The Hermit's Journal Excerpts (December 14, 1987 -- July 24, 1988)

December 14, 1987 2:28 PM

I need to be very careful with my relationships.

December 18, 1987 7:21 PM

Levels in awareness, to see it all unfold in your mind before it actually does. To neither seek to influence or retard what is so largely pre-determined.

Never a house with a white picket fence, never caring at the family level. Too much a part of my father's family to ever be a part of my own.

I think we fool ourselves.

December 19, 1987 9:15 AM

The presumption of a verdict, especially by a doctor is particularly annoying. To presume the diagnosis to be reality.

You can never out run the consequences, only dodge them. (Like a soldier running to escape the strafing fire of a fighter.)

You know, remembering to breathe makes so much sense. Thinking of what it is like to suddenly impact something. Remembering how to breathe takes a while. ((Almost like going into consciousness so deep that long periods of time can lapse, so long that the corporeal body might not survive.))

Why must we act so like whores in life?

Your spine is the wick of your life's candle. You want it to burn tall and straight, reaching down into the very core of your being. You control how brightly it burns. Tend to your wick.

I miss the presence of summer, I sit here and can see next season's leaves on the trees. (Wonder if I'll ever see them in person.)

December 19, 1987 9:55 AM

Every man tries to make a stand, it's just tough to do, let alone do well.

In the expansion of the West what you could fence in and keep fenced was what you were worth. Now it is that way with information. And oh the land is vast out here in electrons! And autonomy can control so much.

December 19, 1987 10:37 AM

What design elements transfer from Word to Pagemaker? And isn't this the question of style sheet compatibility?((((()))))(((((I love this.)))))

The power still comes to the autonomous enduser--with a vengeance!

December 19, 1987 11:34 AM

Life is struggling to reach out for life. Can we do less than support its struggle to survive.

December 13, 1987 10:03 AM

Jeez, by the time I do a datestamp without using a macro, I lose the thought I came to type. So why macros?

The funny thing about understanding in the new age is that it becomes personal necessity. You must visualize how it works, or it won't.

December 16, 1987 Wednesday

Would you rather make castles in sand or concrete?

December 20, 1987 1:31 PM Sunday

Why do I have this menagerie to the right of my typewriter?

Everyone is so certain of themselves, yet what can be brought into reality is far less than their imaginations.

...the joy of it, doing it for the joy of it.

It's funny how I get around to writing every morning.

The frontier of the mind.

Double "O"S (Out of sequence)

The inner dialogue can get so intense that it ceases to stand out, you fail to achieve a perspective.

December 29, 1987 11:19 AM

The seductions of the flesh are formidable. Great way to die! Really.

December 29, 1987 11:22 AM

I found my keys, hurray! I was so bummed that I had lost something that I needed so much, especially the mail key.

Men love to shoot their guns when they are hoping for a hit, different from men who hate to shoot their guns because they are accustomed to hitting their mark.

December 29, 1987 11:32 AM

I want to photograph a class in session, rising moon, legs in straps, good colors on the leotards, invitations.

December 29, 1987 11:56 AM

Can you figure out what's on TV? Then you can figure out what's on computers.

December 29, 1987 12:05 PM

I'm a sailor on the sea of consciousness.

December 29, 1987 11:09 PM

Good night!

December 30, 1987 7:40 AM

Good morning!

December 30, 1987 10:14 AM

When you do body work--be an electron! Spin. Consciousness is a revolution, a focal point, for whether by revolution or by design, the existence of rotation means the existence of a focal point. Some things spin better than others, obviously, but think about it and how it applies to you and your body. To be spun out is to have no potential energy.

December 31, 1987 10:23 AM

I just took Ishaik to the vet to be put to sleep.

December 31, 1987 10:26 AM

Breathing, motion, all circles, not vectors. Why don't exercise people develop this idea--this awareness? Maybe the view of motion and the body is hindered by how we view the rest of our lives. So many people wake up each morning and assume what they did yesterday just because it is easier than, humm, but isn't this how we survive,how we adapt? And without this capability we would be lost, so...living is like controlling a faucet--you can't shut it off, you can't open it all the way, you can't leave it in one place.

December 31, 1987 1:12 PM

Randolph Scott: "All right then, we'll do it the hard way."
"Is that standard engineering practice?"
"Will be, someday."

December 31, 1987 1:49 PM

Death seems to be a critical mass you reach, when toleration by the forces that sustain you tire of your drain.

December 31, 1987 3:28 PM

Paradigm shifts in awareness occur in waves, in each case the focus of the awareness builds up to a point where it can assemble the pieces into a new whole. Ideas, gods, not much difference.

December 31, 1987 6:48 PM

Distribution. Jesus! It all comes back to distribution.

December 31, 1987 6:54 PM

Answering machine etiquette: Leave your name and your number right up front, time and day is nice, and don't waste too much time waiting for someone to pick up.

December 31, 1987 7:03 PM

PC's are weapons, personal weapons like swords to samurai.

December 31, 1987 7:04 PM

What is it in the rearing of a child that makes that child miss the moment?

December 31, 1987 8:08 PM

How much you connect with the world around you is all a matter of personal choice, and your style is how you do it. Pressing the flesh is more than a handshake, it means a direct injection of your enthusiasm.

December 31, 1987 10:08 PM

Nobody likes cutting through knots, don't you try cutting through me.

December 31, 1987 10:09 PM

That's what pisses me off about intuition--it presumes to reach a conclusion. Choosing the template before you splash the paint.((((()))))

I am ready to stop doing business with my arms at my sides. Time to press a little more flesh.

January 1, 1988 10:56 AM

Good day and good year.

January 1, 1988 12:02 PM

I work to enhance operating systems. Systems like your body, systems like your computer.

January 2, 1988 8:50 AM

So much happens under the threat of violence.

Intent without subterfuge is naked.

January 2, 1988 8:59 AM

To three hole punch or not to three hole punch, that is the question.

January 2, 1988 11:27 AM

There will always be something going on around you that you are not aware of, the key is to keep in mind that this unknown element exists and influences your life.

January 3, 1988 9:54 AM

There is a delicate balance to being an autonomous information processor. You have to aim for autonomy in general and then round off the edges as you gain better control. Spreadsheets and word processors are only spokes in a large wheel. The generic pattern of information is "nested", so that a tree-structured directory is only a reflection of the way we think.

January 3, 1988 10:00 AM

(My system knows what time it is, and because my best picture of reality comes from how well I have my information act together, the time of the system is held as the source reference mark.)

January 3, 1988 10:08 AM

Directories are expanding spirals of information, so in that sense they are sequential, but the axis of rotation is barely a straight line. Time presses you out of a circular orbit and into a wake. (like behind a boat)

January 3, 1988 10:20 AM

Big business will pay big bucks for the hardware to make it easy for the wizards to get them the finished product.

It is more like therapy, training the sorcerer's apprentice, in attitude, in technique, in tenacity.

In saving.....Jesus, sometimes there is still that glimmer of joy.

