The Hermit's Journal Excerpts (May 3, 1986 -- April 15, 1987)

May 3, 1986 8:28 AM

"I have work to do." Work is what needs to be done to maintain your balance. Balance is work. Balance is what counts. Balance, humm could balance have something to do with consciousness?

Curious, the dame gives people the feeling there's something nasty about her. Isn't that more saying something about how far a person has to go to get there? Just to feel like you are real, that your feelings are legitimate, that what they see is what you see, at least partially. Because as surely as we are not alone, we feel alone because life is encapsulated in bodies (((((We are god's ears in the universe. Information gatherers listen.)))))

Letting go long enough to listen, long enough to listen...

May 4, 1986 8:07 AM

The female's role is to look in the mirror, the male's to look through it. Just who am I going to be and how am I going to act?

May 5, 1986 9:07 AM

You can never pick your fans.

May 5, 1986 9:11 PM

(((((Just doing this. That is all I want to do. Don't bother me while I'm outputting; it seldom happens.)))))

Fitness is just like processing--autonomy is what matters, what you can do with just your own body, stretching, pressing, reaching for control.

If not here, then nowhere. It can't happen anywhere out there the way it can happen here. Where is here? Where you are, where are you, listen. Listen!

So much depends on where you are coming from,... so much of where you are coming from depends on your attitude, that, well, it becomes a matter of the fallen caryatid, how much can you support? Your family.

("You know its brilliant.")

Consciousness, the final frontier.

May 6, 1986 2:54 PM

It's only by sifting the specifics that the general principles come into focus. Then, once the principles are evident, your actions are guided by your insight.

"What did I learn about fighting? ((What did I learn?)) In, and then get the hell out of there.

So much talk about our modeling, without much talk about strategies for implementing, let alone the aim behind the strategies.

What I miss in my self was what I was able to find at the Club, a sense of self that transcended romance. A sense of purpose that gave my self identity. As though the effort is not pure enough unless you are in touch with what you believe in, the activities of chopping wood and carrying water.

Saving what you write is not nearly so important as the activity of writing. Get it out, practice saying it. Practice capturing it just the way you hear it. Listen closely.

May 6, 1986 6:31 PM

Back from a three star work out with Daniele, ah so loose, so pleasantly spongy. And news from Pat. Now, the plot...

Watching the cartoons these days makes me glad I got to experience life in a 100% carbon based organism.

May 8, 1986 11:34 AM

There seems to be so much distraction, so much choice on priorities. Focus. Focus. Define who you are and what you offer, then offer it. I publish an information service called T.H.I.S. inc. Lately lots of the information to get issued has been on personal computing autonomy. Reaching for autonomy. Being able to get it done on your own. (((((when you get paid for playing the piano it is more difficult to sit down and play for the joy of it. But still, there is the joy of it that makes all the intention worth the brief glimpses of spontaneous joy.)))))

What's the real world? You think you "know"? There is so much mystery, so much awe, flow, swim, engage, be who you are where you are when you are. And reach out, not obtrusively, but definitely reach out. Say and think--thank you!

The consequences of acting on a belief often challenge the belief. And what is true is often challenged the most.

The belief that what you say and do has impact...

I sit here an awful lot yet here I feel like I gotta go and don't want to. Not ready yet. Nice to feel the involvement.

Who is the man that you are? How do you be "real"? How do you choose? There is so much surrender to acceptance, will seems lost in the clamor.

You have no kidding in you, you're far too serious. Lighten up, and you'll have more fun. Larry was definitely a lesson today, for me.

May 8, 1986 7:01 PM

And now it's time for me to say this: there can be no retreat from life, no withdrawal from the challenge of living. From the first breath to the last, there has to be advancement.

May 9, 1986 9:01 AM

I mean look at things, give your self a break , feel free to try, in not all areas will your bull's-eye be so easy. You underestimate the value of what you write only because you write it with no plot. Well, that makes me smile. I'm in trouble lately with self doubt, not because I'm ready to surrender, but because it slows me down. I can see why the image of a chargin' rino is such a good one to capture the feeling of tenacity.

Using what's there, and not getting distracted by what's possible. Get done what you have to do.

((((( accept how really distant we really are from the whole thing. Life just passes us bye. But do we see this when we are young? Is it only a matter of not experiencing limitations of the flesh that makes our young frame of mind so different from our older one?

Nothing is more important to me that this, here what I'm doing. It gives me the greatest joy, I seek only to earn my living at it. I wonder how others can be who they are, and not feel limited, not thinking that who they are is an expression of their growth.

May 9, 1986 10:40 PM

The soft curves of a woman's hips. The touch of it for the pleasure of it. The pleasure of just feeling the wanting for the seeing of it. Openly throwing resistance to the wind, not caring about the consequences, just carried away by the thrill of the ride and not wanting it to ever stop. My addiction to wanting to be in love, to expecting to be in love, hasn't this always been my fault? The glory and the beauty of the involvement.

Just remember. When you come from the active frame of reference of remembering, or listening, you gain the most. You hear the most. You have the most to respond to.

The pain comes from not embracing what is real.

Money and resources vs. needs and expectations.

May 10, 1986 10:03 AM

The life of a fighter pilot. Always putting everything on the line, moment to moment.

May 13, 1986 1:49 PM

I feel all stretched out. Like I'm trying to do too many things at once, not focused on anything, just going through the motions. When I read a quote in a book about someone saying "It's what I teach, and what I care about" it struck a nerve. What do I teach? What do I care about? Too stretched out to know, too stretched out to care. Aiming at your target is intuitive, trust your feelings, trust your aim, trust that your effort will find the proper target. I know that writing is my destiny. Why? Because I enjoy it too much for it not to be. Writing is what I care about.

May 15, 1986 1:34 PM

I just finished A House Like a Lotus. And it's raining outside. Raining inside, too. Not sure why, but enough to come here and make the connection in electrons. Who was it that said to me that my contribution wouldn't be in computers, but in bigger issues? I don't know, now anyway, I could remember if I worked at it, but it doesn't seem to matter. What matters is the truth of what was said. I need to acknowledge that truth, that what I have to say isn't going to be about computers, but instead about life, and love, and growth, and awareness.

Awareness--strange stuff, Godly stuff, timeless stuff.

May 17, 1986 4:51 PM

I'm lost. I'm wanting to party, to get away from all the responsibility. Looking for a drinking partner and there aren't any. So what's next? I can't fly, I can't be top gun, not in the air anyway, which is my environment of preference, what is left? Electrons. The genius of me, interacting with thee. And it has no plot. Only the wish to be totally absorbed, to have something to offer that others want and are willing to pay for. Willing to pay for, (what a pitiful expression of where I am, hoping for a pay back that may never come, ((probably won't come)) all for what? For the love of the passion of being involved. Contributing. Sharing.)

Money plays such a big part, a full suit in the deck of cards.

We externalize God out of the sheer pressure of dealing with our own divinity.

May 19, 1986 9:06 PM

I get tired of dealing with electrons, I've come so far off my path in order to find the means of communicating my message. Sure the means is via electrons, but the message is transformational awareness. How do we participate in our own transformation? First of all, by being aware of it, and secondly by taking action to affect it. Being aware without taking action does us little good. Just what am I talking about? Being here now, making a difference now, acting globally by being locally. Life is more than getting somewhere, cuz once you're there, then what? I have been taken off my mark, and only by getting off track can I see that I'm off.

May 20, 1986 10:13 AM

Haven't I felt lost before? What have I done then? What will I do now? Relax. How do you do that? And is now the time to relax? Or is now the time to do something? Like what, find a job? Then what? Who are you mike? And what are you going to do with your life? Publish of course. So get to it!

May 24, 1986 10:09 AM

Transformational awareness, taking an active participation in the development of your own nature.

((((There are times when I fall into an awareness that makes all this effort at mentality seem so ridiculous. It's tough reaching for the connection between me and the cursor, when you start seeing...)))))

(((((serialization of something adds value)))))

June 1, 1986 11:19 AM

I guess it is no accident that I sit here listening to the sound track of Out of Africa, pondering the position of the man who chooses to consider god within, typing in my log, fresh from a shower, (yet to do my nails, but my fingers taking the greater pleasure with the keyboard. (Maybe that's what I'm not paying any attention to. The involvement with the keyboard for the sheer joy of it, not limited to the thought behind the process, but calling forth the physical joy of playing the instrument. Making it do what you want in the blink of an eye.))

June 1, 1986 11:25 AM

Time and date stamps,...buoys on a dark and cloudy night.

