access to the company's most vital asset--its information.

The payroll, the receivables, the client list, was all in the computer now and her job needed the skill to control access to it, something that never interested her until now when it was too late.

Leroy was just a kid, not friendly, and always lording what he knew over the heads of others. Eventually, he was the only one that could get anything to work so the choice as to who was going to be the new office manager was not so much a choice as it was a necessity. He was the only one who could do the job. Now he had it and Gina was wondering what she was going to do next.

April 21, 1990 11:47 PM

April 24, 1990 8:35 AM

Last night in a poker game I had the winning hand and let the others contradict me. Meekly I assumed they had to be right when they were not. I hope this teaches me a lesson. After 37+ years you would think that just because everyone else said that I had lost I could stick to my guns and point out the error of their thinking!

April 25, 1990 9:49 PM

So Joe, a written exam, I'll start now.

April 25, 1990 9:50 PM

Timing in karate is a matter of waiting to respond. Going slow enough to let your senses muster an appropriate response. As in programming, you develop groups of sequences "Kata's", so that we might pattern implement them to respond to a situation that responds as fast as you let it.

(This is where people are wrong when they use technology to respond faster instead of slower.)

The movement paradigm I prefer is the abstraction of an absolute three dimensional axis which in math is commonly called X, Y, and Z. Much of this comes from the sense that chaos turns in to cosmos. By virtue of the exertion of will that which is vectored turns into orbital. The opposite expression of will is the nautilus shell, surging through time ever trying to resist the outpouring spiral of chaos.

So it seems that time tries to unwind us, and to persevere we must stay wound. This staying wound focuses primarily along the axis that passes through the hips. It is the fountainhead of the spine as well as its foundation. The stability of the foundation along the X-axis (stance) is necessary before any real control can be gained along the Y.

April 25, 1990 10:09 PM

April 25, 1990 10:40 PM

Joe, I would make learning the stretching sequence a necessary part of the testing process. Whatever we do in class we always start out stretching. This makes it an important kata to learn so it can be reproduced away from the dojo.

This kata is called "Dojoe" because it is the way of Joe. It is a stretching kata done at the beginning of each class. ((Only preceded by the opening ceremony.))

So too is the beginning of turning on a computer. ((((("turning" on))))) The AUTOEXEC.BAT file is always the beginning of the sequence. By controlling it you can do a lot with what comes after.

Definitely seems to be parallel tracks. Or orbits?

April 25, 1990 10:51 PM

April 26, 1990 9:21 PM

Kata is much like Plato's ideal form. In our effort to do kata we are in search of the feeling buried within the sequence of motions. When you find the feeling in the form you find the form. Sparring defense, so little is said about sparring defense. How do you feel out your sparring opponent? How do you formulate a response to the combinations that are coming at you? Is there a better time to counter than another?

April 26, 1990 9:25 PM

"Relax" has to come in order to move fluidly. "Body upright" allows balance. "Lead from the hips" moves the structure from the base axis. "Separation" accelerates change. And "breathing", last so that it may be remembered first, unifies mind and body into the continuum of experience.

April 26, 1990 9:31 PM

He spoke of stepping outside the reflective sphere. All we see of life is that which spirals out from the center of the moment--now. Like a pinwheel, or a nautilus shell, the real action, the happening taking place in the now is at the axis, the center of revolution. ((revolt, revolution, round and round)) When you step outside the sphere you see into the sphere as all as an outcome of what happens. What happens is never seen directly, only its reflection within the sphere. Like an asteroid that is unaware of its composition until it gets sucked into a decaying orbit and starts losing fragments of its mass due to the friction, so too, is it with life and time. We experience the friction and sense the pieces of ourselves pealing off in the heat of the encounter. It seems like death is the mass going granular, but the awareness of the mass is not dependent upon the amount of mass. The more we lose the more likely we are to grow in the awareness of the nexus of our awareness. The nature of the subject of awareness is what is important and the objects of awareness only serve to help us focus on the subject.

April 26, 1990 9:40 PM

May 2, 1990 1:03 AM

What I know about life and the martial arts is that they are both sequential in nature. Life is governed by the sequence of time; the arts by the sequence of motion.

I participate in martial arts to enable me to more fully participate in life. Life moves so fast it is tough to respond in a manner that allows continuance. By my pursuit of martial arts my ability to participate in life increases.