And teaching people how to move around the screen. How to drive!

January 5, 1988 11:00 AM

The hardest thing to do during a stretch is to pay attention to it. It happens so slow. You have to listen to your body letting go, you have to adjust little bit at a time constantly giving the muscles involved time to let go.

January 5, 1988 11:29 AM

Everyone's a player, each in their own way, each in their own game.

Romance is such a silly game, spontaneous--must be spontaneous, that's why it seldom lasts, and the players have to be coming from a special place, a romantic frame of mind if you will.

January 5, 1988 11:38 AM

The bottleneck in desktop publishing is not the equipment--hardware or software, it is the user. The person that wants it to happen doesn't know how. And he has an even harder time trying to hire it done.

January 5, 1988 11:41 AM

The sound of broken glass, how do you react followed by a child's cry.

Where is the risk in life? Hanging from ledges? Yes. Trouble is, best ledges I've ever hung from, the ones that really make my heart pound, usually have two legs and long hair.

January 5, 1988 1:50 PM

Don't we all play in our minds? Seeing things so much the way we choose to see them? The only reality is what we are forced to accept. Ultimately, life is the greatest challenge and death what we are forced to accept when we exceed the limits of life.

Funny, I'm too busy creating to make money teaching. Mozart was a lucky devil--to be gifted in music is more than a gift, it is a blessing.

January 5, 1988 2:08 PM

Living, being here now, worrying, playing god.

January 5, 1988 2:11 PM

"And who's to say, who he really was", each person that called him friend was obviously deeply moved by him, and he was so certain that what was at his core of being was the same as everyone else. Maybe that is why he connected so well with so many.

Still, he would have been the first to admit that each person is pressed through life in a unique way, and that his calling has more to do with the wake than with vision.

January 5, 1988 2:54 PM

The vulnerability of the media, is that it is only a reflection. (((((What about a friendly being that comes and inhabits the electrons of the earth, so that a wise Big Brother is always there to comment on TV, on your computer screen, over your radio. And the story is what we do, as humans, to rid ourselves of this beneficial being and why we do it that makes us what we consider uniquely human.)))))

January 5, 1988 3:03 PM

If the enduser is really the bottleneck what will improve the enduser the fastest? Build a fire of interest to demonstrate their capability.

January 5, 1988 8:27 PM

You know being afraid of computers is a lot like holding on to one of your favorite anxieties, afraid of giving it up for fear of having nothing left to fear.

January 6, 1988 8:28 AM

Good morning. Time to go into dBase, add some names and do some printing.

January 7, 1988 9:05 AM

Jesus lives, in all of us whenever we tolerate a fool.

Lamb of god, who takes away the sins of the world, receive my prayer. Hummm, community acknowledgment of a reality (god) that extends beyond our own being--in affirming that--we then fall away from our responsibilities and collectively hide in our community affirmations of god.

Friday July 30th

"Train your physique to suit your needs."

January 9, 1988 9:37 AM

What I write are written feeds like satellites carry video feeds. My stuff gets put together down the line by someone that want's to take pieces and substantiate his argument or make his story. See?

January 9, 1988 10:26 AM

When I get that first flash of insight on how to do something, I don't get anxious because I know it will percolate up from my sub-conscious into my conscious.

January 11, 1988 4:22 PM

More projection and less introspection. Is there a difference? Wasn't I good last night? Didn't I pull the situation of the fire and put it out? ((Didn't I learn a lot about myself!))

Be centered. Choose to come from a center. Emanate energy.

Living with such massive internal contradictions, the more I try to refine them the more they are contrasted. But there are good things to life, the more you develop the good sides of your life the more it pulls you out of the bad.

January 12, 1988 4:11 PM

Fundamentals, so hard to go that slow. But what else is there to do? Maybe it's all day classes. One exposure good bye.

January 13, 1988 11:20 AM

I'm lost, falling into the void back first, like falling through the air.

January 13, 1988 11:31 AM

Your body is an expression of how you think. mjm

January 13, 1988 11:38 AM

By choosing how you exercise your body you mold how you think.

(((((Long waves))))) (((((and sweeping the exercise floor before a workout)))))

January 14, 1988 11:39 AM

I'm lousy at living life, on every score. Except teaching--maybe, and reliably showing up.

January 15, 1988 11:40 AM

I don't know. I've been converting my journal to electrons (issue 6), and most of it seems like tripe. But then I forget that all I'm doing it converting it, not judging what is going to be in issue six. Re-entry is such a bore.

January 15, 1988 11:49 AM

I'm too much of a dreamer and not enough of a simple man.

January 15, 1988 12:15 PM

We fool our selves into thinking we have control of the area around us. Whether it is Chisim's ranch, or our dirty laundry.

January 17, 1988 12:33 PM

Reality is what you care about. No more, no less.

January 19, 1988 9:18 AM

Living on a bridge between two ages--industrial and information. The categories are such crude labels for such significant changes in human perception, human awareness. We shape our selves in the future we sense. What must it have been like for the buffalo hunter supplying meat for the train gangs to see the ceaseless arm of the locomotive? Paradigm shifts in the making. You choose to live on one bank or the other...or you live on the bridge and make the most of the traffic.

January 19, 1988 9:34 AM

I publish notes on how to enhance operating systems like your body and your personal computer.

January 19, 1988 10:39 AM

Wow! Drudging away, converting 6 into electrons and blowe! My future rockets off in front of me!(Three happy faces)

January 19, 1988 12:34 PM

There is only one way to address the world--that is in a stretching manner. Stretching is extending beyond your limitations. Mentally, physically, they come together as the way you stretch your life.

January 19, 1988 12:39 PM

Using Framework is like using your right hand. It is what comes naturally, the hand that you are best at. What you use to accomplish the most, with the least. CONTROL-ENTER

January 20, 1988 8:16 AM

"Post esoteric syndrome" what a phrase from earlier in my journal. I'm coming to appreciate it more.

Awareness, the mingling of listening and responding. When you stretch, you embrace a conversation between your body and whatever it is that "you" are. You choose to put your body in a position where the body must respond--fight, flee, or adapt. (Resist the stretch, retreat from the stretch, or release to the stretch.)

January 21, 1988 8:30 AM

Trouble is, you spread your self too thin. (To control the commitment?) Probably. But more to the point--Ashton-Tate and training for them. This could be serious exposure. Wonder if I'll get the chance? Oh well, acceptance in your own time is rare.

January 25, 1988 9:51 AM

Consciousness is timeless, it always exists. Life is a sequence, governed by the ultimate sequence--time.

January 25, 1988 9:52 AM

Purity of form is often determined by fluidity of sequence.

January 26, 1988 7:54 PM

No exit no way out. Always more of the same. We occupy ourselves with such inane things, superfluous worries, "worry waste" my sister calls it.

There is a relationship that developed within so long ago, while walking the tracks, like a ghost, always in the background, never visible.

January 27, 1988 1:24 PM

Life is a magical thing, we get so dragged down into detail, we miss the magic.