(((((Too lost in thought? I think not; I feel not. Week in plot? ("how dense do you want it?" at what level does it become too dense? cd\ no one wants another's perceptions taken as their own. (cd, changing directories, paradigm shifts, why haven't I made this connection before?)

And what about breaking up your stream of thought into different files? I think it better to attach labels (keywords) that will allow you to sort later.

The paradigm shift, people have such hard times dealing with paradigm shifts, radical change of a different dimension, basement to penthouse views.

Radical changes are going on in how much power an individual can control when it comes to autonomous information processing. And not just over numbers, creative dimensions especially!

June 4, 1986 10:17 PM

There is a trade-off involved even in happiness. The surrender of your freedom to gain your love, the seed must take root in order to grow.

June 4, 1986 10:38 PM

((even time and date stamps are approximate))

June 6, 1986 6:47 AM

I'm so discouraged I can't even tell you about it. On the verge of tears, not knowing what to do about it, not feeling any care. No sentence structure, just phrases, one after the other, aimlessly tied together. TLJ thinks it is adjusting to my new schedule, partly true I suppose, but there is more to it than that. I'm starting to feel lost again, like nothing matters, like whatever I've been trying to accomplish is becoming more and more obviously a pipe dream.

Money is the issue. When I look at Bob I wonder... I wonder why I didn't make something more of myself. I wonder why I'm not more responsible about money. (I hate these depressions, even casting my perception outside my self and realizing that the upswing of re-embracing a dream is sure to follow, I still hate the slide. ((I guess I've come a long way, though, because I find myself challenging my attitude, forced to accept what is and reaching to change what I can.))

June 10, 1986 6:18 PM

So I know I'm headed in the right direction--write and fuck the rest.

June 11, 1986 8:51 AM

When we are young we understand so little, yet our actions have every bit of effect that an adult's do. How do we ever survive? How do adults ever adjust to what can be wished for versus what can be attained?

June 16, 1986 7:50 AM

"Finding my self in space." Judith

Finding my self, I've been right on the wire for sometime now, but somehow the frenzy of new input has helped me find the focus.

It's shocking how dense you can find your self to be.

June 16, 1986 9:45 AM

You don't have to play the part of devil, equality is the only acceptable answer. The answer is a peaceful one.

((((You define yourself by the routines you choose to participate in.))))

June 19, 1986 1:23 PM

Support, nobody wants to bear the burden of support. A lot is coming towards me right now. How to handle it, what context through which to recalc the content?

Interview and assign. (Follow the money. Where's the money? Tech notes, The WordPerfectionist, the info flows. ((T.H.I.S. inc.)) This inc. time for the next issue,...not yet, but a review is starting to look like it might have some interesting dimension.

June 19, 1986 11:15 PM

So much going on there seems to be not even enough time to listen. If you don't listen, how can you plan, how can you do anything other than ride the roller coaster of response?

Yes, store it here. And, And, And,...

Moonlight over my shoulder, so much of being here now, there surely must be coming a shattering separation. (Yet that is what I have been feeling all along. And more richness has come along my way than I could have ever dreamed. So why am I still so paranoid? Why can't I forgive my self for not having an intrinsic purpose. (Silly boy, you know better than that, purpose is an outcome of will, so by our very nature, by our very godliness, we make it up as we go along.)

June 20, 1986 12:41 AM

The moon is setting as so must I, you can only stay awake for so long, hummm, seems to be something between the lines on that one.

So much clutter, that a focus finally forms.

June 20, 1986 12:46 AM

Good night!

((I love it when she gets punched instead of swooned.)) in the opening sequence of the television series--The Wild Wild West.

Man is perfect. In so far as it's evolution, it is complete. We manifest in flesh and blood for it offers the most satisfaction. If we wanted to live longer we would be trees.

I think Yoga uses the body as a pacifier.

There is no competition unless it's close. I want to get paid for what I've already done, not create an expectation about what I'm going to do.

And all that talk about getting home and balancing the checkbook that night, and later deciding to go ahead and write the checks. That says a lot to me. A lot to me, about the fun in knowing where you stand, about the fun in keeping track, about how everyone would like to be a guy like my dad but can't seem to get the job done. Keeping track is hard to do, and it takes regular performance (to the point of tenacity), but with a computer a lot more people can use the tool to keep track, when before it was impossible.

July 4, 1986 9:38 AM

The Reality is that in spite of evil, good exists. So where you participate in the paradigm is your choice, and the impact that you can have is only marginal. (((Is that because evil only exists when there is good to oppose it?)))

"I think your position is primitive." I end up with the paradigm that opposes thought to feeling, equally and ends up dismissing the thought process that leads to motivation one of subservience to the identification of one's true feelings. For that is the purest effort of the individual. Not to trust his mind, not to trust his feelings, but to trust in both with the understanding that feelings are a closer source of input than the thought process.

July 4, 1986 9:51 AM

Transformations, they happen fast.

July 4, 1986 10:16 AM

When they happen you need to understand the general picture before any of the specifics make sense.

I used to think that I needed the body work to balance the mind work, two diverse interests, two separate involvements. But lately, they are melting into one involvement, melting into me. The idea of sequence, the idea of paying attention to achieve an attention free state of being, and so much more, comes into play between the world of electrons and the world of body health.

When you boot up a computer the order that you install programs in RAM makes a difference in what you can do later. Is it any different with waking up your body in the morning?

July 15, 1986 10:57 PM

Think flyer, and think strangers. (((Think strangers)))

July 20, 1986 7:26 PM

The issue really is celibacy, isn't it? No waves, no interface, no consequence.

July 21, 1986 8:24 PM

(((((Get real and recognize that you are standing in acres of diamonds.)))))

(((((People that just get into the fight against injustice for the fun of it)))))(((((and this is what evil does, is invite good to participate against it.)))))

Submitting to the consensus, what a horrifying thought, to be reduce to that.

One of the best ways to understand something complex is to transcend it. Maybe the only way.

(((((A story has a beginning, middle, and end. This is a template that offers meaning)))))(((((Why is that? That it offers meaning)))))

July 25, 1986 9:07 AM

So much passion. So much passion in the world, people in pursuit of their ideals, people reaching out to become their dreams. Such a vast spectrum! It forces me into facing the fact that we exist on the spectrum within a range that is comfortable, by our choice. And I live in a spectrum, bounded by my friends, reflected by my friends, and when the reflections come back rejections or affronts, that becomes an indication of my shift in spectrum. The choice then becomes mine, the adjustment to the shifts of personality, to be who I choose. How does one monitor the extremes of desire and acceptance? How passionate is God's will?

When you embrace your body you don't need anyone talking to you about how it should feel or why. The connection lies within. So much of the connection with life lies within, what are we to do? The furies? To do nothing, leaving nothing undone.

July 26, 1986 8:05 AM

There will be a place for a guy like me commenting on the transformation.

"Know before whom you stand." God, that makes sense.

A rose is more a rose among a throng of weeds. mjm

July 29, 1986 11:49 PM

Caring, being able to care at a level that matters to you. Having children reduces caring to survival.

August 1, 1986 8:59 PM

Into the night...

August 7, 1986 9:07 PM

Life is a matter of caring. Don't care, don't live.

When you care, things matter, and tears come easy.

Life has been very fast, must maintain my balance, withdraw. Stay calm.
Breathe, and trust your self to take the best shot.

"Some things mark you for life."
"Yes, some fortunately some unfortunately, they do."

(((((My greatest joy, I experience with my self. Is that what priests experience? Is that why they are priests?)))))

August 12, 1986 1:23 AM

If they can learn conceptually without having to learn by direct use of the keyboard, so much the better.

(((((It's no fun being aimless in your thoughts.)))))

August 12, 1986 2:22 AM

(It is funny, peculiar even, to want to work with someone to the point of denying them access.)

THE WORK: Allowing your self to hang off of the fountain of energy that rises within you, that's the orientation.

August 12, 1986 2:30 AM

I'm having fun here, doing what I enjoy best, even maybe, or necessarily so, doing what I'm best at.

The risk has always been exposure, having the courage to let go of what you love the best, expose it to critics, and not have it matter.

August 12, 1986 2:33 AM

Driven by passion is no light expression. There is no wonder that we filter life so. The joy and the much to balance.

August 12, 1986 3:23 AM

How am I given such joy? Spared such pain? Will I be strong when the time comes? (How I love the sound track from Somewhere in Time. How I love the story of love,...somewhere in time.) (((I'll need to get through the feelings of responsibility as quickly as possible to help others with theirs.)))