Martial arts is comprised of different exercises that develop sequential patterns that can be called on later and replayed without the interference of mentality. ("Slow mind") Kicks, punches, combinations, and katas all can be granularized into their sequential patterns. The whole process of evolving in the martial arts is one of grouping patterns that can be linked together spontaneously. This means beyond thought, to where thought is only a minor contributor to the level of awareness that is participating in the moment.

If all I knew about life and the martial arts reduced to reasons then my answer would fall far short of the truth. I do it for the sake of it. I do it for the focus on the moment that it brings, for the escape from the extrapolation of the moment into the figment of imagination we call time. I live life and do martial arts for the sharing of the experience with those whom I love. Without the special people I train with, I would not train. Instead, I would do stretching, or Pilates, or swim, whatever would allow me to be physical with other sophisticated energy forms. I believe life is driven by will seeking joy; karate is no different.

Part two has to do with how what I know about life and the martial arts has to do with the experience of testing. Testing brings all the abstraction of sequence into the reality of the moment. For the moment is all there is. The meditation that begins from the moment we enter the dojo to the moment we leave is only a reflection of our birth and death. By focusing on smaller segments of the sequence we can control larger groups of sequence.

Groups, the Yin of the Yang called sequence. Testing forces the work we do on building sequences into groups that occur in the now. We pursue martial arts in order to embrace the moment. For as much as it seems one moment leads to the next, and that is considered "true", the higher truth is that all we have is the moment. Consciousness is nowness. Oh sure, you can be aware of the appearance of the sequentiality of experience, but experience is something you never turn off and review. It is ongoing, a continuum that probably isn't even broken by death, but we'll save that discussion for my light belt test. ((Nice huh, "light belt"?))

Now I mean to tie the two questions together through the expression of the dojo kun. By seeking perfection of character you seek to syncopate with will. Faith means building no dams of ego. Endeavor acknowledges the wonder of free will and its necessity in order to seek perfection. Respecting others takes what you are beyond who you are. ((I like that too!)) And finally, refraining from violent behavior reminds us that life can change so dramatically, paradigm shifts, that unless we seek to maintain a smooth sequence through time we will ourselves into history.

I want to thank you for a good test. It was one I felt I could respond to. Life and the martial arts are sequential. Testing groups the sequences into the moment. We pursue one in order to savor the other. Thank you for making it taste so good.

May 2, 1990 1:52 AM

May 2, 1990 6:41 PM

The grasshopper eats the ant.

May 2, 1990 6:42 PM

Testing makes you aware of the sequence, lets you get a taste of how fast life can happen and how slow you can be reacting.

May 2, 1990 6:43 PM

Is there any way to really learn to protect your ribs other than from having not?

May 2, 1990 6:44 PM

Sequence doesn't take on flavorful significance until it changes from a vector to an orbit. An orbit means rotation and rotation is implicit in the unfolding of time, like a machine mixing cake batter, only happening in reverse. Rotation only happens when involved with another force. A constant force. A directed force.

To achieve motion we apply our will; we tighten our spiral of energy. And how is that? By envisioning a sequential pattern to our movements. The sequential pattern, our movement, harmonizes with the evolving spiral of time and we become surfers on the expanding spiral of existence.

This takes me to the quantum mechanistic view that all energy is connected. And this is true. Once we reach critical mass on the issue of interconnectivity the paradigm shift will make the new frontier what it will be, and as far as I can tell, we won't even realize that things were any different.

The martial arts help put me in touch with my self as a cloud of energy in the thunder storm of life. You exist because you want to, now if not before. The sequential nature of time wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that you can learn, learning implies memory, and memory can exist in carbon or silicon. By far and away carbon is the safer bet. Silicon will never have the spiral of DNA. Which brings me to the DNA spiral helix as the most compact way of storing and duplicating information.

May 2, 1990 7:01 PM

Testing teaches you to deal with expectation. Part of the instructor's job is to heighten the tension by asking if they are nervous, making the discussion open to the class. Engendering interaction between the clouds of the storm to allow the balancing discharges to occur when you experience differences.

May 2, 1990 7:06 PM

May 2, 1990 7:42 PM

The energy we extend into life and the martial arts is a confluence of our energy with others. Your energy is amplified by others going in the same direction. Some attempts to participate create a drag, (((((and that's when you really get into what it means to be wagon master!)))))

May 8, 1990 12:36 PM

What I don't like about being unconnected is that you never really step out of being in the moment. What's next? What's next, is all ways the question. No time to listen, no time not to care, no time to be what you are without worrying who it is you are trying to be.