((((Maybe a man is someone who acts out the synthesis of what he tries to live up to.)))))

(I feel so pressed into avoiding the asteroids. Am I doing this to my self? Why? Is it time to merge the rage of having my face pinned to the bathroom floor with my desire to make it happen in distributing what I write.

I guess that's the case lately. I've been putting off my journal holding fiction out as my aim. But it is not. At least not now. Think of it Michael, issues one through nine. Who's to judge and who is to provide what is to be judged?

January 30, 1988 9:57 AM

(((((God talks to me ... so often, .. it drains me so. )))))

January 30, 1988 9:58 AM

So what do I do? Where shall I find peace?

February 1, 1988 9:23 PM

February 1, 1988 9:24 PM

"Sequence is everything!" He nearly yelled it, but his voice was controlled, and his eyes were steady, listening to himself to be sure what he said next was as closely listened as his first statement.

"You are locked into the ultimate sequence of life--time. How you fare depends upon how you handle the sequence, how well you understand the sequence."

Points of view, how do I develop points of view? How do I develop fiction that will get my meanings across?

Develop conflict, opposing views, short waves versus long waves.

February 1, 1988 9:24 PM

"Life is no sequence", came from the back of the room in a low feminine voice devoid of emotion, said more to one's self than meant to be heard out loud. But with the silence broken and having captured the attention of the class with such a direct contradiction the force of the statement seemed to gather momentum and the young woman with emptiness behind her eyes continued..."life is moment to moment, unrelated, unattached, without meaning."

She had been speaking to herself really, unaware that she had been overheard. The quiet that ensued broke the spell that she had been in and looking up, blushed from the realization that she had spoken out loud.

Everyone looked back to the teacher, waiting for the conflict. He just stood there, hands in his pockets, staring down where the sunlight streamed in, illuminating the stained wooden floor. Slowly he pulled out a stick match from his pocket and held it up so all could see. Then going to the window sill, drew the match across it and watched the flame, as did all the others. With the flick of a finger the flame went out and the stream of smoke trailed off in the sunlight.

"Three pages on what just happened, due tomorrow. Class dismissed." and with that the teacher waved the smoke like erasing the black board and then stared out the window as though the class room was already empty.

February 4, 1988 7:03 PM

You don't want to force the sequence, but you do have to have some installed.

He lived on the peaks and in the valleys of life, never on the plains. As though he couldn't stay connected unless he pressed the envelope.

Prayers before meals, the beginning of sequences.

He started to think of himself as Santa Claus, coming at night and never to be seen in the morning.

February 5, 1988 8:40 AM

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I learned what it is like to be full in a learning situation where I am the student. I empathize now with others more on that feeling of being urged to learn more when you've already reached your limit.

I publish it--my self writes it. mjm February 5, 1988 8:50 AM

Like my log screen, three lines high, I rarely have to re-size to get more of the idea.

February 5, 1988 9:01 AM

My, my ... isn't this something, even this late in the log, that I still can stumble across a joyous comment or two?

February 5, 1988 11:28 AM

Two impossible situations...rubbing up against each other.

(Earlier today, "I use the same device in my office, only not the same keyword." Perry Mason)

February 6, 1988 10:34 AM

Hum, something I wasn't counting on. When you go on site helping some one fill another's shoes, this can never be done. What must happen is the new guy on the block must be able to duplicate past levels of magic, but the how doesn't matter.

The issue is indirect formatting. Like coming to understand the concept of nested directories, indirect formatting is also a paradigm shift in understanding.

February 6, 1988 10:59 AM

Women, shit! All they do is sit back and say I really don't want to deal with the numbers part of it but I'll do my best to influence on all other grounds, just don't force me to pay attention to the detail.

February 7, 1988 3:19 PM

So much passion is lost from the effort to the result.

February 8, 1988 8:25 AM

Points of view are usually easiest to see when they are narrowly defined.

February 8, 1988 9:47 AM

(((((Don't you see? In here, you can say anything.)))))

February 8, 1988 3:57 PM

The reason people don't know how to use a PC is because they don't know what PCs do. They organize information. And people don't even know how to organize information in paper and ink, let alone in electrons. So to teach people how to organize information in electrons, first teach them out to do it in paper and ink. Do not assume the lesson to be learned and end up just teaching the example. The lesson is how to organize information, the example is doing it using a PC.

February 8, 1988 4:08 PM

Something that tape does not cover--the simultaneous construction of a reflection. C'est dommage.

You pay for training, you trust anyone with your most valuable resource--your people. The training they need is tough to find, people rarely agree on the issues let alone on implementation.

February 8, 1988 4:30 PM

I forget. I forget where I've been in the search for truth. How far I have to go to find any, how disillusioning the truth can be when you find it.

See, I keep forgetting that the only way out of the bag for me was to come here and bare my soul. The effort to capture significant strings of text, just the way you hear them, that's the magic that engulfs me. BOULDER! The story is about Boulder, and its eclectic community. Different points of view leading to the resolution that I choose. (An insider's attitude, part of the consciousness conspiracy.)

February 9, 1988 5:45 PM

She had a bemused smile on her face, as though she were watching the performance of her favorite comedian, following closely, knowing the laughter only moments away.

(((((We vote not for the man so much as the issues we believe the man will carry into the will of America.)))))

She was tall, easily six feet, and leaning against the far corner of the elevator smiling before he even laid his eyes on her face. Framed in brunette trusses, that smile, where was it coming from? And that long dark cape-like coat, was she really as thin as she seemed? ("Can you feel this?") He could do nothing but smile back, all too aware of the energy field pulsing out of control.

"There can be a big advantage in having no one know where you are."

February 9, 1988 11:56 PM

Points of view, that's where it's at, who has what point of view and what happens when opposites rub up against one another?

February 10, 1988 9:33 AM

I lose sight of my objective, I forget that I had an objective, until it comes to me, oh yea, I remember, do this and make money.

I'm overlooking what I have to contribute to the body work.

February 11, 1988 7:38 AM

His only hope was that she was unaware of her power. If her ability to be the tool she assembled matches the stuff it took to put it together, there is definitely going to be trouble ahead.

People are usually with their mates because of what goes on behind closed doors--so don't be too quick to judge who is meant for whom based on looks.

February 11, 1988 6:36 PM

Nobody said it was easy.

Each of us participates in our own sense of family.

February 12, 1988 12:34 AM

The nakedness of being. How do we bear the burden of being "almost" perfect?

February 13, 1988 11:26 AM

You process information to get it organized.

"I won't share your romance with anyone else! Just me or never me. (Juste moi, ou jamais moi)" Pouting now, with mind set and results nowhere in sight.

Your attitude towards learning controls what you get out on paper. And what you get out on paper is the only difference to the new power. You still have to think, you still have to fight, you still face ultimate failure.

(((((Funny how there is a keyboard or edit-ion in my lap.)))))