August 23, 1986 11:39 AM

In reading my journal, preparing for another issue, I am disappointed that I haven't said more. More about electrons, more about transformation, more about body work. Seems that I've been so busy hustling the buck that everything else has gone by the wayside.

What do I offer? Why that's easy to explain if I can do it in my own terms: I am a guide through the land of transformational awareness. I help people understand the nature of the changes taking place and how to take advantage of those changes. I focus on two areas, both having to do with operating systems. One area is carbon based, namely the body; the other is silicon based, namely personal computers. In each case it is the individual I work with because it is the individual that has to make the difference. Each of us comes from our own perception of reality and each of us has our own growth we seek to pursue.

Time is a key issue. No one has the time. Everyone in business wants to get from point A to point B in as little time as possible. But money also is an issue. How much money is costs becomes a trade-off with how much time. The less time to get from A to B the more money it is going to cost.

Now, obviously I focus on the autonomous end-user. (Don't know what autonomy is? Better look it up, become familiar with it, because even though it's new , it's a key concept to understanding what is going on.)

I introduce newcomers to the land of autonomous information processing. Or in other words, I teach people how to drive a personal computer.

Why a personal computer? Why autonomy? Can you really afford to pay serious money to have your secretary learn the programs only to have her leave you for a better job offer? Think this isn't becoming a serious problem? Wake up and look around. What can you earn in today's job market if you understand Microsoft Word, Framework, WordPerfect, Lotus, and dBaseIII Plus? "Move over Matilda, miss 45 year old secretary that is afraid to learn personal computers. The 21 year old whiz can do your job and that of your three assistants before it's time for lunch."

And as for the executives: if they don't know what is possible how are they going to know what to ask for? And when they ask for it how are they going to play with it unless they know how? Face it, money is an information game. If you cannot control your information, you cannot control your money.

Later I'll have more to say on carbon based units.

August 24, 1986 11:45 PM

Good night!

So I say I'm bored. Why is this? Isn't boredom a sign of lack of involvement? Am I not involved? Or am I delaying my departure for my next phase? Or am I so busy in what I am currently doing that I want to get on with it? J. says I see my self as God. In some ways that is true, I am, she is, we all are. Religions, belief structures, diving boards into the pond of life.

Bored I think because I can't see around the bend to what's ahead. (But I've started speculating, started to wonder how I would do things differently if I had all the money I could spend. Not just fantasy, but truly speculating on the eventuality. After all, making money was never a problem with me; making it and enjoying it has been my target.

I think that the departure that I took and I stayed on was seeking internal awareness, internal belief. Instead of trying to figure out how it worked out there, I worked on figuring out how it worked in here. As above, so below. As out there, so in here. As in here, so out there. Emotions, thoughts, the whole thing.

What the new age is giving us is a level of individualism not known before. The capability of autonomy in the area of information processing is where it's all at.

So what I do,or what I attempt to do, is write for the joy of it and extend it as a reflection to pay my way. I'm not so far off base, I know where I'm heading, I even know that I'm heading, and with very little control.

Coming to understand the formatting aspect of printing has been a real joy. Sort of like, "Oh, now I see what is possible."

The glitter of relationships, no matter how ideal, must still fall back upon a solid sense of self.

I've gotten afraid, afraid that what I'm after is some pipe dream, reaching so far into the ultimate that I will dissolve before I ever get that far.

Believing takes such a high price. No mental override, no pressing realities, such things as bills, parents, and girlfriends. Only the union, only the flow.

I'm having trouble dealing with who I am. Dealing with who I think I am that I'm discovering I can't be. Transformation, always emerging, always challenged to be real with my self and with you. You out there, that collective you, that I work so hard for. Enslaved like Duncan to the Atreides ideal.

T.H.I.S. provides you with a clearer vision of your electron world.

Dollar per productive keystroke, we are the best investment in town.

Your macro library needs macros that have the letter of the macro relevant to the job that it does. I know this seems obvious, but only after to see it set out.

I fear I'm stretched too thin, able to be too little across too much spectrum. Now what?

July 20, 1986 7:26 PM

There are just too many RAM resident utilities coming into the marketplace to let the implications float by.

July 21, 1986 8:24 PM

I teach people about getting a clearer vision of their electron world.

Often to get a focus, you view the situation through a broader picture, usually one that involves money as a priority.

(It's important to learn the concepts of printing)

With so little time for the internal dialog, what you can capture in your log can only help, like photographing the stream of smoke rising from a cigarette.

The joy and the participation in life is the exercising of the will. All that matter's in life is how you choose to play the game. There are those who play by violence, there are those who play by religion..... and then there are those who don't play by any rules as their rule--"No rules".

(((((His idea in his way, my idea in mine.)))))

"serious impact"

"What you want is that global completeness that you see behind my eyes. If you had it, then you would not be looking for it within my eyes."

And so there he is, or was, picking away, trying to go straight for the heart. Telling the story, pouring all of himself out into the characters, so in love with the drama, so in love with the act of making it into a reality.

(((((caring as a common experience)))))

The sad truth is that you will never know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Our purpose is to accomplish our mission. Reaching for a higher love.

I just get off on writing, the act itself, the involvement.

((((Everyone assumes the hermit chooses his role. Not so. Life forces the role on us all.)))) We all cast our lights into the darkness, in the hope of aiding unknown and unseen travellers.


extension and control of the spinal column

(((((You have to deal with the trade-offs between creativity and productivity)))))

(((((It's as though I'm on some grand distraction, filling my life with miscellany.)))))

So much flows toward the time of the end user. Someone, all of us, need to stand on our isolated peaks and cast forth our light into the darkness. I seam to have never realized that the hermit is in his role as a matter of choice. Each of us are carved into reality by our experiences, as though our experiences lift up from underneath us and thrust us skyward standing on top of our own mountain of experience that by the very nature of the mountain, isolates us from the commonality of non-existence. ((((Wow!)))) Is that a mouthful or what? Sometimes I forget my self and realize that as much as I can identify that typing is my favorite exercise, there are still other tasks at hand.

When it has all come down to this, where do you take it from here? mjm860901

Where do you place your leap of faith? Everyone seems to place it somewhere. Somewhere across a spectrum between moment to moment panic, and utter calm.

Sequence, the sequence that you do things in matters. Be it body or computer, refining the sequence is what counts.

Teaching people how to deal with electrons, this is my interest. Teaching people how to deal with transformation. Awareness of it releases you from it.

After the fire, the fire still burns, so... how to handle the ever present fire. To turn energies toward growth through participation. Extending your karma.

I know less now about my future than ever before, but I am also calmer. My future will take care of its self, for it is the now that I need to take care of. Now and eating it like it is.

Publish or perish. So relax, and transmit. Look for your audience but transmit what you are enthused with. It is the only subject worth your time and effort.

The thrill of playing with the operating system, carbon or silicon based.

Always I emerge up from the ashes of my efforts to make the new leap of faith to a positive, better future.

The headache, god what a headache! A crumbling world? Or no world at all? Attitudes, where do they come from? And the empty feelings, why are there empty feelings? Is it only a matter of attitude, or does there have to be certain kinds of interactions that would cause these feelings?

Where does my dream fit in now? (The closer I get to what I want the more blurred things become.) ((I feel so much the need to be still, to listen.))

Perhaps my writing has to rise up a directory to make any sense. At the operating system level, dealing with carbon based systems--bodies, and with silicon based systems--personal computers, and how the two can enhance the operation of the other. Clouds of electrons, one more primitive than the other, each designed to carry out the will of the operator. Who is the operator of the personal computer? You are, of course. And who is the operator of your body? Your will, of course, that comes through you no matter what you do, it's only how you direct your will that you have any control over.

The key is to listen to your environment and then respond, you cannot get there alone. You have to dance with life, be it in sales, your body, or the pursuit of your career.

You know, I really don't care much about computers, except for how they affect the quality of human existence. Computers are great because they come closer to keeping up with the mind in working with information. Typing directly to paper and ink is great, an exercise all its own made unique by the machine and you, but it is also casting it in stone. Why not write in electrons and let come to paper only what you choose? Here we are back to electrons, thinking in electrons. In the midst of such change that new technology is bringing us, not just in computers, but in biology also. Self conceptions are redefining themselves, as is natural in paradigm shifts that affect the whole society. We are emerging into a whole new phase of tool using. Like the handgun, it is one hand--one gun. Computers are now tools that can be used by the autonomous user.