May 8, 1990 12:39 PM

So much and so little is going on lately, tough to separate the two. Tough to listen and remember to be still and know that thou are god. I've been calmer than I've been in a while, like it all doesn't make as much difference as it used to. It still does, I'm just calmer about it now.

May 8, 1990 12:47

There were times when life wasn't so

May 8, 1990 12:55 PM

I remember sitting at the breakfast table of Beth talking with her so passionately about my feelings. Makes me think of the guilt trip we put on our youth, as though through the elders efforts they are going to change anything.

May 8, 1990 1:19 PM

Well you got what you wanted; now, was it worth the pain?

Makes me ashamed at how little I've settled writing about. When there is so much more, so much more

May 8, 1990 1:24 PM

How is it that we need to reach back into our past to make a connection with who we are in the present?

May 8, 1990 1:25 PM

I don't even remember her, other than as a reflection of my self, and since that time there have been so many reflections I'm living inside a reflective sphere. All of it pointing to the god-within, none of it seeming to matter. None of it seeming to matter, so much of life is leftovers. ((I can understand why Hemmingway used his toe.)) So sleep now michael, to the forgiving embrace of slumber...

May 17, 1990 12:12 AM

I don't write when I'm not connected, pity, I don't think either, as though my brain is just running in idle waiting to hear something that puts it into gear.

My values, where have my values taken me? The unknown, the unattainable, the yet to be experienced. But there is no peace in that, is there? There is peace in knowing that what is is what always will be. And to participate in what you choose of that is the best that you can manage.

My father has always been the bookkeeper, making sure that there has always been enough. What happens after he goes? Will we find out then what I'm actually made of? Or have I been made of the same stuff all along, in one end and out the other?

You see, I've abandoned hope in my journal, makes me smirk to see the words on the screen, but it's true. Abandoned hope, and why? Because nobody cares. Nobody wants to get there, nobody wants to change.

May 17, 1990 12:23 AM

I was wrong about testing, so wrong I am not even sure what is right and what is wrong. I've had a lot of thoughts about testing since and hope that I get some of them captured that I may share them with you.

Testing is a way of putting yourself at risk, practice combat if you will, building expectation for the moment so when the moment comes it will be familiar (and more controllable).

As much as I would have liked to display complete sequences, isn't the idea to use fragments to match the moment? Isn't the key to move fluidly, stringing fragments together like a necklace of pearls?

May 17, 1990 12:31 AM

(((((I've come so far into my self that I really only have my self for company. It's tough to be still and know that thou art god. And so that he might no be alone he created man. Bizarre.))))) To be so alone, with no exit, and to return from an evening walk on the railroad tracks, no better off, no less alone, but somehow willing to surrender to slumber.

I wish I could write fiction. If I could I would write about a character that went around and empowered peoples' lives. He would give them more control over their living, more control over their loving, more control over their destiny.

It seems there are but two issues in life--our health and our wealth. Developing the well being of each no small task in the arena of survival.

What has been discouraging lately is the realization that people love to be butterflies. Fluttering here and there, whimsically dealing with life, they resist reality. We are godlike--seeking to have our will become real from moment to moment without connection or dependence between the moments. And here is the rub, for all that we can "know" about life, for all of the moments we create as pearls, the necklace of time governs the unfolding sequence of nature.

So much of what is possible depends upon the sequence of your actions. In your life in general, in your work with a personal computer, in your physical conditioning, the sequence influences the outcome.

May 17, 1990 12:51 AM

So I've got a party coming up. With a lot of reasons to be nervous, or feel pressured, I don't; and I'm not going to. Life just keeps pitching; I'll keep swinging. And listening. I want to listen more and act less. Something might come from that.

May 17, 1990 12:54 AM

May 20, 1990 9:38 AM

(((((That's it isn't it? You hate not being connected because it denies you union with your self. The terrible third person that our minds tenaciously try to be. If the self is other then who are you?)))))

May 20, 1990 9:41 AM

We are only acting defensively in our computer training needs. Is that enough? Is it being responsible as a leader of your people?

What offensive? Pay for skills. Design a skill level in personal computing skills that means a bump in rating in the company's pay scale. Don't make it easy.

What really turns me on as the corporate tutor is the inflated sense of ego. Establish a purchase order mechanism to bring in outside talent. ((Ah, yes but then who controls? You, me, everyone, to the extent that anyone is allowed. To the extent that anyone is able.))

I guess I feel unchallenged. ((((("Not 'why', but 'what' am I going to do about it.")))))

((((It is all so sequential. Is it as difficult for a sequential to accomplish grouping?))))