He lived a life of disillusionment, so aware of his vulnerability

February 17, 1988 7:02 AM

(((((It's too chaotic, I'm not finding enough space to write. I'm putting out too much energy that is reflecting back and distracting me. You need to focus, you need to be calm, centered, and spiraling out into the economic future.)))))

February 17, 1988 7:08 PM

(((((You asked for it, you got it, electrons!)))))

February 19, 1988 9:27 AM

It is all so cute, how they are all progressing on the curve, evolving, naturally, openly. It gives me pause to wonder if I'm not way out of line by promoting rapid growth, let it happen naturally. But isn't that what I want for my self and others like me?

There is really very little difference between body work and PC work, they both revolve around sequences. Developing ability requires that you become familiar with the sequences so that they can be done without thinking about them. The evolution of aerobics is clear--back to the fundamentals, into the pursuit of ideal form. The mind trains the body, that's true, but the function of the body is to more purely make real the god within, to live more god like, to do that, the body needs the mind to participate in developing the quality of the body, the organic operating system. So it seems to follow that the quality of how well you think affects the quality of the body. As the "information organizers" (mjm) of the universe, the ultimate tool is your body.

February 19, 1988 10:23 AM

((I watch TV like Bodies in Motion and Have Gun Will Travel because of the timing, they are arbitrarily chosen focal points in the sequence of my routine.))

"He was a man who never smiled unless he felt it."

February 19, 1988 11:49 AM

Weights can help you focus your attention,
but you never want the weights
to be the object of your attention. mjm

February 22, 1988 9:59 AM

I get so far away from pursuing what I love to do--be here and freeze the stream.

February 22, 1988 10:01 AM

Body work is in evolution just like all of life. Recognize the major trend then try to incorporate the major principals into all of your motion.

February 22, 1988 10:10 AM

People always try to turn you away from your conversation with your self. I see the need to stay connected to the outside world and listen to it, but what a power game--to pretend that any voice other than the one that comes from within can be more important. I know, I know all about the exception, the aberration, the unhealthy scenery of those who only listen to their inner voice. But to be healthy you must listen to and develop the god within.

February 22, 1988 6:58 PM

To record your journey, as you go, faint trailings, lost in the mists of time.

February 22, 1988 8:08 PM

Hong Kong is going to be the place to be, if you've got what the power wants when the Chinese take over as landlords.

February 22, 1988 9:10 PM

"The Nobel House has always survived by holding greater honor than it's enemies." Ian Dunross

February 22, 1988 9:32 PM

I don't write enough.

February 29, 1988 9:59 AM

Body work is going pure. Form in motion, attention to detail, connecting to your body--internally.

February 29, 1988 10:03 AM

I don't have time to explain it over and over. At least not enough time. Body work is living, not something you do in order to live. Find pleasure in your body work, somewhere, somehow, it's there.

There is nothing in motion more beautiful than the human body. But that is for observing. Experiencing is what counts, living from the inside out. Life, god, wants out into expression. How you act is how it comes out. Funny isn't it, that life expresses its self across such a broad spectrum, with interdependencies that often involve conflict?

I really don't understand my feelings about life, perhaps because I've become so isolated.

Gil is good because he is so involved with his work, and it shows, and his effort has grown and developed. His body work has become more pure.

February 29, 1988 10:15 AM

Emptiness, why am I feeling this?

February 29, 1988 10:41 AM

Sequence! Bodywork demands sequence. Why? Because body work is a subset of the sequence of time.

March 2, 1988 9:09 PM

The incredible lightness of being. Quite a movie.

He loved many but the object of his desire came from within. And in the end he has lost all of his loves, and knew it all along.

From italic to normal, fiction to journal, what's the difference? You either hear me or you don't. What matters is the dream that you fuel in your head, for that is the fire that comes out the furnace of your body.

March 2, 1988 10:32 PM

Send AT people new money and say: Some things you just can't print your self.

Ah money, what does it really mean?

March 3, 1988 6:58 PM

The Hermit lives in here, in electrons--that part in all of us that lives within the same dream.

And that is what enlightened men talk about when they say that they and their father are one. Nirvana is where its at. Transcending time. Who you are has so little to do with the part of you that is attached to time.

I want to write fiction, the Hermit in me could give a shit.

March 4, 1988 2:28 PM

It is so disorienting when you are the only one around that understands the magic.

By identifying the specifics you can group them together. So we climb to the root directory (in awareness)--working from the root down is only an after thought to further organize the detail on the way back up.

March 5, 1988 9:08 AM

Always there is the press from the outside, hard to maintain any breathing room. (((((maybe there never is any breathing room)))))

March 5, 1988 9:45 AM

If outlines are what come out of the mill, why not just send that?

March 5, 1988 12:29 PM

All these clients, they want to know how much for how long. So reduce it to that.

Framework is the environment of preference because it so closely mimics the human's. It easily nests information. The desktop image remains a clear image to work from, in either paper and ink or electrons.

March 5, 1988 12:52 PM

You need another person to rub up against to slow you down, to help you modulate your inner clock.

March 6, 1988 8:42 AM

Sunday morning, Little Big Man on TV, and I feel relaxed, like you expect a Sunday morning to feel. Something about watching westerns on Sunday morning.

When you go to use a PC you usually have something you need to organize and get out on paper. So far, Framework is the ultimate organizational tool in electrons. It structures the hierarchy of ideas, a hierarchy that translates into different formatting tags.

(((((It's tough to remember that I structured all this so that I could do what I most enjoy. Sit here and watch the fingers do their thing.)))))

Meaning is always nested because life is always nested. As above so below, as out there so too in here.

March 7, 1988 2:45 PM

There really are only a handful of people who have a unified vision in their heads of how electrons work. And then even less that can express it to others.

March 8, 1988 9:46 AM

Bodywork currently ignores the expanding spiral of energy that comes from the center. It is the development of control over the expansion and contraction of that spiral, just like a muscle shaped like a nautilus shell.

March 8, 1988 9:48 AM

Some key strokes are unified across packages. Enter is almost always the "Do it!" key, if not that then the F10 key. Escape ESC almost always takes you backwards. Arrow keys are the same, and Control-Direction keys, are the same CRTL-Home is beginning of file, CTRL-END, the end of file etc.

March 9, 1988 7:15 AM

A waning moon is about to set in the proximity of Devil's Thumb, as though the moon were a thumb print of approval on the new day.

March 9, 1988 7:22 AM

(((((I can't help it if I feel everything inside five parens. I just do. And try to survive it.)))))

Have you no children? Who are your children? (Aren't you just kidding your self?) ((And in the questioning begins the assumption of mentality. Is it that mentally is communistic because communism is a mental conception of life, to adopt communism is to adopt mentality, and to come from a place where mentality rules is insane. Why? Because the mind is only one of the tools we use to survive, we use our eyes our ears our hearts, we use how we feel, and how we feel is everything, while what we think is only a part.

(((((pressing back the envelope, pressing back the end of file marker)))))

March 10, 1988 8:34 AM

This stuff called "life", what curious stuff it is.