No matter what time you are born into, waking up in the morning is a new life, a new chance to be the you that you want to be, more completely in the now. Computers serve as a good example of how we can gain more out of our lives by how we organize our day. Everyone goes through the making and breaking of routines. They are made trying to get consistent results, they are broken because we are adrift in a sea of chaos. The trick is to monitor the routines that you are in, nudging them into a more harmonious process.

"A real fan of racing,
a used fan of life."

Women, they come they go, always leaving their mark. (We paint the canvas of our lives by the experiences we have.)

So much of life depends on how much focus you can have on the inside.

The paradox to the human condition is that we survive at all.

Holding it in is not a one time thing, it is all the time, that's why sleep is sleep. Sleeping is letting go; waking is taking control.

Isn't a writer a gamesman of change, floating in a wind trying to jell something in symbols that achieves a speck of awareness in the reader? Isn't that the way it is?

The inner game of electrons.

There are times when it is all worth it. When the doubt and uncertainty fall away, and all that is left is you, pure you, alive, active.

The joy of it all!

I told her that the physical connection from THE WORK is secondary, more importantly it trains the will, and above all other reasons is doing it for the shear pleasure of doing it.

How aware do you dare? How aware do you dare to be real, to act from the center of your focus, to believe in yourself and act accordingly. Reaching for what you want re-actively. Swimming through water rather than running through rain.

((((remember the headache))))

You have friends to help you extend beyond who you are to who you want to be.

(((((("Detail consolidates itself."))))))mjm860929 4:30pm

(((((How far down must you come from the mountain peak?)))))
(((((too far, way too far, it just isn't worth it)))))

I sit here only because I know in my heart that this is the only connection that I can reach for in this manifestation of flesh and blood that comes close to giving me a physical connection. A communion with my God. Religion, plugging in on a level that materially departs from the level of making a living.

Transformers, the toys the kids love in the era of the late 80's. Why those toys? Easy, because the time has come for children to learn the concept of transformation, where mode of functionality shifts.

Events occur in defined sequence, but they take on meaning only through time.

What I'm failing to see is the distinction between knowing how to use electrons, and what my purpose was in getting to learn them.

I know what I want to do. I know that it is going to be autonomous. So I am the one that has to make it happen; I'm the only one.

Instead of a chore, isn't that the way I set it up because of the joy involved?((((()))))

"There's no more fun than you and your own PC." jsb860522

(I got jolted today working with live electricity.) And it came to me that getting electrocuted would not be a pleasant way to go, but it would be esoterically pleasing. Shock treatment, is it any wonder they use it to bring people back into a "better" sense of reality.

We can't go back in time, because there is no back, life's content exists moment to moment in such infinite variety that it breathes it's existence. Time is not a linear thing.

You want to flip out? Want to touch the basis of your existence? Do the ring of breathing.

"If you want this in writing you better take notes."

Insurance companies have all the money for a good reason, they are the ones on whom the burden of processing society's information falls.

When adults play children's games.

Going slow enough to listen. Going slow enough to respond. Taking the time to indulge in writing. What seems like so many distractions. The closer you get to the door the further you fade from the handle. Sometimes because you melt, others times because you approach a very big door.

The issue in the information age is not the availability of information but being able to find the information, assemble it and get it printed.

Global awareness, it's the only place to be coming from. How can you understand the function of the parts unless you have some conception of the whole?

November 9, 1986 6:58 PM

Jeez, what you have to go through to get into electrons!

November 10, 1986 5:56 AM

Or is it because you haven't had the courage to visualize your self as anything other than a lecherous writer?

November 16, 1986 9:59 PM

There are times when I feel so old, times when I barely feel born, and times when I feel both at once. Joy, pure joy, that reduces to awe. And then attachment rushes in and fear of loss is born.

Some of the smallest things that are said and done make such a difference, such a memory, such an impact. To know that there is a dream within meant to be fulfilled, to believe the dream exists, to act as though the dream is real makes it come true.

November 16, 1986 10:13 PM

To know that a disruption of RAM is inevitable, that life can be zapped at any moment, somehow makes it all the more precious. And for me it fans the fire within to get what is unique to me out and in a more formal, stable, form. For what I am, for the structures that I have created, are mine and mine alone. And as with any painting, or photo, what I write is my snapshot of the life that I am.

November 17, 1986 2:27 PM

What matters is getting everything set up in RAM the way you like it. Disk drives only come into action at load up and saving. Always saving.

November 17, 1986 5:07 PM

Global perspective is the same as watching the national news. We seek to see the overall picture. Everything reduces to now.

"You can't index on a logical field, you fool."

There are only certain bands in the spectrum of reality that people are willing to tolerate within their field of vision. Some come from religion land, some come from money land, some come from middle earth, some come from the starship Enterprise. From wherever, their willingness to tolerate other visions is somehow key to the survival of species.

November 21, 1986 10:25 AM

The concept of nesting is what is most important. Once you understand nesting, you get tree-structured directories "latta wa. latta wa coolie."

November 22, 1986 5:03 PM

In the cost of information processing you have:
Fixed: Maintenance Equipment and Media

For me there has to be a balance between developing your body and doing something with it. One is no good without the other. To only work as mechanic on the machine without ever driving it ignores life's struggle to survive.

November 23, 1986 10:28 AM

Sunday...Rawhide over, Wild Wild West in black and white, and the first taping session getting close. so let's try this.??????

November 23, 1986 11:26 AM

((make Framework the framework you teach in when on screen))

November 24, 1986 6:11 AM

Monday's seem so void of meaning. I seem so far away from my goals. This weekend accomplished a lot of ground work, but through the rest of this week I plan to get an issue out and a tape done.

When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, I wonder where my love is and when she'll come back to me.

November 25, 1986 4:33 PM

Thinking about going visual with these tapes has me goin'. Sure fear, but after I brush that aside, there is the dimension of creative expression.

I live so much under the shadow of not supporting my self. When I finally do, one way or the other, how will my self perception change?

There are a lot of things yet to do, a lot of living yet to be done, a lot of time to spend listening.

November 27, 1986 10:02 AM

Using personal computers is a lot like eating, you only eat when you're hungry, but when you eat you want to know how.

Here it is Thanksgiving and I'm fussing about cleaning the house. Jeez.

For growth to exist co-operation must occur, in the organism or in society. In any endeavor.

For me there has to be a balance between developing your body and doing something with it. One is no good without the other. To only work as mechanic on the machine without ever driving it (((even for joy?))) to a destination, (what destination? the will of god, of course) the best of which is to be happy and enjoy the experience.

It's hard making plans for a new year when the last year seemed so long. I can't even remember where I spent last Christmas, or with whom. Talking with Beth today was the natural thing to do, not a moment has gone out of her voice. ((makes it all the more difficult to squeeze a template around my feelings today))

December 4, 1986 12:39 PM

"yes, our captain feels very deeply." Feeling deeply, (feeling is what sense? Caring...)

In the midst of great change the message that feels right is the one most listened to.

(((((no matter how hard you listen)))))

Networks are not always the answer, take company A for instance, everything is so global it's overwhelming. The expectations are so high-- to understand everything, to make it all happen.

With the proliferation in PCs, there will always be the pressure to make it work "in electrons". If that pressure takes the form of a shock wave, the related shock wave of much broader dimension has to do with the end-user adapting to how it happens "in electrons."

People are going to work in software languages like they currently drive cars: the Ford of tomorrow will be dBase, the Ferrari will be C.

(((((I'm feeling cramped, because I'm not directing my energies to actively selling something that I've written. For Christ's sake mike, let it go. Sell it. Give it away.)))))

December 4, 1986 1:58 PM

Learning about how PCs work is a matter of building a picture in your mind.

More than what you are learning, is the method in which you are learning, that is important. Here spaced repetition is the key. Know how to involve your self.

December 10, 1986 9:13 AM

The pressure mounts. The need is growing and the only hope of balance is reaching for the global perspective. The global framework. ((Don't let the brand name stand in the way of the meaning of the work. Framework is just that-- a framework. I prefer it because it is geared towards the autonomous enduser, me. It's personal.

One thing I do in my editing from electrons to paper is destroy the spacing, destroy the meter to the music. (It might even be interesting to ... lost it.)

Not doing it right the first time slows you down, but there are always times when your best will have to do. mjm861210

What you have at stake is your future. The major trend is toward autonomous information processing. And seems how humans are the ultimate information processors of the universe, processing the information in our universe, home sweet home, our job, our kids' equipment, becomes pretty important.