May 20, 1990 9:58 AM

(So now the colors are reversed, and on a dark desktop I type into an ocean of blue with cyan characters.)

May 20, 1990 10:01 AM

Ten recommendations.
Library allowance, per employee, allowed by supervisor.
Copies of Fastback Plus for each machine.
PC Boot Camp quarterly.
Expand Directions; shrink expense.

May 20, 1990 10:12 AM

May 22, 1990 8:11 AM

The power in the personal computer is not in having it set up for you but in setting it up for yourself.

May 22, 1990 8:12 AM

May 24, 1990 8:07 AM

Here in my log, the only connection worth making other than living, eating, and breathing in Boulder this time of year. I have started turning off the TV. I can't listen to my self when so much static is in the air. In the listening, I am starting to hear my self in a way that is either new to me or so old I had forgotten what it was like. I hear my self for what it is and not so much what I think it to be. There is less and less distraction, or opportunity, (or ability), or interest, to be anything else but me. What is that me? Humm, that puts me on the pinnacle looking out into the darkness with the last light of sunset fading on the horizon behind me, aware of the coming night and eventual day, feeling my presence in the sequence of time.

May 24, 1990 8:16 AM

I am about to be flooded with other people in my life. Will it help or hurt my presence? I am truly tired; this story of my life seems to have gone on forever and I'm not so much ready for an end as I am a respite. (Getting off the merry-go-round of my personality.)

May 24, 1990 8:19 AM

My closest friends are still distant cousins to my self, but I am its true love. Through me self gains expression. "Through him, with him, in him, in the unity" with him--life unfolds.

May 24, 1990 8:23 AM

What a curious experience cosmos is, its ability to be self reflective, its spiral nature. Perhaps consciousness is only something you engage in, like choosing to see a picture among a pattern of dots.

May 24, 1990 8:29 AM

Life requires so much participation, involves so much distraction that the distraction forces its self to become living and that is so much less than is possible.

May 29, 1990 11:28 PM

"If you reach too hard for something you are bound to lose your balance." mjm May 29, 1990

May 31, 1990 1:02 AM

If what you learn is supposed to be driven by what you need to know then the training you receive should be in tune with what you need to do. Unless there is a need for the knowledge it won't matter much and it won't be retained. What does matter is how you go about getting the job done. What matters is the process. Develop the process and whatever the job is gets processed in the same way.

May 31, 1990 1:06 AM

May 31, 1990 12:30 PM

There, that's better. The time is now correct.

May 31, 1990 12:30 PM

May 31, 1990 4:11 PM

The worlds that we live, the complex weave of lives that we lead, ((( A verb isolates action into a recognizable form. In isolating the action we tend to think of that part of the action as separate from the rest when in fact it is all a current of action.)))

May 31, 1990 4:14 PM

And now I'm off to grandmot

May 31, 1990 4:20 PM

New file. Each FWIII frame can hold a maximum of 66K.

May 31, 1990 4:27 PM

I have to do some business. What do I want to do and how do I get paid for it.

June 3, 1990 9:24 PM

"My eyes are wide open ... swallowing my drool."

June 3, 1990 9:26 PM

How many of you make training decisions for other people?

Everyone we'd be interested in talking to. Plus the executive: Are you an executive who has specific goals? Are you an executive who would like more of a training strategy than going to beginning, intermediate, and advanced classes? (((((Ohhh baby!)))))

June 3, 1990 9:29 PM

June 3, 1990 9:31 PM

Dad, can you get a grouping of checks that are entered but not yet cut? (So I could enter a check when I got it and deal with it in electrons from there.)

June 3, 1990 9:31 PM

People play it petty because they like to play it petty; it takes effort to live a life of values.

June 3, 1990 9:34 PM

On the stretching stuff, don't give up. And make sure you make it to karate.

June 3, 1990 9:39 PM

The point I'm missing about RAM is that for the cost it lets you have access to so much so fast.

June 3, 1990 9:40 PM

June 3, 1990 11:28 PM

You don't learn from your mistakes; you learn from your experience and try not to repeat your mistakes.

June 3, 1990 11:29 PM

"...just a segment on the spectrum of awareness."

June 3, 1990 11:29 PM

To live one continuous motion that many would say is meditation appears that way but seldom is.

June 3, 1990 11:31 PM

June 3, 1990 11:36 PM

The funny thing is if you don't embrace your dreams you are less than anybody, but if you do you are among the great. Why is dreaming such a dare?

June 4, 1990 11:32 AM

June 4, 1990 10:20 PM

A keystroke to do a thing. I can't emphasize that enough. Reach for a keystroke to do a thing.