March 10, 1988 11:14 AM

The snow falling is in huge flakes. A slight wind and I just got the notion of going for a walk in it.

Nobody talks about spinal integrity, nobody talks about why you work out, is it so obvious? The spinal column is the data bus of the organism, focus on the network, that controls the function. Sure thinking is important, but not if you cannot implement action.

March 19, 1988 9:30 PM

Finally, to be back

March 22, 1988 8:46 AM

Back at last!

March 19, 1988 9:30 PM

Sequence! And spaced repetition. The regular assertion of a paradigm.

The tapes that are out, spaced repetition, SPIRALS! Successive passes at the same subject, implies rotation around an axis. I think you want incoming support calls to go to tape.

Several advantages:
Forces the caller to focus the question.
Gives you time to formulate a response.
Then go live.

I don't work well for others, so pay me lots up front, and let me alone when I get tired of it.

What was so hard? ?? ??? Not getting it to work.

March 19, 1988 9:44 PM

What memories we have made, hah, what memories, stretches that affect you forever.

March 19, 1988 9:58 PM

(((((What about an envelope buffer that remembered whatever you retreated from so that on a key stroke you could "right arrow" to get what came after that which you backed up to correct?)))))

March 22, 1988 8:49 AM

I write what I want.
I teach what you want.

When you lead an exercise class, you lead with your body, and in some cases your mind. Well both, always, still it can be more one than the other.

March 23, 1988 8:51 AM

You can't rely on others for your information processing. In the age of personal computing if you can't do it when everyone else can, how would you like to be unable to use the telephone?

March 23, 1988 9:02 AM

To make your software a user install product it has to match the expectation of the broadest user base. Files, the command files: SETUP, and INSTALL. (Personally, I would use Ashton-Tate as the example--because they offer the best environment in electrons. Why? Because it has a unified command structure. ((What you learn today you can add to tomorrow, instead of learning a different program ever few years.))

March 24, 1988 10:37 AM

Here, here at last. Seems to take forever with the other stuff until I come here and talk.

"There is no vote. It happens now." U2

March 25, 1988 3:21 PM

Life is so rich, the lightness of being is really unbearable. Saying no. No reason why, just saying no. Well, having a reason to say no, and saying it.

March 26, 1988 9:59 AM

There is no room for weakness or indiscretion, doubt or fear. Your awareness leaves you in the middle of it all. The twist to the key is to allow your awareness to flow through you.

March 26, 1988 10:05 AM

What is it, why is it, I keep coming back to these keys? It is a burning desire to make a creative contribution to the enjoyment of life. To participate in life. To live more humanly.

March 27, 1988 9:01 AM

I'm lost now. It doesn't even seem that here in the keys helps. Getting lost in the moment doesn't last either. Your life creates a history, a splash of paint on the canvas.

No one knows what I'm talking about? Is that any surprise? How many have used the same ingredients of interest to synthesis a view of the world?

Life is a wild weed, taking over everything.

I want the dependable parts and the nutritional parts.

The form that one takes through life is your expression through that life.

March 27, 1988 9:43 AM

I haven't had much room for ego lately. It just hasn't been there.

March 27, 1988 11:13 AM

The goal of training is always the same, develop power in the user. For that, he needs not just to be trained in how to do the task, but know how and feel good about getting through road blocks on his own is what counts.

Objective? Organize data. Choose structure, an alphabet, then groupings--files, subdirectories, diskettes, disks, and tapes.

Then desktop, unified command structure in an open environment, keystroke files, batch files.

March 27, 1988 10:39 PM

An empty log screen, an empty mind, an empty heart. Just what is it that I'm after? What have I got to reach with?

How you have it put together, the areas that overlap are so small, and I am so scared.

March 29, 1988 9:12 AM

Now what? The wagons are circled, the cement wants to stiffen.

March 29, 1988 10:14 AM

Talking about the situation rather than being part of it.

March 29, 1988 10:55 AM

To stay motivated and on course, very very difficult indeed.

May 11, 1988 2:35 AM

I want to say it all, leave nothing unsaid, did Shakespeare feel the same way? Yes. Don't we all? Yes. So nothing makes me different (I'm so relieved) and this is my contribution to life.

May 11, 1988 2:38 AM

The hermit invited death, long since isolated on his mountain peak of experience, long since lived up to more than was expected of him. But he went on, in spite of the exhaustion. How so? I'm so glad you asked....

May 11, 1988 2:48 AM

Is there anything else? (((((No))))) So why not give it the way it comes out? Too honest? Too? Enough? Is there ever? (((((The problem with poetry like this (this) is that you need to challenge the reader to read between the lines. If he, or she doesn't, tough shit.)))))

May 11, 1988 2:52 AM

Timing, synchronization, working within other people's timing patterns.

May 11, 1988 2:56 AM

The hermit once said, "There is no company for feeling alone, only outlet." (((((And why do the keys we press have to match what appears on the screen? Because without confirmation of intent, we are reduced to guessing--almost)))))(((((It's the almost that spurs on the effort.)))))

Stretching. Stretching is going beyond what you are now into what you can become.

April 8, 1988 12:49 AM

Precious is the moment when one reflects on what one has just experienced.

April 8, 1988 12:53 AM

And then the dissatisfaction with the way you are playing the game sets in and you really go down, or was that the effect of ingesting pop?

April 8, 1988 12:54 AM

Kiai the arrow to the target. (((((All of what matters is in this statement.)))))

April 2, 1988 4:53 PM

The dream of motion, the dream of participation.

That you never forget that you stand alone.

"Could we not talk, I want to enjoy the day?"

April 2, 1988 7:53 PM

Sequence, when taking video, you shoot to capture a moment in time, and rarely does that moment last long.

"By the force of will, my lungs are filled." from Deloris 8:17 PM

April 3, 1988 11:58 AM

Writing is suffering. Actually, more a salve for suffering. An effort to heal the wound that has caused the suffering.

April 3, 1988 12:15 PM

The plight of life, remaining in the root directory, a conduit of will.

April 3, 1988 1:22 PM

I call my car the chariot because that is the chosen imagery for transportation--standing up, drawn by horses.

A man must act with direction and purpose. A straight spine, "someone who leaves others to change the world."

I find it pretty amusing that I do T.H.I.S. (go through with this) in order to get what I want in the temporal plane, not out of altruistic motivation.

April 3, 1988 2:14 PM

When do you use technology as a strategic weapon in your business strategy? It can only be to the extent of what you have, and how you use it, is better than others after the same business.

The chief limitation of using information technology is usually one of interest.

April 3, 1988 7:56 PM

I hurt. I hurt bad. And I have no where to come but here. No out left.

April 4, 1988 7:35 PM

((((()))))

In electrons, if it is not easy--why bother? Learn how to make it easier.

April 8, 1988 12:57 AM

A skip in the sequence.