Oh, yea. Why a log is so important? Because it is the fastest way of saving what goes on in your RAM, your mind. (((((So the idea is to capture the flow and then restructure. As though we are trying to become impervious to the passage of time. Load the right RAM and the passage of time doesn't touch you. )))))

December 12, 1986 8:52 PM

I'm so sick of being broke. I know it's my doing. I feel like it's my fault, but I think I know better, it's just me feeling that the world "should" be fair. And it isn't. It just isn't.

I'm so sick of it all. All the effort, all the pain, for so little gain.

Unified command structures, when will people get a clue? WordPerfect is scrambling to offer a unified environment that Framework has had out for a couple years. Superior word processing? So what? What matters is integration, putting it all together. And where will WordPerfect ever get a database like dBase III?

December 14, 1986 10:05 AM

What am I going to do? The money in consulting isn't enough. I need a job while I work at publishing.

December 16, 1986 10:21 PM

So much to put down, so much is clear. Tonight's program on PBS, the coming of balanced anarchy, the futility of pursuing understanding for its own sake. Why for it's own sake? Because if you seek to understand something in order to make the human condition better, manufacturing, growing, etc., things actually come of it. If you seek understanding for its own sake you either get lost in mental masturbation or meditation.

December 18, 1986 2:20 PM

Birthdays. Whose birthday is it today, anyway?

As you pass through reality you weave it together. As though the wake that a boat makes is the stuff we are made of. Or a zipper that slickly interleaves two ...(((((zippers, DNA, (((((for this to happen doesn't there have to be sequence?))))))))))

Saving should be a reflexive thing. Dump it in; if you come close to liking what gets in there-- save it!

December 19, 1986 7:48 AM

This is the last day for having a PC at home, ah such a luxury for someone so electron oriented as I. Time is rushing by so fast.

December 19, 1986 2:04 PM

Good bye PC at home.

Configuring systems. Adding what it takes to come up to 300 dpi full page. "Would you be interested in getting an estimate of what it would take to upgrade your current system to publishing capability? The cost is $??.00."

Performance plateaus. Those levels where you have the most capability at a given cost ceiling.

Objective oriented learning curves: their practicality and their limitations. Learn what you need to get the job done; let the job be the guide to what you learn. To balance out what you learn and stay in the groove of evolution, study the major trends. Follow the standards, that's why they are standards. Deviating from standards only slows you down in getting done what you need to do. If you can't afford the standards, save.

I want to be paid to do research and development training programs that empower trainees with "learning concepts" that can be applied to any situation. To train people how to connect their feelings to their minds, hence to their actions.

"Whatever blows your hair back."

My long range objective is to develop a network of people who participate in an electronic information service that focuses on transformational awareness. My motivation comes from my past when I could always find too many people with answers and never enough people with meaningful questions.

Focus on beliefs, for they shape reality.

December 29th, 1986

We're lost in our little bubbles of isolation.

(((((The only way to be a node in a network is to broadcast what you pick up from others.)))))

(((((I know so little about my self and assume I know so much.)))))

(waiting for a response from those eating food you've cooked.)

Doing it your self or training others to do it are the only choices. Doing it, "Why train others?" Because it is a lot like baptism-- a swat on the fanny, then point out the autonomy target.

Off to class, what a funny feeling it is, to have so much to do that all the detail consolidates itself.

I've never wanted writing to be painful, only inspired.

Guess that's why I'm a poet. A poet who writes about using personal computers and pursuing physical fitness. ((So much to say, so little time.)) Stuff like-- unified command structures, sequence, the importance of playing both student and teacher, whether as a user of computers or a user of your physical body. If it's not sports, then what? So much competition. Competition is the outer rim of the target.

"Without an electronic environment it's tough to function."

Maybe stepping back like this, away from electrons, has a concealed benefit. (Hope so)

In physical fitness publish the sequence. Write it down so you can refer to it later and duplicate it for others.

I get the most upset, and the fattest, when I am furthest away from myself. (But when I'm right next to my self I can't see where I'm goin', matter of fact it doesn't matter, because when I'm right with my self I am living in the now, moment to moment.

Making the paradigm shift into electrons is a difficult one. Not just because everything is new to you, but it then dawns on you that a spectrum exists across time, say since computers were ever in existence, to now where people are and have been basing their actions upon their vision of the way things work in the new paradigm.

12:10 am Saturday

Coming back out of electrons, it's so strange to need a light source to illuminate the screen. (i.e., light on paper in typewriter rather than characters glowing on screen)

(((((...the percolation of consciousness)))))

((((('no no no, take me away, when the music is blasting, and it takes you there, when the artistic message is capturing you in the now.)))))

Make it easy on your self and know when and how to open of file.

Pursue outlining for fun. If you are going to learn something about using a computer for doing something other than numbers, then the best thing to learn is how to expand an idea in outline and content, simultaneously.

(((((haaa, the effort of reaching in and trying to make a connection that makes sense when you read it.))))) mjm870102

Acknowledging the existence of a spectrum of consciousness in the moment, somehow really torques my head.

(((((Are you ready for this?))))) (((((The reason twist is so important is that it results in a focus.))))) A center if you will, centering.

People don't realize the importance of feedback in getting the point out you want. Takes more than one copy to get it right.

Lyrics: You don't really want to rock and roll; you just want to play like you're out of control.

((((It is only by building dams that you save. Masturbation or your bank account.))))) If you deny your self nothing, you have nothing.

To know that people, some people, can type without thinking about "finger-to-key" should be inspiration enough to pursue the ability.

This is embarrassing, being who you are.

I have to hurry up.

What are my objectives? Get my mailing list under control, and my database.

Mark your aim. Your aim is productivity. Use the industries best equipment qualified by what the best standard is to run against. Get by as many headaches as you can by using generic equipment.

It seems as though my road is never ending. Always huge blocks more to learn, never anything to sell.

When the change is that dramatic it classifies as a paradigm shift. So I'm coming from the place of: Why make baby steps in the game of Captain-may-I when you can just as well ask for giant steps? A guy sings the praise of Wordstar and Lotus when Word and Framework are out there.

It isn't so much the specific application that people have learned but the concepts behind them. Search and replace, re-calcing, are the concepts that PC users are, or have, come to. What is next are concepts like indirect formatting (tagging) and idea development (the simultaneous expansion of outline and content.)

The focus, as always, is on unified command structures.

The hermit lives in electrons. Electrons are fluid forms, forms but fluid. The hermit writes in electrons and sends them to the freezer-- paper.

The reason to learn DOS is because what you want to know is the electron paradigm. Whether you know that that is what you are learning is of no consequence. What matters is the fact that it is happening within a time frame that classifies as a paradigm shift. And when you are ready to admit that a paradigm shift is under way, you can plan strategies for your situation. Like knowing that there is a waiting helicopter on the roof allows you to better plan your escape from the basement.

January 10, 1987

Trend: the brains of laser printers seem to be flowing off and out of the printer and onto cards that plug into the computer.

MS Word instead of WordPerfect, because the path to paper is via the use of the mouse. MS Word is a class act with a mouse and Wordperfect doesn't even have one.

January 15, 1987 Thursday (payday) 7:37 am

Balance comes to mind, again. The breadth of the activities and involvements that require balance is so broad. Seems I'll never get it together.

It is hard going without electrons at home, like being without a furnace, or the rifleman having only a handgun. Still, I take it as a time of mixing things up to see what I've learned in the meantime. And what might that be? Just more of who I am, what's holding me back, and how to more fully participate in love.

The pleasing thing about electrons is that the context glows. The words on the screen are illuminated from behind the surface instead of on it.

when you listen you hear it all

Everything that happens, happens with you at the center of it. Can it be any other way?

What happens to your feelings if you consider how much life needs you? I watched you at practice and wondered if I looked as good as you do now.

Looking for it and letting it happen are two different things. (What is a thing? ((but an idea)))

Where do you choose to play the game? Always the pull towards the mean, gravity I guess.

There are only two places to come from blind rage or calm acceptance.

The battle I fight is the one between doing what I want, primarily determined by my mentality, or doing that which comes from within me.

January 21, 1987 Wednesday 8:18 am

And where to go from here? Into Framework, of course, to outline a business plan.

Coming back to writing is like returning to it, making connections at deeper levels.

Driving your computer is much like renting a strange car in a strange land; before you can get to where you want to go you need to learn how to operate the car and how to read a map. Usually, a guide familiar with the car and the lay of the land can make a big difference in the quality of your trip.

(((((Assumptive computing means that you assume it will work out. The fact that you don't know how really doesn't matter. What you end up discovering is the overwhelming amount of intelligence reaching toward you, trying to make it easy for you to get done what you want to do.)))))