June 4, 1990 10:24 PM

What matters? Movement, because movement is an expression of will.

Posture is the foundation of movement. Posture alone can give you strength. If you are about to enter a room where your presence will be challenged, and you know how to reach for ideal posture, your power will be focused. You will be focused.

So how do you reach for ideal posture? Stretch your spine in opposite directions and perpendicular to the primary gravity field.

June 4, 1990 10:32 PM

June 7, 1990 11:35 PM

So all that's left is here, the journal, like vegetables left too long in the open air, dried up and shriveled, waiting to be thrown away.

June 9, 1990 10:00 PM

Can a man can isolate his joy and embrace it?

June 9, 1990 10:18 PM

And so around and around we go, listening and talking, talking and listening. Do we talk about what we hear, or just talk to be heard?

The world doesn't belong to those who shove their way to the front. They are only tolerated by those who do. Little do we know about when we are the child and when we are the tolerant parent.

June 9, 1990 10:20 PM

June 9, 1990 10:22 PM

The issue is always money. And money doesn't get spent unless the need is obvious and the solution clear. In the case of PC training though the need is obvious the solution in not. So no money gets spent.

I know the solution. The solution is to focus on autonomy. Even for those who can't or won't develop themselves, the program has to be there. You can't make people exercise but you can spend a whole lot making it easier. To me the question is how to spend the money. Only letting managers choose whether or not someone can go to class would be like letting the states run the federal government. It is clear that classes, talks, and a chance to ask questions should be open to all, sponsored and paid for by the directors. Put a lot of people in a room and talk concept, talk possibility. Establish a library in conjunction with the store. Use the computer to do it. Think of the spin-off interaction you get between one employee asking another for a book on a common interest?

June 10, 1990 11:24 AM

(((((for making things different, for realigning the sequence that we're in.))))) We work out to make things different, to adjust the sequence. We go to class to develop learning habits that develop sequence for highest impact.

June 10, 1990 11:27 AM

Paying attention to the sequence that you do things in helps to make you more aware that things happen in sequence.

June 11, 1990 6:22 AM

No more class; no more money. Profit cannot pay for debt, it must pay for re-investment.

I've been dealing too much lately with detail and not enough with aspiration.

June 11, 1990 12:19 PM

I guess I see the sensitivity to the fact that money spent on training is a variable cost.

(((((Maybe I think in paragraphs the largest expression of the more regular verb.))))) to string a bunch of paragraphs together to say anything seems more effort than just letting the idea control the action. (I see more and more of this in the times ahead. What Satellite TV has done for us is let us all act in unison. Until we can all communicate with each other how can we all act as one?)

It's a personnel position not a data processing, though the only difference between the two is carbon and silicon. ((Doing mechanically what we do chemically.))

June 11, 1990 2:53 PM

We can always go much faster than any computer. We will always spend time waiting for computers to do their thing. Often, action is called for before you have the answers you need. This distance between the answers you need and the time you have to respond is called your information float. Like floating checks, you are vulnerable to size and timing. The strength of any company lies in its people; if you develop the autonomy of the people you make the organization more vital. To develop autonomy you have to focus on it, reward it, and nurture it.

June 12, 1990 8:42 AM

I watch people every day struggle with their beliefs.

June 12, 1990 8:59 AM

June 12, 1990 9:09 AM

In Framework you use the most powerful software to capture your most powerful act--imagination. Why? Because life is sequential and nested so must be the software that moves within be. Framework allows you to develop the sequence and the nest simultaneously! I've never seen anything in electrons do that in the standard 640K memory machines.

June 13, 1990 7:34 AM

From an up-an' coming trainer: "If your work looks better you look better!" Wish I had said it, but all I can do is pass it along.

June 13, 1990 11:49 AM

The deeper you go beyond a certain point you lose buoyancy. At least be able to support your own file management needs directly from DOS. Sure there are easier ways, but none that stays as much in common as the DOS level involvement.

June 13, 1990 4:42 PM

Dreams live the life of a tree. Taking seed, spurts of early growth, then a long line of surrendering leaves and laying dormant for a season, only to be reborn again with another layer of skill to support the outward surge from within.

June 13, 1990 4:46 PM

June 14, 1990 10:41 AM

(((((Raising children is like trying to warm boot the carbon system.)))))

June 14, 1990 10:44 AM

The law of the jungle is tracking information. Not just as someone else's minion, but your own.