April 8, 1988 12:58 AM

Where do you confess your efforts that fail? The confessional, of course, if you use one, but what if you don't, what then? This is what I struggle with, when everything comes so easy how do you judge how hard you are trying? Money in the bank?

Depends on the target, doesn't it?

April 8, 1988 1:00 AM

There is a big part of god that wants through my body, maybe that's true of everyone, I have no way of knowing.

April 8, 1988 1:01 AM

Chess--much of an exercise, too much of a kata, too much of real life.

April 8, 1988 1:03 AM

Writing is like controlling a valve on a pipeline, when you first hook it up you open the valve as wide as possible to flush it out. (Develop the ability.) Then after a while you get more willful controlling the valve.

April 8, 1988 1:10 AM

Question: Is this relationship I have with my journal--healthy?

April 9, 1988 7:01 AM

An idea is a possibility. Wanting the idea to become a reality is will. Funny how the idea that you hold in your head becomes a reality. Pure will pressing through life. The secret is to stay in one piece as it propels you through life.

April 9, 1988 7:06 AM

April 9, 1988 8:06 AM

There that's better.

April 10, 1988 8:24 AM

The Catholic Church as an operating system.

April 11, 1988 11:05 PM

Happiness comes from not having to worry about an uncertain future.

April 14, 1988 4:52 PM

I guess it is not obvious just how fragile life really is. How much your decisions count. How much your actions can affect your future. Mind boggling.

(((((Blind to the obvious in the presence of preoccupation.)))))

April 15, 1988 7:38 PM

(((((So much happens.)))))

April 15, 1988 7:38 PM

Tax day. Haven't even thought about it.

April 15, 1988 7:40 PM

ALT-T and it's gone.

April 15, 1988 7:50 PM

The mistake is to put yourself in the picture, it fools you in your picture of reality. What we are really trying to do is capture a snapshot of what exists out there--beyond what we agree upon.

April 15, 1988 8:04 PM

Welcome to partner stretching. When you stretch normally you either use your body's own effort to stretch your muscles or you release to gravity.

Stretch--to reach out.

April 17, 1988 8:58 AM

"Move the skeleton", that was Bruce King's message. And what he said about gravity. "Let us know which foot we have on the ground." Least stress on the organism when gravity can go through it most directly.

April 17, 1988 9:26 AM

Exercising is a way of making the connection from who you will to be and who you become.

When you remember to breathe you connect the mind to the body. What else did Bruce say? The union of the moment. The paying attention. And walking with extension. Life exists within dynamic forces. Gravity, spin.

April 17, 1988 10:55 AM

This video is an expression of love, love for life, love for the body, love for the connection that one has of making with the other. Partner stretching connects you with your self by connecting you with something beyond your self. By participating in a sequence you reduce stress. Stress is the issue! You don't thrive on stress, you are reduced by it. The problem with engaging stress-reducing efforts is that it soon takes you into taking life more seriously than you are prepared for.

April 17, 1988 12:33 PM

Will is the pursuit of an idea, motion is the wake.

April 19, 1988 10:28 AM

Spinal integrity in an expanding spiral of energy.

April 20, 1988 4:01 PM

Well fool, make your move!

April 20, 1988 4:53 PM

The feeling of ink on the page that came from a laser. An esthetic experience.

April 22, 1988 10:54 PM

The wall went up as she sat there, staring into the screen. She didn't know what to do next, so she began to cry, silently at first and then her breathing started to stutter until finally she was sobbing in her hands. So many times before the tears had threatened and been beaten back with anger. This time there was no anger left so the tears streamed through carefully prepared make-up into the hands of another victim of the information age.

April 21, 1988 9:07 PM

Such a place of wonder, such a place of delight! Life.

April 21, 1988 9:29 PM

So much goes into our little vignettes of life, and we are so shocked when "things" can't happen just the way we want.

April 21, 1988 9:51 PM

So much to do, so little time, can you blame me for wanting to get as much on paper and ink as I can?

April 21, 1988 10:20 PM

I'll tell you what matters about training--personal power over what comes out on paper.

April 22, 1988 11:30 PM

New RAM, in the den, organized but still not the living room, and the color TV.

April 22, 1988 11:31 PM

I came here to say that if you deny your self nothing there is no future, just vacant memories about what happened.

April 23, 1988 12:31 PM

It takes a long time to get into a long wave.

April 25, 1988 9:13 AM

So much to do, so little to do it with, except the body that I am destroying. Dumb, so dumb.

April 25, 1988 9:16 AM

A skipping stone across the water,
Well placed rocks across the stream,
The flow of hot wax around a burning wick.
Focuses on Transformational Awareness

April 25, 1988 9:30 PM

And the laserjet rolls over to remind me that it's there.

April 25, 1988 11:17 PM

You can't write with a mouse, all you can do is point and push. That's why typing is still a sophisticated skill.

When you lead you subject your decisions to second guesses. Fine, let them decide. Those who have never risen above the mist must surely lead the way.

...so fascinated with what's been said rather than risking saying something of your own...

April 28, 1988 9:14 AM

Autonomous computing strives to work easily in any environment. Doing it well is mostly a matter of determining what it is that you are trying to do. And that, my friend, is organize information. And organize means to group by similarity.

April 29, 1988 8:28 AM

Keep shoulders perpendicular to the floor. Try to be lengthening the spine. Stretch your spine, make it longer. When you reach with your arms reach out to make them as long as possible.

When bringing your arms toward you give a stretch; when letting your arms go away from you give in to a stretch.

Always go gradually. Never feel pain or fear. Quality stretching is a release, not a forced contortion. Let the weight of your body be the stretch.

Try to unwind your spine, getting your bottom closer to sitting on the floor. You can extend your partners stretch by gently pulling on your partner's arms.

With legs apart press through the heels and work at reaching out from the lower back. Listen to your body. Feel it let go. Never rush it, the more time you take--the better. CLOSE UP the little extensions on the legs apart laybacks. Use your hands for support. Always gradually go in and come out, like one drawn out circle, or a large heavy stone water wheel in motion, going into the stretch on the rise, coming out of the stretch on the decent. Our approach is each position three times, a stretch for the extreme and a stretch for the form. In standing lay backs be sure to support your partners back. And here, at the bridge, lean into your partner and try to get as much of your spines together. Stretching is going beyond your normal limits, resulting in broader limits. Always release to a stretch and try to control the form while it's happening.

May 1, 1988 11:08 AM

Happy May! What a great month.

May 3, 1988 10:26 PM

(((((Always the pressure of who you are and where you're going.)))))

May 6, 1988 3:36 PM

In reading the daily paper for the first time in a while, I was struck with the levels of formatting. The tags, in giving a level of information, associate a degree of meaning. Strikingly similar to my use of parens in my journal to indicate depths of connection.

May 6, 1988 3:57 PM

Dealing with levels of interpretation, and assigning levels of significance to raw text that you read.

May 8, 1988 9:27 AM

The reason weddings are interesting is who shows up.

May 8, 1988 9:30 AM

Body moves, knowing how to expand your chest out from your spine.