You get paid for what someone doesn't want to learn. Irony is that learning how to drive a computer replaces a lot of other learning. So once you are able to drive a computer you're home free!

How do I feel about comma's? Use them to express a feeling, don't use them to over obviate, but do use them to separate as you feel your pause when considering the text to appropriately "get" the meaning. "Ya, folla?"

When using a PC there are levels of capability, that twist in strata across a spectrum. Significant aspects are disk drives, amount of memory, diversity of application software, multi-purpose RAM, laser output, digitizing images, composing animation, video.

Commas also depend upon your audience.

The paradigm shift is one primarily of conceptualization.

Tree structured directories and sequences.

Printers are the key.

When so much starts happening, it gets to feeling like I'm too far from the center of the merry-go-round.

It will never matter why it didn't work. All that matters is getting it to work. So don't come from a question of why doesn't it work, but rather, what can I do to get it to work. Start from scratch, re-create the situation.

To live among people, to live among so much distraction, hard to keep a focus, everyone wants to give you encouragement filtered through their templates of life. I like to write. To wrestle with contextual solidity within gives self deep satisfaction.

"Pass along the magic."

Services for the autonomous end-user.

The key has to be in the configuration because how it is configured determines what it can do later. So specializing in organizing and maintaining a configuration, would seem to be a dramatic statement of strategic benefit.

Crushes die hard. So does the love of access to electrons at home. What a difference it makes! It becomes apparent that I need to get a full-blown system, here, at home, te heh.

Sequence is everything! Learning the sequence is the key to absorbing the content.

In body work, the axis of rotation is the focus. The effort of the focus is to shrink the width of that axis. (Instead of laying stomach down over a fat horse, you lie down over a strand of wire.)

"Put a state of the art system in your den and let your fourteen year old pay for it." (((((sometimes a matter of just slowing down the genius in order to make the connection.)))))

The world turns on 8 by 11 inch paper.

My vanity is that I want as my job to be locked into an intimate connection with god. Makes me smile. Nothing like reaching for an ideal job. (But is that any such thing as a job? Jobs are expectations; joys are appreciations. Accept joys instead of jobs. I love it! Because I can see my self doing the job and having such a good time.

"The next best thing to printing your own money"

Solidifying electrons, for your self and others. All programming? It isn't so much publishing as it is printing.

When you need to look your best in paper and ink, call T.H.I.S. INC. 449-THIS (8447)

Sequence and form are everything, in body work, in PC's, everything. Nobody talks about a philosophy behind the body work. Where, if you understand the principles behind your effort, your effort becomes easier to make and you get more for it.

Writing, what a passion. I'm not sure I understand what it is about, me and writing. I rely too much on it now, none of it on writing. And maybe that's what's wrong about what I'm doing. I'm not making an effort to write. What is there to write about? What kind of story do I have to tell? One of extreme transformation through paradigm shifts. One of mickey standing on the mountain peak listening to within so much that he is one with the same force behind the comet bursts. (((What is the lesson to be learned?))) That ultimately the battle of survival is fought within. The more you grow the more internal it gets.

Writing is what keeps me balanced. Why do I only do it when I'm in the mood? Isn't that the creative challenge for me? Can anything compare to the challenge of literary creativity? (Dancing maybe) But just like dancing there are two realms of satisfaction the joy of doing it and the joy of sharing it with others. Doing it, expressing the completeness of it all.

Sexuality, can you see it for what it really is, a reverberation of the energy we send out. Looking for the proper feedback. (And getting it.)

(((((I always forget that there is nothing that I should say. But there is everything that I want to say. And wanting to say it is enough justification for saying it.)))))

Configuration is the key. How you put it together, whether it's CPU's, printers, software, or CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT.

You don't even need to make the decisions on your own styles.

Publishing is where it is at. Doing it. Publishing. For your self, for others. The significance of the capability is how little time and money it takes to do it.

A desktop publishing consultant, for no matter what type of information you deal with, almost all of it comes into print.

((((((And then something so intimate on the inside becomes the driving force to make it real on the outside. So I find my self always thinking of god and how it works in the past tense, as if it has always been that way. But not so, god is now, living and breathing, so in harmony with its self that it reaches in two directions at once, like stretching the spine in two directions at once. God reaches within, god consolidates itself and differentiates itself simultaneously. As the act itself of being.)))))

The feminine part of the spectrum is to look into a mirror, the male to look through it.

...and you don't want to be able to type as fast as you can think. Your thinking needs to slow down, considering, before you can make sense of anything as limited as frozen electrons on paper and ink.

I want it all. I want so much it scares me. I want confirmation of who I am, appreciation for what I have to share, money for guiding others into the wilderness that is my own back yard. I lose track of where I've been, where I want to go, how I plan to get there. I don't mind selling my writing anymore. I just don't try to sell it, and whenever I find myself in a whirlpool, feeling stagnate, it is because I'm not involved with my writing.

I speak out only through the courage of that any way?

I felt when I tried to say things with intent it never came out, always constipated. Never fluid, never the joy of the experience when I would let it all flow.

Bearing the burden of sharing what we have to offer. (Is it all that much?)

(((((I get lost in the specifics. Only when I spend a lot of time consolidating the detail do I find a sense of calm. How does humanity survive??)))))

I've looked in so many places. My body, my mind, my work, my love, and never what is, is within. The burden of responsibility, the burden of being God. Somehow I know that my perception is warped.

"makes me think in a more realistic focus on what is happening."

Can you love humanity any more than you love your self? Isn't one only limited by the other?

Where was it that I began my serious writing career? Did I ever?

There is a point at which you are either inside or outside of your bubble. When you are inside your bubble you are with your self, when you are outside the bubble you are alone. So as funny as it seems, the effort is not to go outside to escape your loneliness, but rather, to come inside. Inside with your self. The more inside you get, the closer you get to the outside. Isn't that strange?

Why is it that I find so much of my self when I sit here and try to capture the conversation that runs live through consciousness? Surely it is the same for you. The difficulty seems to be focusing on what you choose to listen to. Like a radio receiver. One of it's intrinsic capabilities is to be able to filter out a discernible pattern. Which means that it is the multiplicity of life that brings about confusion. And the focus is what determines the outcome. Focus isn't a whimsical choice. Just the choosing won't make it happen because the choosing is difficult to do, difficult to maintain, and difficult to remain consistent. So what do we do? Cope, I guess. Regardless of the quality of our choosing we muddle alone or burst along and burn up in the atmosphere. Like the race car gas pedal, it is easy to go faster than your body or spirit can handle. So modulation is the key. And exercising the muscle of choice so that we can be consistent in our patterns of choosing.

I find it so difficult to exercise control over my choices, more in some areas than others. Like writing and exercise. Maybe the most important two areas of my life. Why is that?

I guess if you establish the sequence it makes the choosing easier. That's why we establish routines in our lives. There has to be challenge, there has to be involvement, there has to be will. Always it seems we come back to will. What do you choose to listen to? Does it matter? Of course it does, silly.

It has been hard for me to accept my output. My passion always thought it should come out in a more recognizable form, like a novel or a screenplay. Scattered, like stones in a stream.

Good bodies are the result of good wills. And that is what commands the respect.

The integrity of the paradigm, the clarity of focus.

Why do I think that exercise physiology is a primitive paradigm? Because where I'm coming from it is. You don't think your way into health and happiness. You don't use knowing as a substitute for being. Being is so much more than knowing. Knowing is a minute subset of being. So why approach your body like an equation? How far can you get? As soon as you restrict your physical being to what you can know about it you lose my interest. Like having high hopes for the sequel to a blockbuster movie only to be sadly disappointed.

The scope always has to expand in order to continually capture the imagination. Without seeing more, feeling more, being more, than you were before, there is no magic.

Tactics = Multiple Threats = 8 x 11 (easy distribution)

"Provocative expression of a strategic benefit."

March 3, 1987 9:28 am

It is funny how clear my mind can get after a while. When nothing seems to be going on, when my life feels like an empty house that has no furnishing in it, the question always comes down to what will I decorate my life with now? If I were to look at the progression I'd see my interest in publishing coming clearer into focus. Now it seems to be the time to take my Issue 4 and add the finishing touches so that I can offer it for sale. What are those touches? Headers and footers, page numbers, formatting date to keep with paragraph that follows. A cover sheet, and a back sheet that offers an explanation of what is to follow. Do I do it with just PCNOTES or with The Hermit's Journal as well? I don't know. He will tell me. For now I must shower, shave, and finish editing. After that I'll decide on the touches and then make arrangements to get the electrons in order. Cuz you see I am working on something for a client of mine. This client is my most important client, one to whom I owe the best job. One who I enjoy working with the most. One who is going to take the most of my time, and me loving it.