June 14, 1990 10:52 AM

Heavy duty tools are out there that let you keep track. Of course there's still the issue of having something to keep track of--namely sales.

June 17, 1990 9:44 PM

When your laserjet is humming beside you ready to launch into action--that's comfort.

June 17, 1990 10:04 PM

((I keep coming back to the shift in attitude towards pessimism into bitterness.))

I think I've confused the purpose behind my journal writing. It is not for self reflection; it is for communication. I have to report, I have to communicate my findings, draw conclusions and point directions. Why? Why bother? (Hasn't that been my attitude lately? Have I not begun taking my low key, don't-care attitude seriously?)

June 17, 1990 10:19 PM

Tonight, my friend leaving for Europe lamented the upcoming absence of her favorite radio program. "Tape it" I said. And she did. Another example of capturing the electrons you need for when you want them later.

June 17, 1990 10:23 PM

The tables feature in WordPerfect really blurs the conceptual distinctions between applications like word processing, spreadsheets and databases. The grouping of the rows and columns of a database meets the sequence of text in a word processor.

To try and get too specific is to get caught in the quicksand. When you focus on the concept driving the capability you float on the specifics. Concepts, like grouping and sequence, organization, attitude, and effort, govern how well you fare or how you make your farewells.

June 17, 1990 10:38 PM

In spite of all my skepticism I have come across multiple re-affirming comments about the importance of a log.

A manager of a secretarial pool says the only way she can keep track of what a person has done is to maintain the work history in a log that shows who they've worked for and what that are capable of doing.

The manager of technical support forces all calls through a number that has a log attached to it.

June 24, 1990 7:59 AM

I never come here anymore, or so it seems, lost dreams are hard to recollect. I wanted to come here this morning and try to capture the feeling of being in bed, not asleep not awake, and hearing the first bird make a noise to announce the break of day.

There is nothing like it. In one piercing moment you change from silence to the clamor of the coming morning.

June 27, 1990 8:28 PM

At the sound of distant thunder the father gathered his children out on the porch to eat popcorn and watch the lightening. It was a regular show in the summer, mother would make an extra big batch, well doused with butter, and together under blankets the family would count aloud the seconds between bursts of lightening and the following thunder.

June 29, 1990 11:34 AM

Being married took too much time. And having kids would take all of it. So I'm single.

June 30, 1990 10:13 AM

I come here when I have no where else to go. It's been that way ever since I was a young boy in boarding school. At first I expected to have a best friend to confide my feelings to. It was there, in boarding school, that I learned expectations usually let you down.

The one thing that journal writing does is that it gives you the chance to listen. Sure, you don't have to. Journal writing can be the mind's garbage dump, but it also can be the reflection of your relationship with that part of you within that is divine.

I feel like I've already said it all. Already put so much of who I am and the way I see things into my journal that there's nothing left to do. But maybe that's not true. Maybe what needs to be done now is to hold up the lantern, now that I have it built and lit, hold it aloft to reach those traveling in my part of the terrain. It always comes as a shock to me when a friend reminds me that not everyone thinks as deeply as I do. Few people have had the time, interest, or ability, to reflect on life like I have.

The joy has escaped me that brought me to this journal. The times most precious to me, those moments of greatest connection, have been when I went beyond trying to capture an idea in the journal to being connected to the moment, as though a person removed from the effort, and watched the fingers trying to keep up with the flood of experience the words were trying to reflect. It is a wondrous thing, to behold someone who can use a machine to capture consciousness. More than thought, more than feelings, language is a flower of will. Will is a funny thing, will is god, will is what works, will is most evident in youth who are inexperienced in suppressing it. Our will is god within us. Who we are and what we become is what we let out of our will. We saddle our will with values. Humm. "We saddle our will with values." mjm June 30, 1990 10:35 AM To me what that implies is that our lives become our values, which forces us to eventually defend our values, instead of offensively expressing our will.

July 6, 1990 9:17 PM

Before I go off to do any other projects, I must say that I am doing a lot of growing on the inside and I hope that the growth shows its self in my writing.

July 8, 1990 7:59 PM

I knew the Hermit years before he knew what he was all about. He was still listening then, wondering at what he heard. He was talented, not just in one area, but whatever he was interested in, talented but not unlimited ability. I guess that's what made it so difficult for him, trying to find his calling amidst so many things at which he was able.

That's how he thought, that people had a calling, and it was each individual's responsibility to find and follow that calling.

Teaching became a comfortable niche, a up-close and personal way of sharing his self with others. But it was not enough for him because he knew his calling was to embrace his joy and share it with the world. He had it all figured, but he wasted time getting it done.