May 10, 1988 11:00 AM

SIDE OVERS: Keep shoulders laid back, chest expanded, reach out as you lightly press your palms to those of your partner. Imagine a glass wall between you and you're trying to outreach your partner. Keep your top shoulder back and look up to the ceiling (or the sky). Feel this in your waist, reach more out from the center of your body. Feel your self making the effort to maintain your balance. Where does your balance come from? Control your balance by focusing the spiral of energy that expands out from the center of your body. (this is not for side overs as much) Reach for the stars, in a long smooth arcing motion. Breathe in as you lift, exhale as you extend out and over. Shoulders stay down not hunched up by the ears. See your body as a willow tree in a mild breeze.

May 10, 1988 2:02 PM

Get out of the way, I want at the keyboard.

Why? To make the connection, so say something. Why? For the joy of saying it. (((((Ah, but is that enough?))))) Doesn't anyone have to understand it? Naw, not really.

May 11, 1988 2:08 AM

How to keep a log in electrons, something you'll probably never use, but something you should know how to do.

May 11, 1988 2:12 AM

And how do you know when you are acting out of place, the feedback I guess.

Listening, that's why listening is so important.

May 11, 1988 2:15 AM

I want to write it all. In one sitting, put it all down so I can go home and hang up my gun. Is that possible? Is there life after self disclosure?

May 11, 1988 2:22 AM

The desire to live, the desire to be more alive, more a live. Get it? We all want it? In what we read, in what we experience, growth, control, power.

Martial Arts Mind. Says it all, doesn't it?

So.......the hermit used to get really discouraged. People's minds needed to crawl before they could run. Laying the necessary foundation was appropriate but not satisfying. What was really satisfying, was pulling the cord on a light bulb. For that to happen someone needed a bulb and a cord to be pulled.

The role of the teacher is to find the cord and pull it. That is what makes the teacher the teacher and the student the student.

Many people prefer darkness, to the point that they will kill you before they are willing to be disturbed.

May 11, 1988 2:31 AM

The hermit never hung around long enough to polish the wax. All he did was show the right strokes to make the most of the effort.

May 11, 1988 2:33 AM

There is no time but here. No connection but here.

May 11, 1988 3:08 AM

Beyond living the connection with electrons, you must live it while you are so much less connected.

May 14, 1988 10:28 AM

The reason I don't get the paper is because of the mess it makes lying around the house.

May 14, 1988 10:33 AM

I want to make this video. It is very important for me to make this video.

May 15, 1988 7:19 PM

I don't spend enough time here lately. Too much stuff going on, not "living room" access to my journal, but on the whole--everything's copacetic.

May 16, 1988 9:06 AM

The sequence of time is the one most difficult to control. If you can control your timing you can control your money, control your money, you control one of the more difficult aspects of life. The suit of swords in the Tarot. I think people are afraid of exposure to how much they don't know. They prefer not to draw the curtain. (((((Humm, and is that why it is a curtain? Because it is something that you can go up to and pull aside?)))))

May 18, 1988 9:19 PM

I take for granted the time and date stamp. So easy to underestimate the foundations you have built. Makes me smile. Smile to think that things can work out so well when Tim and I go out for drinks. The fish, the talk, the ambience. What can I say, sometimes a brother lucks out and offers something of value. "I love it there." Jesus, I am so lucky.

May 18, 1988 9:23 PM

You see, I don't care. I don't care about anything but this. Because living isn't a responsibility, it is an adventure. And the quality of your adventure is your personal contribution to the quality of the human spirit. What you contribute, not being satisfied with typos even at the point of entry, so that it goes in as close to the way you hear it as possible. (((((Such a joy, Jesus! Such a joy. (((((And it does not last.))))))))))

Such a character. Look on the good side. Don't be negative.

"This guy was a captain, had his own boat, so I couldn't ask him to handle the anchors." (((((So take it into thought, that is where you would be most comfortable writing fiction--where you presume the thoughts of others.)))))

May 18, 1988 9:31 PM

"I like a girl with no neck," he said as he returned from the bathroom, "that way when we walk into a bar all heads turn but hers." (((((Oh, yea!)))))

May 18, 1988 9:37 PM

Fascinating, he is enamored with what's available in video and I'm enamored with what's available in direct experience.

May 18, 1988 9:39 PM

When you are doing a spelling check, when you question a particular word as you are typing along...stop, highlight the word and just check it. Might take all of 6 seconds.

May 18, 1988 9:40 PM

A story becomes the pieces you paste together of what happens in reality to define a consistent sequence.

May 18, 1988 9:41 PM

A snapshot and we are gone. Unlike the scuba diver, the snorkeler is less likely to suffer from delusions of never returning to the surface.

May 23, 1988 2:54 PM

Been a hard day today, been gettin' hard lately. And why? Well, it's been because I've been preoccupied with everyone else's focus. The distraction from your own intent is enormous.

May 23, 1988 5:36 PM

So the point to Excel is that none of the sheets gets that big. (((((You don't have to maintain row and column integrity across the diagonal.)))))

May 25, 1988 8:17 AM

See, there's too much clutter, living with other people. The issue seems to be how much isolation is needed in order to cope.

May 25, 1988 8:20 AM

It's been a couple days now since I latched onto the idea of right-brain left-brain, Word and WordPerfect, finally a synthesis emerges. A paradigm fits. The detail makes no sense unless expanded and organized.

May 25, 1988 8:30 AM

The pleasure for Bill Gates, is that in having the ability to organize the detail, he gets final say. His taste in the simple things, like how the on-line help system works, is such a guide.

May 25, 1988 8:32 AM

Getting the environment to answer your questions.

Understanding what the questions are.

May 25, 1988 8:43 AM

Look! Here's the Catch-22 when it comes to training: Good trainers rarely have what it takes to produce training materials of their own. So the ideal is to take the best training materials and the best instructor to the best setting.

May 27, 1988 8:28 AM

(((((How do you avoid taking your self too seriously?))))) Without taking your self at all?

May 28, 1988 7:50 PM

As the gate went up at the parking meter, my skin crawled at the thought of going straight to hell. At level one the parking was full, no problem, at level two another blockade, an annoyance with remote warning signals starting to come in. But when level three was also blocked and intimidating arrows pointed the way to an unexpected level four, the saab's wheels came to a silence that called to mind the wet pavement.

I looked in the rear view mirror, no pressure, so I looked for a course of action that felt better. Getting through seemed unlikely due to the locked chain, so with an air of caution and a deep inhalation, the wheels rolled into the fourth level and Joshua would never be the same again.

References, how you refer to something, what it is when you make a reference.

May 31, 1988 8:28 AM

June 3, 1988 5:09 PM

The only place I seem to take my self seriously enough is when I write, as though here is the only connection with reality I care to keep. But you cannot keep the one without the other, so I am lost.