A better idea. ((((())))) What constitutes a better idea? Figure out how much it is gonna cost. Capture the imagination. Act on the idea. (Sounds like a pretty good formula to me)

(((((The point of my journal is not what you get out of it. What you get is the residual of what was pure joy for me when I wrote it. There are many things that are obviously true once you have discovered them. But what you read is the active process, not reflection. And I guess that is my point in putting it out. My way of saying look, it's a spontaneous thing. In me, in you, in everybody. But where we are at compared to each other is always distributed across a circular spectrum. If the spectrum was light, the center of the circle would be white. If the spectrum was a merry-go-round the center wouldn't tug at you.)))))

Your sense of presence as you walk down the street. The way you walk the legs you walk with. Ou, la, la.

I'm talking to you before you know I'm there. And I get so embarrassed for being affected so much. (It is easier letting it out than holding it back and having to carry it.) Much easier.

(((((If writing wasn't really such a joy I doubt that I would ever bother to take notes)))))

You pop my thermometer in the snap of a finger.

Buy more Microsoft stock than Lotus. Lotus is the de facto standard in spreadsheets and will grow with increased user growth. But Microsoft will pull capital into it like a black hole sucking in light, because capital is being used to enhance the operating system. The way things work. Grease.

The name of the game is to capture the imagination.

You really send me around the block.

Do you know why actors get lots of money for performing? Because without it they wouldn't perform.

How you boot your self up in the morning is what matters. The sequence is important, for what you will be able to do later. (Later that day, later in life) Body first.

Design sketch of optimum equipment layouts. Strategies in organizing your components. etc...

You see paradigm shifts occur when distinct elements come together to form a more significant whole. Like components into PCs and components of a broader scope into autonomous enduser stations.

CONFIG.SYS stations all over the world. When you've got the know how and need the gear to get it done.

Configuration specialists. (That means we have to be doing this with the know how of the standards behind the selections so that things actually do work together and provide an open environment within a unified command structure.)

One of our established goals is to identify the aim of controlling electrons.

I feel so helpless when it all starts moving so fast. It takes a while to recognize solid ground when you've landed. (Solid ground is only a commanding presence of gravity.)

Religion in the mornings, however you package it-- stretching, going to church, reading, whatever. Affirmations of belief structure in the morning makes life more playable.

I think what is freaking me out is how involved I have to get to get through this part of my path.

I forgot. I keep forgetting, the feeling good that guided me here. There is nothing wrong with being a recluse as long as it does not interfere with making money.

You get paid for the service that you provide. Redundancy is the key, humanity is the basic unit, the easiest operating system to transport.Client feedback: "Where's the beef?" Even if you are only assessing equipment at this stage, where is criteria for evaluation? You sound lost. But you are doing something worthwhile, namely getting your stuff into electrons. More importantly electrons that you can play with. If you deny the focus on the autonomous enduser, how then do you define the bounds of the playing field? Don't you see? The power is flowing towards the autonomous enduser. Sure standardize, but standardize on equipment that the autonomous enduser will be most readily familiar with. Equipment decisions are the ocean with buoys being humans.

...and the world usually seems like a complicated situation.

((((not remembering the basis of joy)))) In work, in play, in all sensation and process.

(((((What to hold on to and what to let go of are the two big questions in living.)))))

My friends are writing... and I'm publishing.

((Part of the autonomy comes from immediate feedback. How could you get results on your effort... better said: without getting immediate feedback how can you proceed? This is most evident when it comes to printing. Using a laserjet off sight is like getting each piece of paper you write on from down the street, one page at a time.

Trust the software to optimize your performance.

Truth is, desktop publishing produces immediate results, therefore go with a buying strategy of immediate results. Whether you are going to buy into an old standard or a new standard can be qualified by how good the immediate results are.

People investing in electrons are scared, scared of making the wrong choices with no idea of a judgement criteria to decide upon.

("Will you just write, please!")

When you listen to god, you listen to your self.

The sadness that was left behind, the caring that could not go on.

Even though I know that telling a story is the most captivating when you present a message, I'm not telling a story, but enjoying my self, here, now, watching my fingers go through the effort.

"As you become more sophisticated and creative with your applications (and you will, you'll need this extra memory." Rich Belluzzo HP (It's the "and You will" part that gets me.)

There are basic body movements just as there are basic geometric shapes. When you move you express geometric idealism. Straight walking, standing tall, moving with harmony, grace and beauty. Being relaxed within a good posture.

(((((looking back, looking ahead, closing my eyes and listening to the rush of change going by)))))

We forget. We forget that we are talking about the joy of creation. DTP does little more than make it that much easier to have joy in what you put on paper. No longer does your scrawl have to represent your ideas; even your inadequate typing skills are eased with spelling checkers, thesauruses, glossary inserts, and the like.

(((((It is very difficult to follow the flight of your own arrow.)))))

("You know, it's been a long time since I've enjoyed myself.")

Making love is always for the first time, or it isn't making love.

HP and Ashton-Tate are a natural alliance. Two companies with vision. Two companies that offer the edge in electrons. Connected to the heart of mainstream electrons, they both offer the optimum environment to the autonomous enduser. ((I bet there was quite a difference of opinion in the boardroom that was discussing the pros and cons of Postscript or DDL for IBM standards. Windows made that decision for IBM. The only people that can write the appropriate shell are the people that write the kernel.

What does reading the news do for you everyday? Seems to give me input, something you page through, take in at different levels on different days. We intake information for our processor much the same way and for the same reasons as we take in food for our stomach to digest.

Routines, sequences, one in the same, need to be chosen, need efficient implementation, need to be capable of restructuring quickly and easily.

One of the pitfalls in DTP is that the output can look so professional it will often be better in context than content. (So challenge! Think for yourself. ((Why is that so hard?)) (((And necessary?)))

There is so much about desktop publishing in print because the nature of the product (DTP) is to put information into print.

("That is a problem. Making the paradigm shift and not wanting to go any further if it is not as fast. (((I press my self... and yet I hide from the world, hide from the embrace (shrink from the embrace) not pressing your hand into the balloon as hard as you could if you had your heart set on it.))) Maybe that's it, the secret to enjoying life, not having your heart set on anything. (Handling the first time that Santa doesn't come through for you.)

In the detail nothing makes any sense unless you're that deep. Assume the root directory and you always have a starting point.

Like a bird of prey under no pressure to devour its latest victim.

Once the light goes on about what you can do with desktop publishing your world changes. Every time you get a piece of mail that couldn't be done on a typewriter you'll start looking at the design of the paper that is in your hands, and you'll ask "How was this done?"

Evil plays its own shallow game while good presses on.

The Lone Ranger answers only to his conscience.

We initiate our will through controlling our minds.

To fly in combat--and live to fly again.

Spending strategies on getting the most out of your equipment. Why this rather than getting the most out of your people? Good farmers were not necessarily good on the assembly line. The capability of the equipment is obvious; who is going to make it happen is not. When you follow the money you usually find your answers. The money, the power, is headed for the autonomous enduser. One being processing all of their own information, internally. Autonomy. (Jesus, when can I lay this one to rest?)

Detail necessitates consolidation.

Consolidation occurs by elimination or categorization.

Write, and don't lose touch with what you are involved with. Grow but do not attach.

How will desktop publishing affect the normal distribution of information, specifically, in the area of books and magazines?

Inflate your posture.

...much less bibliography and much more broadcast.

(((You know that's funny, when you look over how it comes out of me. That is, one or two lines at a time and then usually three or four carriage returns, at double spacing. Bout an inch, inch an' a half. ((Seems I'm missing the point, that is about writing, if indeed the pleasure is in the physical accomplishment of getting it out, sent to media, then what I write about shouldn't matter, but it does.)))))

...that's just it. They're not always ready. In fact seldom, and then only when forced.

April 7, 1987

What can I tell you about running a PC? Well, let's see. They are tools, just like cars, or planes, but instead of transporting you they transport information. Specifically, your information.

April 9, 1987 1:44 PM

Style sheets. Style sheets are important. How they work is not immediately apparent, but what they do is. Go get a demonstration. See how style sheets are applied, how they are changed, and see the difference they make in appearance and how easily they allow you to change the appearance on the same text. (Here we are again, back to appreciating the difference between content and context. Or, what your information is and how it looks.)