July 8, 1990 9:11 PM

DP's job is to maintain the capability of the electrons; personnel's job is to maintain the capability of the carbon. The people, that is the carbon. And in the work force one of the true paradigm shifts of opportunity comes in developing the skill of a person to use electrons to process information. This is similar to teaching a person how to use a telephone or drive a car. Imagine how your life would change if you could no longer use a phone or drive a car. Now imagine how much different your life would be (and your income) if you could really use a personal computer.

July 8, 1990 9:18 PM

The value of creativity is that it somehow inspires hope. And hope keeps us hanging around. (((Why I have no clue, for the chance of a high among the lows, I suppose, or maybe just to make us aware of the beauty in the moment, no matter how it is remembered.)))

July 8, 1990 9:22 PM

I used to believe, and somewhere, back there, I quit and started living my life in the passive mode. Shame really, to write so much with such a focus and try to do it in fiction?

July 11, 1990 5:52 PM

The world never cries for those left alive. For them hope remains. But for those who have gone their way, all that's left is what we have to say.

July 12, 1990 11:08 PM

Real data in real time--that's what we're headed for. Why? Because the capability is there. An example? DDE in Windows. No matter how they do it people need to know what it is they need to do.

July 12, 1990 11:10 PM

You have to empower the enduser because that's where the power is headed. The decision seems to come down to who will rule--feudal lords or an ideal.

It's a people issue, not an MIS thing. It's MIS's job to establish and support the electrons; it's personnel's job to find or train the people who can use the electrons. They are hard to find because there aren't many of them around. The advantages of directing your own training and support program are already well established in other areas. But with PC's nobody's sure quite what to do. Everyone has an opinion, usually adding to the confusion. I have a definite strategy that I have pursued over the last 6 years that revolves around training people to be autonomous. (Because that is where the power is flowing--to the person that can use it.)

July 14, 1990 9:15 AM

When you look into a mirror what do you see? Is there anything to see? We stand on the beach of consciousness looking out onto the sea of experience and want to embrace it all. But we can not. We can float on it, swim in it, fly above it, but never lose our selves in it.

The search for meaning can be a waste of time for no search is necessary, only choice. What meaning do you choose?

My journal keeps me company when no one else can. Usually, it is me talking to my self, and once in a while it is me listening to my self. I have traveled so far in my desire to understand that now I feel confused about where I've been. (And what, if anything, it is that I understand.) As though I've been trying so hard to play a part that I lost whomever it was that was playing the part to the part itself. Now it is so hollow, there seems to be no me in middle. If I am I writer, why don't I write? I am mad at my self, bitter at not being something more than I am. Where has my aspiration gone?

July 16, 1990 10:34 AM

A journal is a place for what you hear and what you make of what you hear but all too often, for me at least, it becomes shallow chit-chat. My self is the last person in the world I need to be talking to; instead, I want to be listening, but I can't, or won't, actually I feel more that it is 'can't' than 'won't'. I can't hear my self. I am left alone, alone to make of life what I will, and in walks will to play cards and puts a gun on the table. And now I'm nervous. My will is so powerful, so destructive, makes me distrust who I am and unsure of who I want to be. ((And none of this matters. I am lost among the trees and have stopped commenting on the forest. And commenting on the forest is where I make my witness, where I share with others my view of the forest.))

July 16, 1990 10:49 AM

A few of my closer friends are into programming the subconscious. God, I hate the idea. It's like building irrigation ditches instead of riding the rapids. Life is all to contrived as it is. We go to war out of boredom, it's the action, the excitement of surviving that keeps us in the game. (((Isn't it?))) ((((I don't really know.))))

July 16, 1990 10:58 AM

"It took me a few trips though to recognize it as a gate."

July 19, 1990 10:30 PM

The test had barely begun when the first signs of lightening started to show through the dark windows of the dojo. James knelt in line with the others waiting his turn to show the progress of his efforts.

July 21, 1990 12:21 PM

It is not as important what you know as how you approach what you don't.

July 21, 1990 12:21 PM

July 21, 1990 10:00 PM

You have to teach the user how to fend for themselves. The more you try to make it easy for them the harder you make it for the organization.

Values and attitudes. Everyone says they have no time for this stuff. This attitude can't go on. The organization has to establish the value by leadership and by investment. This means proclaim the value and spend money to achieve it. Not to do for others but to help others do for themselves.