June 5, 1988 12:29 AM

(((((You see don't you, it's here, right now June 5, 1988 12:30 AM, in the now there is the infinite. (((((They are one in the same.)))))))))) And what about that discussion on religion and tarot. Did you have any idea of who you were talking to? Open your mouth in the wrong place Mike, and you'll get your mouth sewn shut.

June 8, 1988 11:16 AM

Time to get on to other things I guess. Somehow I'm calmer now than I have been in the past, how it lasts.

June 10, 1988 9:19 AM

And the journal, the journal is the heart. Put it together later, if you insist, and in my case if I can. But get it in there! Capture it! The computer makes a difference in how much contiguity you can capture in the stream of the subconscious.

June 10, 1988 9:24 AM

If there weren't such fantastic gains to be made using computers there wouldn't be such pressure to learn how to use them. And learning how to use them is like learning how to drive your car--it is something you have to do. It is not a group effort. And so coming out of an age, or culture, that primarily rewards group effort and cooperation, the age of autonomy can be quit an adjustment. But that is all it has to be, an adjustment. And it can be quit comforting to hear that the one unique characteristic of the human being is its adaptability. But how?!

June 10, 1988 9:33 AM

(I guess you have to know how to think to make it happen, and therein, comes the fear.)

June 10, 1988 9:34 AM

When you hear a beep after you hit a keystroke like Page-Down, it indicates that you have bumped into a wall. The end of the file,

June 10, 1988 9:36 AM

We order things by putting them into sequence. Therefore, our order in sequence is arbitrary and determines the order. "What order are we going to do things in?"

June 10, 1988 9:40 AM

And finally a decent call from cashland.

June 10, 1988 9:42 AM

The difference between previews and the real thing is the length of the sequence.

June 10, 1988 9:43 AM

"I'm a tutor. Personal computing and body conditioning."

June 12, 1988 10:33 PM

Prepare the sequence that you execute, don't execute on the fly.

June 12, 1988 10:34 PM

The key to getting your own answers is having your references well organized. Of course, that assumes you have some references, and that you know what they are and how to use them.

June 17, 1988 1:40 PM

I just gave what I felt was one of the soundest basics classes, and I got some of the worst scores.

June 22, 1988 1:53 PM

So your work can never be your joy, or so says Michael. But still here I am, back in electrons, back to my master plan. When I sat there and listened today I was forced to wonder, where do I fit into the scheme of these things.

I get so sad, sad that there is such pressure to make it all work out.

June 26, 1988 8:13 AM

So I don't come here anymore. So much distraction from the outside. (Just had to blow away a little spider who was scrambling over my keys on the keyboard.)

June 26, 1988 11:18 AM

Loving means giving time to those who love you.

July 3, 1988 12:57 AM

The log, always the log fades deeper and deeper into the background. Does it matter? Some would say yes, others wouldn't know in the first place. Do you know? Shit no.

So go to bed, forget the isolation, forget the lack of being there, it is you who isn't there, isn't it? I get so tired of making the effort, with so little connection I wonder why I bother.

July 7, 1988 8:45 PM

I live in such a fragile understanding of my self. So shallowly looking for reassurance of the most intimate kind. Why am I this way? Are we all? And if so, how do we cope?

July 7, 1988 8:47 PM

I talk about my journal as though I write in it every day, as though it is some living breathing being that exists beyond me, but neither is true. All that I do is but scratchings in the sand at low tide. Time. It all seems to come back to time. John pointing to his wrist watch making the point that it was what we are all governed by. But time is not just linear, more than just the path not taken, it is the process of reality, the current of the hot wax round the wick.

July 7, 1988 8:52 PM

Training? Who cares? Publishing is my hearts intent. Why is that? Is it a choice or a calling? I hardly think of it as a choice because I have run away from it so tenaciously. A tenacious calling fits better.

July 7, 1988 8:56 PM

Being afraid of publishing isn't the issue, the fact is the joy of doing it. Only here is there the connection.

June 26, 1988 11:39 AM

Think on paper, execute in electrons.

July 7, 1988 9:04 PM

The responsibility to contribute...what? To contribute your joy to the world. Your labor of love. Wandering through cloudy ideas on windy days. (And will there ever be fiction?)

The question isn't if you really listened what would you hear, but more to the point--when you really listen and hear nothing, what do you do? What ever you do will be what becomes, so that's why you better make it your best.

July 11, 1988 2:13 PM

Working out and drinking Red & White sandwiches. How incongruous. It ain't no big thing.

(((((So where do you press against the balloon? How do you find that sense of belonging, that sense of contributing?)))))(((((I understand how I got here, even that I got here because I pursued what made me happy.))))) You see the division, the choice

July 14, 1988 8:30 AM

The people who I have admired most along the way, have been those who have dug down into their pockets and paid their own dear money for something they wanted.

July 19, 1988 9:18 PM

Usually what a person builds in anxiety becomes a yawn in reality.

July 19, 1988 11:26 PM

So many other distractions from my one true love, here in the keys. I guess knowing it actually is enough once you get there, is no reaching back and trying to (needing to) bring along all the rest. (Just like the story of the frogman.)

July 20, 1988 2:03 PM

Relieve your self of the frustration of not liking reality.
Accept the trade-offs in life and willingly let go of paths not taken.

July 21, 1988 8:18 AM

(((((That's it you know, the difference, the core difference in belief that really scare me, are those who )))))...those who seek to objectify you.

July 21, 1988 8:32 AM

The reason computers seem a mystery is because there is no sense of circling back to where you started. Climbing back to the root directory. Putting a menu back on the screen.

July 22, 1988 12:01 AM

Boulder does stand for something. Boulder represents a value, but it is a lofty value, so difficult to grasp. Boulder gets stereotyped as the place where everyone is into something different. A place full of tolerant weirdos. But we know, and you know, better.

Boulder is a place of vision, Boulder is a place of dramatic weather, Boulder is a place of solitude. (((((Why can't the way we write it, hear it, be the way it comes out on paper?))))) For language to work it has to have some uniformity. And sequence. Language is sequential, and therefore limited to sequential interpretation. Symbols are realistic, and interpret differently than sequentially.

July 24, 1988 8:57 AM

Each Sunday I get to the classifieds and sigh. All those people looking for jobs, no body looking for me. All those people looking for help, no body seeing what kind.

The world is going thorough a major transformation, life is going through a major transformation as carbon based processing starts supplementing its efforts by processing with silicon. Bodies, working with computers, on an individual level, to do what it innately does best--process information. Organize. We organize well, and the irony is that you can be the all star fullback and not have the same organization of mind as body.

A perfectly balanced human being, how would it cope in a world dominated by such struggling out-of-control creatures as us?

And even if it were balanced, how long would it last? How long can it last? Our investment cannot be only in our own growth, but in the growth of each of us. Can humanity control its own growth, or are we really only a weed growing wild in the universe?

July 24, 1988 9:08 AM

The reason I charge a lot is so that people pay attention to what I say.

July 24, 1988 10:11 PM

Knowledge is such a limited base of understanding. ( "for understanding")


MICHAELMILLER@HERMIT.COM