((I am starting to think that the only thing I am pressed to write about is PCNOTES. Not true, not true.))

What do you do? So easy to get lost, so easy to hear nothing but your own rumblings within your cave. The pressure to get out, the need to expand, to grow, to synthesize, to process more information.

None of us want to bear the burden of our perfection. Sure we can read about it, work towards us, (((((Are there limitations to God's will?)))))

Doubt is the devil.

I was at peace, at peace because I was able to give back in the forum of my own choosing.

You know the thing is, that is, how I got to where I went to, namely esoteric land, is in the pursuit of happiness. What makes me happy? The inner dialogue, of course. And where has it brought me? Well, here, obviously. But moreover, to the place where I can finally start sharing it, making money at it, and it seems like I've just broken the surface from below, like a submarine bursting through into the air. Into what? Less density, less need.

When you try so hard to get somewhere, when you get there, it can be difficult to realize. Life is a funny thing, so much reason for anxiety. So much haste.

You know it's really tough to write when there is so much to get done. Things happen based on the strength of your routine. And your ability to adapt.

(((((Your life dissolves into your desires.)))))

Training. It has to be the answer. Empowering the enduser. Make it more usable.

"I could take you apart and put you back together without you ever knowing it happened." So back off!

It is not a global perception shared by the group that matters, rather, it is the global perception held by each individual that counts.

People do so much explaining about what they do rather than just releasing what it is they have to say. (I say: "Let's go, baby come on now, let's go cuz we can't hold back no more!")

Those who remember, those who do, those who do for those who can't.

April 21, 1987 Tuesday

When you listen, only when you listen...

Getting a handle while in a paradigm shift can be difficult. You must choose a guidance system that will consistently serve you. Something to act like a compass, working on land or sea, giving indications of the poles. What determines poles? Axis of rotation, of course. Spin! Electrons.

I keep finding I loose track of what it is that I'm after. Time and again I have to remind my self what it was that made me so happy that set me out in this direction in the first place. But once I remind myself of what that happiness was, and is, (writing) then the template achieves a stable recalculation. Or my goals become more focused. And settled on a course determined by the best compass known to man, his awareness, his feelings that come directly from a self-conscious heart.

The ringing telephone... always the ringing telephone, and when you answer it and listen all you hear is a ringing telephone.

Listening to the ringing telephone, knowing that awareness beckons, knowing that loss of innocence is sure to come, believing that things will turn out for the better.

The power just surged, here in the house, the stereo, the light, the typewriter, the furnace, everything. Isn't that a shocker? Takes you outside of your bubble.

What I am suggesting by buying Microsoft stock is that you are taking the position of selling short on the ability of high technology to deliver on time.

April 21, 1987 10:46 AM

Just bought ten shares of Microsoft.

Do you know why it's forty days and forty nights? In the desert? Because of the moon! The cycle is 30 days and after ten more the return of the cycle becomes apparent. As though it takes exposure to the governing laws of life on a planetary level in order to be able to accept them in our selves.

April 22, 1987 8:14 am

So many clients looking for some fundamental help within their electron environment. What a PC consultant has a hard time realizing is that their clients get so little time on their machines. You go out and "learn 'em" and they may not turn on the machine again for several days.

Life perceived on the tube is not life perceived through you.

As long as I'm writing, as long as I stay connected to the joy of the process rather than the illusion of content.

So much change, and me at the center of it all. My little peep-hole in the world under construction. Seems like I'm so isolated when I let go and just be part of it all.

A person shows their framework, what they are thinking, how they are thinking, by the questions they ask.

Coming here, to the keys, is what counts. For me. For you. For everyone. Taking conclusive action, making something of a thesis from the forces you are forced to react to. Turning pressure into a vector. Gaining control of the heading, missing the asteroid fields, and making it all count from moment to moment. (Moment to moment, how do we get from moment to moment? Without assuming time? When the East say "all is illusion", they are leaving off "beyond your self." Self is all there is to that which matters.

Self is all there is to that which matters. mjm870423

Philosophy doesn't matter much compared to skills. With skills it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you can get the job done. So what is important about skills? First of all to have them, lots of them. The more skilled you are the better you get paid. What kind of skills depends upon you and your likes. What matters to everyone is how to get skills, quickly and cheaply.

A big fish of an idea--submerged, nested spheres of isotherms, a learning theory based upon creative proclivity. Intuitive use with an open environment for your data.

Look at what is happening to the sales of the CD's that have Beatle's music. Is it new music? No. It is new technology. Interesting that it is not a new form.

Style sheets are an enormous paradigm shift happening right now. Walk around, talk with your neighbor, at least the one who uses a PC and ask him what a style sheet is, or formatting text, or tagging paragraphs. Unless he is a typesetter, odds are high that he won't know what you are talking about.

The only way to challenge the body is to reach for abstract perfection of form. Motion is form, god is form, and form is an expression of will. God's will is that which becomes done.

What bothered me most about the last body class was the lack of focus on reaching for the idea itself through the body. (Now dancers would claim this as "of course" material, but I'm not in the realm of dancing as an expression, rather will as an act. (and the perfection of that act through the perfection of form.)

...the difference between done and happened.

to Motzart: "It's of no use to anyone in your head."

Maybe that's why I like this so much, the creative engagement.

So when I watch MTV I envy the creative involvement it took to make some of these videos. And calm only returns when I come here, to paper and ink, the intellectual's artistic canvas.

I want to offer a basics course, key concepts. Macros, style sheets.

Living is what counts, breathing, drinking, working, peeing. Dealing with the whirlwind of a dream we are caught up in when we take on the form of flesh. ("And people wonder why Cindy Lauper did Marvin Gay's "What's Goin' On?")

Paradigms as perspectives, reality as composite.

See, it's true.

It does feel good when it is apparent that I am close to my self, sort of like sitting alone in a church.

(((((Form in motion, form in thinking, form in being, form as style.)))))

Developing the fire drill as you put out the fire. Learning the abracadabra routine.

Now I'm smiling, because I'm doing this just for the fun of it and wow! Look at my fingers fly across those keys. When you have some thing to say, boy! does the passion, does the enthusiasm blaze a trail, or what?

My work... a skipping stone across the water.

I specialize in entry level electrons.

IBM made electrons possible by introducing the whole package. Hardware specifically. Now the issue is software, specifically the operating system. And that is the next giant company: Microsoft, and Bill Gates.

Spreadsheets are the most immediate "thing" to do with PC's, but they are by no means something to get hung up in or spend too much time on. What matters is that you understand how a spreadsheet works, only in principle, only in the basics. Labels, numbers, formulas, interdependency. That kind of stuff. Beyond that, woa, hold on to your hats! Probably the next step is telecommunications. Taking what your spreadsheet gives you and sending it into global electrons, because if you can send it across the street electronically, it is just as easy to send it around the world.

Just when I will have everything to live for my number will be up. And if I'm wise I'll be thankful I ever got this far. I've gotten to go so far for so long with so much support, spoiled?

Here is where the fun is, right here, in the keys, making what comes to mind come out on paper. What being! What Living! What an Orgasm! What else can I say? (((((If you haven't come then you could not have been there))))) (((((Oh, I like that!)))))

15 April, 1987 9:06 April 15, 1987 9:07

Time and date stamps, everything is so much easier to get done inside Framework. Where is the macro capability of Word?

What do I have to report?

Desktop publishing and high volume, short run printing.

I keep coming back to minimum performance capabilities within cost effective ceilings.

What is the minimum performance capability of desktop publishing? A laserjet capable of 300 DPI full page. If you don't have that you really don't have much. Scanners can come later, but 300 dpi is the best you need until you jump up to 1250 dpi and a new cost ceiling.

I've been making the point lately of understanding the implications of desktop publishing being mouse driven.

Look at the connection and see how similar MS-Word is to Xerox Ventura Publisher's product, one a word processor and one a publishing package, and you see that conceptually they are one. What makes them one? The fact that they both use indirect formatting, something that is common in desktop publishing and unfamiliar in word processing.

I've been saying for a while now that unified command structures are the guide to evaluating software environments, but lately it has become clear that a unified environment is not enough, there also has to be an open environment that allows easy exchange of information from other environments. So now the key phrase is--unified command structure in an open environment. The two best examples are Framework II and Ventura Publisher. Both are very unified; both are very open.

What is important in entering the desktop publishing game is that you immediately achieve orbit. By this I mean you establish enough capability to achieve a significant impact. Buying a laserjet with only a half meg of RAM just doesn't cut it. You may have the best designer and software in the world but you've got to be able to get it all to print. (Enough said?)