The revolution in technology is on a personal level. Maybe that's what makes it such a large revolution. Everyone is involved and everyone is affected. We have to teach people to teach themselves to drive their own cars and answer their own telephones.

August 9, 1990 Thursday 12:36 AM

She worked behind the bar, thick blond hair braided tight to length that belied an all too recent cut to just below the ears. Her pain was hidden to all but the most observant. Someone in her recent past had given her cause to cut what must have been the most opulent length of hair that any man dare hope for. Like a nun, suffering penance, the depth of suffering hiding behind eyes that were friendly up to a point where no one crossed.

September 12, 1990 Wednesday 9:58 AM

All right! Here I am after just loading Excel and Word because I just moved up to a 386 with 4, count 'em, 4 megs of ram. And in a journal. Ah, is this farewell to Framework? Peut-ątre. Mais, c'est le vie!

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:25 PM

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:26 PM

Perhaps the feminine side of the spectrum is appropriate for the times that we are in.

The beauty of Framework is that it allows to you locate a window in a particular place--and get there in a key stroke.

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:30 PM

In many ways Framework is the best option if you are locked into a 640K memory across the network.

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:32 PM

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:53 PM

The real significance of Windows is that it allows for the "nested" approach to processing information.

September 16, 1990 Sunday 12:55 PM

"Mac" people lose their edge in having their way with their information in a way that wasn't available to "DOS" people till now. ((Now being at the speed of Windows 3.0))

September 18, 1990 Tuesday 1:35 PM

I'm having a hard time lately, too busy to have the feeling that I am doing what I want to do. Running to catch up, but unsure when that is or how that will be determined. I need to slow down, focus my attention, get serious about my objectives.

October 6, 1990 Saturday 11:25 AM

It's been a long time since I've felt like being here, writing in my journal. Too much of the doing and not enough of the not doing.

October 6, 1990 Saturday 11:49 AM

So many things going on it is tough to sort out my priorities: work, creative projects, relationships, health, exercise and learning. Life really does boil down to what you want to spend your money on.

Planning. What I haven't been doing is planning. Yet, I've felt the need to plan to get accomplished what I want to accomplish. Is that vain? To want to accomplish something?

Have I deserted my journal just when it makes the most sense to stay committed to it?

October 8, 1990 Monday 4:33 PM

So I really don't know what to do--what else is new?

There was a time when this journal used to be a way of reporting back instead of self reflection. I'd like to get it back to that.

October 8, 1990 Monday 4:41 PM

From all my efforts to study why it seems that the answer to why is that why doesn't matter. Only what you do next matters. That is your maximum impact--your actions.

October 18, 1990 Thursday 9:50 PM

You're always on the stand. You're always making your witness. For all that you do matters.

October 24, 1990 Wednesday 8:09 AM

It seems you either surrender to the flesh or do without it all together. Does that make any sense?

October 28, 1990 Sunday 11:16 PM

Something has come over me tonight. A new sense of self identity, a new sense of well being--a little like working at Copper, a sense of being where I belonged, doing what I was meant to do, only if I was willing to open my self up to it and embrace the doing.

I went for a run tonight, under a three-quarter moon, with temperatures in the sixties, and wispy clouds high above the southern edge of town and the flatirons. There was so much energy within me, I didn't know where it was coming from but I let it out, I listened to it and it felt good. Like my lungs could breathe, and I could propel my body through the world keen to all that I passed. Like the yellow comet tails of reflection of lights in the pond below the ridge upon which I was running, the slant to the asphalt beneath my feet, the wind making it past my hooded sweatshirt to cool my skin.

For some unknown reason a new dawn is rising in my consciousness, welling up from within that says all is possible, all that you are meant to be you will become, all that you need to be you already are.

My greatest weakness is letting my self walk around within the limitations of how others see me. They don't know. They have such a narrow peep-hole through which to peer, where I have dynamic blueprints for all that is yet to even become real readily at hand. Let go; let it flow.

October 28, 1990 Sunday 11:43 PM

Oh yea, it's really not this late. Last night we went off daylight savings time. The darkness comes early for a while.

Before I go some thoughts about how people use PC's:

They want to float on the weave of someone else. Not only in practice but in principal as well. They might learn but only if they had time. And they don't. So I put it together for them.

Pay to keep it simple. But force your investment to do more than create a dependency. At least watch how it gets fixed or put together in the first place.

Experiment! Force yourself to spend time playing around with something that interests you. It has to interest you and you have to invest the time or you will never learn.

Learn how to get the answer without opening the book, i.e. on-screen help or technical assistance.